Fit Shaming.

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Kaygrace400
Kaygrace400 Posts: 19 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So when I was younger I was very overweight. Then I began to take sports more seriously and actually got into an about average weight range. Now I am pretty thin and built but I'm getting a lot of hate and negative vibes thrown at me. My friends are always saying "you're too skinny you need to eat" or "if you stop eating we will make you go talk to someone about it" then I get accused of being proana or prothinspo. It really sucks though because I've worked so hard to get to where I am. Yes I do diet and portion control but I don't starve myself or anything like that. I don't know how to respond because then they say I'm just making up excuses and they are close to making me go see a therapist or Doctor. I don't know what to do and it's starting to get to me ): if anyone has gone through please tell me how you dealt with it. Thanks so much. Much love xx

Replies

  • chandanista
    chandanista Posts: 986 Member
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    I don't suppose a chilly "My BMI is in the healthy range and my doctor is pleased. You will not bring this up again." Would work? Are they friends you can be blunt with?
  • minniemoo1972
    minniemoo1972 Posts: 295 Member
    edited March 2016
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    Go to your doctor.....get him to give you a thorough physical and then when you get a clean bill of health you can counter with " well my doctor says i am perfect as i am"
  • Whitezombiegirl
    Whitezombiegirl Posts: 1,042 Member
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    Yes im going through this right now. I was quizzed about my eating habits abd accused of being bulimic. Another co worker refused to give me back a diet book i had lent her because she thought id use it to lose weight- then told me id lost my bust and started guessing my weight really loudly. I dont know how to deal with it. Ive cried over it. Luckily my boss has been great.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,988 Member
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    Kaygrace400 wrote: »
    So when I was younger I was very overweight. Then I began to take sports more seriously and actually got into an about average weight range. Now I am pretty thin and built but I'm getting a lot of hate and negative vibes thrown at me. My friends are always saying "you're too skinny you need to eat" or "if you stop eating we will make you go talk to someone about it" then I get accused of being proana or prothinspo. It really sucks though because I've worked so hard to get to where I am. Yes I do diet and portion control but I don't starve myself or anything like that. I don't know how to respond because then they say I'm just making up excuses and they are close to making me go see a therapist or Doctor. I don't know what to do and it's starting to get to me ): if anyone has gone through please tell me how you dealt with it. Thanks so much. Much love xx

    What's your BMI and frame size? http://www.myfooddiary.com/Resources/frame_size_calculator.asp
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
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    I suspect there's more to the story. I hope you're fueling your body and stay at a healthy weight/BMI. Good luck.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    chandanista wrote: »
    I don't suppose a chilly "My BMI is in the healthy range and my doctor is pleased. You will not bring this up again." Would work? Are they friends you can be blunt with?

    Do we know that to be true?
  • JayRuby84
    JayRuby84 Posts: 557 Member
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    First of all, unless you are a minor, nobody else can force you into therapy. People may be used to seeing you one way and don't know how to deal with you being something else. If you are in deed being good to yourself and not being harmful, your friends should back off. I agree that a "My doctor is not concerned out my weight, so neither should you" might be helpful.
  • Jruzer
    Jruzer Posts: 3,501 Member
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    OP, are you actually 22 years old?
  • strongjess1980
    strongjess1980 Posts: 43 Member
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    This happened to me as well, it was very discouraging because I was just a couple pounds away from the top range of "Healthy BMI" weight range. I gave up and gained 15 lbs, stopped working out and lost muscle. I just decided today not to let them win! It's your body, not theirs, only you know which weight is optimal for you, stay at the weight that feels best, where you are the strongest... Everyone else be damned, they're just not used to seeing a healthier version of you. Give it time, they'll get over it when they realize that you eat well, and exercise regularly (assuming that is the case). Keep up the great work! Maintenance is the hardest part, this being one of the reasons!
  • chandanista
    chandanista Posts: 986 Member
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    DavPul wrote: »
    chandanista wrote: »
    I don't suppose a chilly "My BMI is in the healthy range and my doctor is pleased. You will not bring this up again." Would work? Are they friends you can be blunt with?

    Do we know that to be true?

    If it isn't true she shouldn't say it, of course. I presumed it from the comment about being in an average weight range but on the thin side. I could have misunderstood though, without detail hard to say.

    I just pulled her past posts and found her real age but no stats beyond that.
  • jenn26point2
    jenn26point2 Posts: 429 Member
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    I was going to say let them take you to the doctor and when the doctor says you're doing everything right, they'll shush it.

    I find the people who talk this way to us when we're doing our best to be healthy are those who look at us with resentment because they don't look as good or aren't as disciplined as us. They're projecting the negativity they feel about their own current situation on you b/c you're doing what they wish they could do.

    As long as your BMI is healthy, you don't have any weight related health issues and you feel what you're doing is reasonable, (i.e. you're not working out constantly, not eating below 1200 calories, etc), then I agree they need to leave you alone.

    It's funny how our society went from fat shaming to fit shaming in a matter of like 5 years. Before if you were too fat you were judged. Now if you're fit you're judged. Guess someone will always be judging us for something...
  • TheBlindTigress
    TheBlindTigress Posts: 4 Member
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    Best thing I can recommend is changing the subject every time it comes up.

    "OP, you're really thin."
    "That's nice. How about that new movie? Wasn't it great?"

    or

    "OP, you should eat more."
    "Thanks for caring. Wow, crazy weather we're having right?"

    Do this consistently. Every...single...time. If they're still bugging you about it, then you have to be a bit more assertive.

    "OP, really, you should have this quadruple bypass burger."
    "Look, friend, I know that you care about me and you want me to be healthy. I'm doing just fine. I'm on good terms with my doctor and my BMI is <insert bmi here>, which is perfectly healthy (if, indeed it actually is). I'm going to say this once: lay off. I don't want to talk about this every single time we get together, so if you want to keep hanging out and keep our friendship on good terms, you'll drop it. K? Great, thanks."

    I'm noticing the same thing as I get fitter and lighter. People aren't used to seeing healthy BMI's and figures, and it's doubly so if you were overweight. They have this mental image of you from back then, and you don't fit that, so their brain is telling them there is something wrong.

    Just make sure that you actually are healthy. I don't have any information to go on but what you gave us, so I assume this to be the case, so if you're healthy and happy, it's your life. Live it. Don't let them talk you into living their fantasy of your life.
  • hazleyes81
    hazleyes81 Posts: 296 Member
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    I went through this when I started lifting heavy and doing HIIT. My weight only went down a few pounds but I did get much smaller and a "concerned" coworker confronted me about it. It's nice to know people notice the changes, but still annoying that they consider it their business to advise you on your physique (assuming you are actually being healthy in your eating, fitness, and mental health).
  • hzl22
    hzl22 Posts: 157 Member
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    People are always going to find you too skinny or too fat and if you let them they will pick you apart as long as you are healthy that is all that matters
  • laurenjennifer1987mfp
    laurenjennifer1987mfp Posts: 55 Member
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    My friends wouldn't behave like that. Cut them short with the doctor / bmi thing if they are being really insistent, change the topic when they start talking about it. Thank them if they are well-meaning, but don't get involved in the topic of your diet or weight loss unless someone is genuinely asking for advice. It's not easy, but it gets easier - I have no issue cutting out / ignoring most negative influences, but it's taken a while to get to that point - sometimes you care what people think, even if its just a bit. Trick is not to let them get to you, the more you react and go on the defensive the easier it is to be sabotaged. Yes I am a bit cynical, but people who succeed come under more criticism than those who pass under the radar of daily life.
  • dr_soda
    dr_soda Posts: 57 Member
    edited March 2016
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    Some friends truly care about you. Perhaps their concerns are valid and they are seeing something you don't. If a friend falls into this category, consider if they are right. If they are not, be kind but firm in your response that you appreciate the concern but that your health and your doctor both are happier with the new you.

    Some friends are worried that if you change on the outside then maybe you are changing on the inside too (and you are); they fear that new person. This person may grow distant over time.

    Other "friends" only care about your status in the social pecking order compared to them. Your changing appearance represents a threat to them and their concept of where you fit. This person may work to sabotage you.

    Other "friends" want to sabotage you because your success threatens the stories they tell themselves about how it's impossible to change.

    Everyone who chooses to take control of their health and their body will eventually be forced to discern which of their friends have good motivations and which are self serving. The latter, you have no place for in your life. The former, you should always do your best to reassure and perhaps inspire by example.

    Other situations that will reveal this dynamic include going to college, persuing a career, becoming an entrepreneur, or any other change of life path.
  • Kait_Dee
    Kait_Dee Posts: 176 Member
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    dr_soda wrote: »
    Some friends truly care about you. Perhaps their concerns are valid and they are seeing something you don't. If a friend falls into this category, consider if they are right. If they are not, be kind but firm in your response that you appreciate the concern but that your health and your doctor both are happier with the new you.

    Some friends are worried that if you change on the outside then maybe you are changing on the inside too (and you are); they fear that new person. This person may grow distant over time.

    Other "friends" only care about your status in the divide pecking order compared to them. Your changing appearance represents a threat to them and their concept of where you fit. This person may work to sabotage you.

    Other "friends" want to sabotage you because your success threatens the stories they tell themselves about how it's impossible to change. This person also may work to sabotage you.

    Everyone who chooses to take control of their health and their body will eventually be forced to discern which of their friends have good motivations and which are self serving. The latter, you have no place for in your life. The former, you should always do your best to reassure and perhaps inspire by example.

    Other situations that will reveal this dynamic include going to college, persuing a career, becoming an entrepreneur, or any other change of life path.

    Fantastic advice.. <3

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