Your why

Randonneuring.

Why indeed? I weighed in at 301.5 I was not even phased. Just defeated. The 270-275-290’s were all precursors to reaching 301. There and then I decided to do something. It was coming for a while. I was hoping my partner would work with me. She was not in that place yet. She even would try and sabotage me. She would make foods she knew I did not want to eat anymore. I stuck to my guns. I was doing this with or without her. If I had to leave everyone who was enabling me, so be it.

This was about me. I wanted to be able to run a 5k anywhere, anytime. To be able to Yoga, practice and/or train all weekend. (First, I had to focus on getting through one class and not be winded or out of breath) I tried to do it all (Weights, cardio, etc) and ended up focusing on Yoga and Running. (When I say running. I mean a slow zombie shuffle-like staggering) This is my mediation.

I want to train anytime anywhere. Whether that be weights, MMA, running, backpacking walking through the zoo or museums. I want to fit into large shirts and have no belly. I want to look good and be actually fit. I want to see my grandchildren’s grandchildren and play on the floor with them.

Without going into too much detail: Being fat can be a FABULOUS wall to keep people away...a safety device.

Not only am I tired of living inside that wall, I am tired of how I hate how I look and feel inside that giant layer of padding.

So my "why" is to break free... it's also to get back to living life. I'm going ziplining this summer, and going to do my first athletic-type event in years. I'm going to get new clothes and get on with my sassy self. I'm going to feel MUCH better doing all those things

I lived but didn't live. I now have the rest of my life ahead of me. I let my weight affect so many things.

I also have two children ..and they look to me to be their rock. I want them to look back and say my mom did it...she is a badass.

Edit to add...
I want to walk into the room and not feel like the fattest. I want to walk without the pain in my knees. I want to look amazing.

I have a smile in my face that I haven't had for years. I hated who I became. I was miserable. I didn't live my life.

Now I have that spring in my step (hurt less these days) and that twinkle in my eye.

I want to hike, bike ride, go for walks in the beach.

I have a fear of kayaking. A silly fear. .but a fear! I found a discount for a 90 min. Kayak session...will be going with my boys and a friend her kids.

I have declared 2016 as my year to be unwritten. I can no longer sit on the bench of my life.

I have a lot to lose, but less than I had to shed 10,5, 1 year ago!

brb_2013 wrote: »

courtniekrebs wrote: »

It started as my bf calling me fat and unattractive with an ultimatum. To this day after 30lbs he still thinks I am. But it's for me. To prove to myself how strong and beautiful I am

....... Can't believe you're using the present tense.

I am SO sorry that you are with someone who feels that way about you. I don't know you but you ABSOLUTELY deserve better.

As for why I am doing this. Because it's time for me to stop hiding under my blanket of fat, it's time to take off the fat sheild. I don't need it anymore.

I rebuilt my life from the ground up climbed out of a living hell. I am truly happy with my life. Now it's time to be healthy and happy with my body.

My doctor told me I was pre-diabetic and I read an article, while in my dentist's office, about visceral fat and it's havoc on your organs.

BruinsGal_91 wrote: »

brb_2013 wrote: »

courtniekrebs wrote: »

It started as my bf calling me fat and unattractive with an ultimatum. To this day after 30lbs he still thinks I am. But it's for me. To prove to myself how strong and beautiful I am

I agree!!!!!



....... Can't believe you're using the present tense.

Nor me. I was hoping you were going to say he's now an EX-bf.

There are lots of reasons, but the one that made it happen was not being able to fit in a seat on a rollercoaster. Waiting an hour in line to find out you're too fat for the safety harness to lock just sucks. I'm so psyched to go to Canada's Wonderland this summer and not have to worry about fitting.

My husband is military and I'd like to be back where I was when we started dating by the time he comes home from deployment. I had a lot more confidence and didn't feel so gross (though he couldn't care what I weighed). Also, kinda wanna be a trophy wife/the hot mom when we decide to have kids

DaisyHamilton wrote: »

courtniekrebs wrote: »

It started as my bf calling me fat and unattractive with an ultimatum. To this day after 30lbs he still thinks I am. But it's for me. To prove to myself how strong and beautiful I am

girl I've seen you post this on multiple threads and it's NOT okay. You need to leave him. That's a horrible thing to say, and trust me when I say I've been in that situation and someone else will love you better and more than your current BF. He is not worth it. Please trust me.

This x1000. No one who respects you would be so cruel. Asking someone you love to consider their health is one this, and this is not that.