Let's message!

momo_t90 wrote: »

Hi! I'm so glad you're genuinely interested in my story!

So I'm finishing my master's degree and let me tell you that first year was awful. I just moved into a new place, living on my own, didn't have friends. Life SUCKED. I got depressed. VERY depressed. Like to the point of thinking about suicide. I talked to a guy on the phone and he said he wouldn't let me hang up without promising him that I would go to the hospital. So I did. In the mean time my father is driving all the way from the other side of the state (that's 6 hours btw) to come help me, and if he wasn't there I would have been in a state funded psychiatric ward, but my father got me out of there and instead I went into an intensive outpatient program. They wanted me to stop going to school, but I said no. I had to keep working, so every time I wasn't in class, I was there at the hospital drawing pretty pictures, talking about our feelings, and making sure our medicines were working. And as cheesy as that sounds, it helped. If nothing else, I realized how much better off I was than the other people there. And hey! I made a friend there and we're the best of friends now! Did I mention the guy I had a huge crush on? He's the first person I went to about my depression and he cared so much. He kept texting me everyday to make sure I was okay. He helped me pull my **** together when I was a mess. I took those things the wrong way and grew very attached to him, so I told him I had feelings for him and he very gently let me down. It still stung like ****. And it doesn't help with the self-esteem when you already hate yourself (that's the depression talking, I love myself now). I went to therapy where I was taught to meditate and focus on the good things in life and that will help me forget that sad things in my life. That meant focusing on my family, my cat, music, support from my friends (I had made a few by then), instead of focusing on the bad things like being single when I want to have someone by my side, sucking at the thing I'm basing my career on, not being able to keep the apartment clean, being alone, being fat. And surprisingly it worked! I'm very happy! I'm able to love myself in the moment instead of thinking "once I have 'x' then I'll be happy." No. That's nonsense. Be happy first and then the things you want will come to you. So now I'm happy and I feel so inspired to take the steps to being a healthier me. And that's why I'm here! I joined myfitnesspal so I could lose the fat and gain something positive from the experience. I'm 5'5 with a starting weight at 253.2 lbs I'm now down to 246.8. It's only been three or four weeks and I've got a ways to go, but I'm proud to say I'm happy now and I don't care if it takes 2 years to lose the weight, I'm gonna do it. Btw, Korra from The Legend of Korra is very inspirational to me. We've been through a similar journey (the whole feeling like I can take over the world, meeting the world and realizing just how much it is f***** up and it f**** you up, and then you fall to pieces, cut your hair, do some self-exploration, find meaning in your suffering, live a happier life maybe). So see the girl in my profile pic? That's her. She inspires me to fight with all my might, to love life, to be all that I can be. Just one look at her and I'm ready to start running on the treadmill or do 100 push ups or a thousand sit up. Jk I can't really do that yet (I'm over 200 lbs and out of shape, lol) but I'll get there! You better believe that!

I forgot to mention, it's my last semester and I'm almost to the finish line. I can smell that master's degree. But I'm not sure I'll pass comps. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

So that's my story. I'd love to hear yours.