The bridesmaid question

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artzymummy
artzymummy Posts: 46 Member
in Motivation and Support
My sister in law asked me to be a bridesmaid last night for their wedding in June. She and her fiance had already chosen their wedding party, but things have changed and they have decided to move things around. My husband was to have been man of honor, now he's going to be a groomsman, my other sister in law is now maid of honor and I'm a bridesmaid. I should be excited, but this was actually a fear I had when they got engaged new years eve. I've vented before about not wanting to be the whale in the family photo's, now somehow we have to find a dress that looks good on both myself and my slim sister in law, sigh.

Part of me wants to back out. I am so worried about what people are going to think, how people are going to see me. I am a background sort of person. If it hadn't been for my mother in law, I would have eloped when I got married. As it is, we had maybe 30 people at our wedding. Also, we're going to have to start dress shopping now and I certainly have no intent on stopping the momentum I have going with my weight loss so how am I to know what size I will be in June. All I can think of is that I'm going to be the fat, tattooed, purple haired woman up there with all these skinny people. I'm sounding conceited, people will be looking at the bride and should be, but how do I get past this feeling? What do I do? Should I back out before it's too late?

Replies

  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
    edited March 2016
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    You shouldn't back out, it's her special day and she wants you to be part of it. You can make weight loss progress between now and then. Beyond that, you need to learn to love yourself. I was the "fat tattooed woman" up there with all the skinny people at my friend's wedding, but those pictures were proof of how much weight I had lost up to that point. Focus on your sister in law and making sure she enjoys her wedding because that's what being a bridesmaid is really about.

    ETA: I had to buy a bridesmaid dress 6 months before a wedding. I dropped almost two sizes in that time frame and just found a local tailor who made it fit well. It was also far more flattering after being tailored.
  • anneouel
    anneouel Posts: 70 Member
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    I think it shouldn't matter. Easier said then done I know... I'm 275 lbs and also have a wedding in june. I was worried but my sister knows I'm big (everyone does) so its not like it's something new.

    Just be you and get a dress that's easy to take in :) I'm not getting a fancy dress so it's easier for me to shop.
  • mathjulz
    mathjulz Posts: 5,514 Member
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    As you shop, let the people know you are losing weight and that you expect to be smaller in June. They might be able to help you find styles that will work best with that. In fact, they should be able to help the wedding party find styles that will look good on you and your slim sister in law. Don't order the dress too small, it's always easier for them to tailor it down to fit a slimmer customer than up for one who isn't slim enough.

    As far as whether you should or not, I say go with it! I have never once been asked to be a bridesmaid, and I would think that it would be an honor to be one. (True, I was the first of my friends to get married, but even then, no one ever asked me, even though now it's not uncommon for bridesmaids to be married ladies). Do your part to feel comfortable in your skin (which is more than just weight loss - self esteem is important at any size) and then help put the focus on the bride.
  • streamgirl
    streamgirl Posts: 207 Member
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    Suggest that not everyone wear the same dress. I've been in several weddings where the bride chose a series of dresses (same color and fabric, but different cuts) and let everyone pick which was most flattering. It makes a huge difference, since different styles look better on different bodies.
  • samwiserabbit
    samwiserabbit Posts: 153 Member
    edited March 2016
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    Here's what I would do: Make sure the dress and flowers go well with your hair and tattoos. Then find it in yourself to really own the moment. You're an artist, you know how subtle expressions, posture, and gestures can affect a scene. Be gorgeous. To help with that, go on google image search and search for "queen latifah in chicago" or "beautiful plus size dresses formal" and see how those ladies rock the big look. You're going to do awesome. I want to see pictures!

    And, yeah, get a dress you can take in.
  • holly23cali
    holly23cali Posts: 27 Member
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    Oh girl. My maid of honors bra straps are showing in every picture but i dont care. I love she was there and that she made the effort. Your sister in law feels the same way i am sure.

    You said ill be the purple hair tattoo showing one, dye your hair before the wedding if you are worried. They also make make up that covers tats. Now i dont believe you need to do any of that BUT its obviously a thought of yours so two things you can change, change if that would make you feel better. Its all about focusing on what you can change immediately and not focusing on your weight. You will look beautiful and the brides day will feel complete having you there! ❤
  • Veryana
    Veryana Posts: 122 Member
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    Depending on what kind of tattoos you have you can also decorate them btw. I've seen people decorate their tattoos with small glued gems in right places or add colours on them with removable dyes. If it is something you don't want to show in pictures you can always cover them with make up. You can dye your hair normal colour if it bothers you or add decorations to it and keep it the way it is now. Pretty sure you will find something that suits you :blush:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,565 Member
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    I deal with people who are ashamed of their bodies everyday and when they step in the gym, they are afraid that everyone is staring at them. It's never true, but that's how they feel.
    You'll NEVER change how people view you. Even the most fit and slim people get ridiculed for something. Even the bride who looks great will get "Wow, she looks like she lost 50lbs. I bet she starved herself to do it."
    I let people know that how people feel about you likely doesn't affect how you feel about your SO, your family, your kids, increase your income, etc. Part of what makes you is how you express yourself and changing to conform usually isn't the answer.
    You SHOULD work on being a normal weight due to reducing health issues, but you DON'T have to appease everyone to fit what they believe should be normal.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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  • artzymummy
    artzymummy Posts: 46 Member
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    Thanks everyone. I won't back out and I will try to get over myself, lol. The last wedding I was in was my brothers and all of us bridesmaids were about the same size, other then my seventeen y/o cousin who is naturally tiny. That was before my kids and when I was at the lowest weight (180 lbs) I had ever been in my adult life. To be honest, I felt great at that weight even though at the time I had every intention of going further.

    I appreciate being told nicely to suck it up and enjoy things as they are from people who can relate to fighting the weight battle. (My MIL has told me to suck it up about my weight numerous times. She isn't mean about it, she just doesn't get it.) I'm honestly not worried about the tattoos or the hair, each of my tattoos tell a story or plots an important part in my life. They were all well thought out and I don't regret them. The purple hair is actually something I've been wanting to do for a long time now and something I asked my sister in law about before I booked the appointment (and that was before I was asked to be in the wedding party). Whether or not I'll keep the hair color for the wedding, I'm not sure yet. Her colors are blue, white and gold so the hair shouldn't clash at any rate.

    Thanks again for the support. The community on here is so wonderful.
  • williams969
    williams969 Posts: 2,528 Member
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    streamgirl wrote: »
    Suggest that not everyone wear the same dress. I've been in several weddings where the bride chose a series of dresses (same color and fabric, but different cuts) and let everyone pick which was most flattering. It makes a huge difference, since different styles look better on different bodies.

    Yes. I'm a bridesmaid for my brother's wedding next month. The maids range in age from 13-50+, from less than 5ft-5'7, slender to very full figured and busty. My thoughtful future SIL chose different styles to flatter our very different bodies and ages.

    OP, they chose YOU, just as you are, beautiful tattoos and gorgeous purple hair and all, to have the honor of standing in the bridal party.

    And, regardless of estimated weight change by June, please buy a dress that fits you now. Infinitely less stressful (for you AND your seamstress) to make a dress smaller than falling a little short on pounds lost and faced with a too tight dress at the last minute.
  • amgreenwell
    amgreenwell Posts: 1,268 Member
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    I hope you don't back out, as it probably means a lot to your sister-in-law to have you in her wedding.
    I was married last year in May and had 7 bridesmaids ranging from size 0-22w. I basically picked three dresses for them to choose from and each of them found what was best for them. Out of the three they all seven picked two and everyone looked great.
    Remember, it is all about the bride and the groom. Yes, you'll be in family photos forever in that dress but just imagine how happy you'll be down the road when you've lost all the weight you want and can look back and be happy you aren't that size any more.
    Best of luck!
  • luv2bowl6
    luv2bowl6 Posts: 62 Member
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    I am a bridesmaid in august in my best friends wedding. All of her friends are size 1 and 2 and here is me size 14 and we all have the same dress. I am using this as an inspiration to lose weight.
  • LexieSweetheart
    LexieSweetheart Posts: 793 Member
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    Don't back out she wants you there. You can always alter your dress. Check out sydneyscloset.com they have beautifull dresses
  • DearestWinter
    DearestWinter Posts: 595 Member
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    Veryana wrote: »
    Depending on what kind of tattoos you have you can also decorate them btw. I've seen people decorate their tattoos with small glued gems in right places or add colours on them with removable dyes. If it is something you don't want to show in pictures you can always cover them with make up. You can dye your hair normal colour if it bothers you or add decorations to it and keep it the way it is now. Pretty sure you will find something that suits you :blush:

    Decorating tattoos is an awesome idea! I'd never heard of that but I love it. :)

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