When your spouse doesn't share your fitness enthusiasm...

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  • jeffrodgers1
    jeffrodgers1 Posts: 991 Member
    When your spouse doesn't share your fitness enthusiasm... time for a new spouse? Kidding , I kid, I kid...

    Seriously though, can you find an activity that is fun and competitive that you can do together? Speaking as a man... I know we are sometimes pig headed and stubborn, but we also tend to be comptitive.

    Tell us that we can't do something... and I know personally, I'll try extra hard to prove the opposite.

    Make it fun... and there might be something there?

    I don't know you, to say what you guys would enjoy, but find something you would both enjoy and play it up!

    He has never been an active person. He does have a bike and keeps talking about riding it. He did a few times last year, but just around the block ( which is 1/2 mile) and once he took his son around the park reserve (6 miles).
    I hear " I can't" out of his mouth a lot. But I know it's a choice.. maybe I'll ask to go for a ride with him.. not today though, its raining again !

    Challenge him... ASK him if he is really saying "He Can't"... or is he saying "He Won't"?

    Sometimes challenging the mindset helps.
  • TS65
    TS65 Posts: 1,024 Member
    That was a flat out NO, Bethany !

    Bummer! I suppose it's because you are still newlyweds. :)

    nope, that's not it.. he is just too tired all the time, and one part of his body or another is hurting <sigh> I just can't win. Love him so much and just want him to be healthy and not tired all the time .

    You can't love someone into being healthy. Would you respond if your spouse was always pushing you to eat better and to exercise or would you start feeling resentful (regarless of how rarely it happens?) I know if my spouse were commenting on how poorly I was eating (before starting MFP) or my lack of exercise, I would NOT have taken kindly to his comments (regardless of whether he was right or not).

    Like you, he will have to do it for himself in his own time. You can only lead by example.

    That being said - who does the grocery shopping? Perhaps it's time to start omitting things from your grocery list (e.g., the pop-tarts!) so he will be forced to eat what is healthy (and available) or get his lazy booty off the couch and go out for food. :devil:
  • Amybethjohnson
    Amybethjohnson Posts: 23
    [/quote]

    nope, that's not it.. he is just too tired all the time, and one part of his body or another is hurting <sigh> I just can't win. Love him so much and just want him to be healthy and not tired all the time .
    [/quote]

    That being said - who does the grocery shopping? Perhaps it's time to start omitting things from your grocery list (e.g., the pop-tarts!) so he will be forced to eat what is healthy (and available) or get his lazy booty off the couch and go out for food. :devil:
    [/quote]

    We both shop. I buy the healthy, he buys the crap.
    I've never pressured or nagged. Just suggested. Like offering to make breakfast, and when he said no, I cooked for myself and let him smell my delicious scrambled eggs w/ veggies and cheese, toast, OJ and coffee :-)

    I can't fix him, and love him anyway. This is something he has to want for himself.
  • samb
    samb Posts: 464 Member
    My boyfriend is totally uninterested in being healthy, actually he tries not to be to spite me cuz I try to be so healthy. Once in a while he has a few moments of attempting healthy habits though but that is VERY RARE and doesnt last at all. I have talked to him so many times about it because I am worried about him getting diabetes as it runs in his family and he is the only one not diagnosed with it - but he won't go to the doctor so he could already have it mildly possibly. I dont know. But I do know that I have gotten him to go on a few short bike rides as he likes to ride bikes for a short period of time, and I also challenged him to a couple games of tennis, which he ended up sprinting across the court the whole time trying to beat me ;) So all I can say is be healthy yourself, try to influence your habits onto him - make a healthy breakfast/lunch/dinner etc that you both can enjoy together, maybe pack his lunch & snacks, and try to find activities you both enjoy or could potentially get him to do at least, or something competitive that he may end up really getting into.
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,423 Member
    I don't think you can change anyone else - personally I know that if someone tries to get me to do something I am most likely to do the opposite, just to prove that they can't boss me around (childish I know!)

    All you can do is what works for you and hope that he will learn from your good example.
    I'm noticing that my husband has stopped going back for seconds after dinner and will quite often have a glass of water with dinner instead of a wine, if that's what I'm doing.

    You are both adults and while I know it's hard to be concerned about someone's health, pointing it out and making them feel guilty (even if you aren't trying to) usually doesn't help, in my opinion.
  • faithbelievejoy
    faithbelievejoy Posts: 25 Member
    I have the same problem. When me and my fiance first got together he was at a good weight and then over the years he put on a good bit. He doesn't eat healthy at all, I can never get him to eat anything I do. Now his stomach is getting bigger and I've tried to tell him about it but he doesn't listen to me. Everytime I ask him to go for a walk with me he doesn't want to because he's tired. I guess it will catch up to him in the long run....but he kind of drags me down and I feel like it's hard for me to lose weight with his bad habits.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    It feels really codependent to me to try to push him into changing. But I'm not letting him hold me back either.

    Great point!
    I've never been in a relationship so I'm not an expert, but even if you try your hardest with others (like my family in this instance), it is ultimately up to them what to do. People can have all the tools and great support, but it is up to you what to do with your life and it is up to you to decide when you need help.
  • chrisdavey
    chrisdavey Posts: 9,834 Member
    From a males perspective, I think the challenge thing is a great idea. Most guys are pretty competitive.

    Also, liked the idea of logging a few days food for him and showing. I am sure the "in 5 weeks you will weigh xxx" could be a pretty good motivator.

    I can't believe the pound for pound challenge didn't work actually. haha

    On the no breakfast thing, that bit shouldn't matter. Plenty of people use this as a dieting strategy. Night time binges on crap foods going way above maintenance calories will definitely not help though.

    Also agree with the grocery shopping idea. Don't buy any ****, can't eat ****. He'll definitely have a whinge though. But there are so many delicious healthy things you can eat, I don't really understand why people continue to eat the bad stuff (those that are always talking about losing weight specifically here)

    Obviously not suggesting this but sort of related to this topic, I read this today.
    http://www.t-nation.com/strength-training-topics/1203
  • Dom_m
    Dom_m Posts: 336 Member
    Agree with Chris re the breakfast thing. Breakfast isn't the most important meal of the day. Eating the right amount of quality food each day is the most important thing. There's no general rule about when you should do it (obviously different people may find different timing works well or not well for them, but that's up to them).

    As for the rest of the problem. I always, always find that when I don't exercise I start eating low quality, highly refined food, in excessive quantities. I also find it harder to sleep at night and harder to stay awake during the day. I can't change my food or sleep habits at all. As soon as I start exercising again, the crap food completely looses its appeal, I get tired at night and have energy during the day. I crave quality (by which I mean essentially a vegan macrobiotic diet).

    Also, I started smoking when I worked in Hong Kong because I had a Japanese mate who stayed with me and smoked all the time, and the smokes there were delicious and cheap. But when I came back to Aus, I couldn't quite even though the smokes here are gross and expensive, and smoking is scorned. It took ages, and I was in a bad spiral of stress, smoking, bad food, no sleep, no energy. Smoking was just one more thing that I completely lost desire for once I started exercising properly (if you're gasping for breath, you don't want a smoke!)

    Since he resists exercise, and you've got a kid's habits to change too, why not try to rope them into outdoor family activities? I do rogaining, and a lot of the competitors are families with small children. If you got another family group you could make it a competition, which encourages training between events.

    Otherwise, do you know any men that are into exercise who might drag him along? (without letting him know you put them up to it).
  • gp79
    gp79 Posts: 1,799 Member
    Lead by example and hope he will follow.

    If you do the grocery shopping it will allow you to better control what's available and what choices your husband can make during the day.
  • pricenskok
    pricenskok Posts: 15
    Here is something that I haven't seen mentioned...What about showing him the amount of money he is spending on crap food, the money he could save by eliminating that would/could go for "X"??

    Money is a big deal to me, since I have been on the low end scraping by, barely able to afford a place to live, with a job that wasn't making ends meet. Now hubby has a great job, and I can stay home again with our babies, and I'm all about saving money anywhere I can.

    Do you think that might help him make healthier choices?? Good luck to you and hope he sees the "light" soon!!
  • HeyGrlHey
    HeyGrlHey Posts: 640
    Well my boyfriend was kind of the same (not really). I started walking and jogging around our neighborhood and I asked if he would join me. He said no, that he wouldn't until I was able to keep up with him so I wouldn't slow him down....I know rude right!

    Anyways, he came home one night from one of his jogs all out of breath. I asked him where he went and he said he found a really long road that he tried to jog straight, but couldn't. I knew of the road and had jogged it several times before. So I thought this would be a great opportunity to show him how far I have come.

    I told him that I could jog the road all the way. He thought I was joking. He said if I could he would start jogging with me. So the next day we got up and both jogged down the road. He was unable to jog it all the way. Me on the other hand...I was able to jog the road and go further! I was so proud of myself, and I could tell he was proud of my too.

    Now we go jogging together and he has to try and keep up with me!

    M.
  • pricenskok
    pricenskok Posts: 15
    hzminda,
    That is so funny!! I love it how our guys can think they can out-do us, and then we show them up! LOL Good job!! I too am very proud of you! hearing all the success stories on mfp helps keep me motivated, and I know in due time, I can do what i haven't been able to do before!!

    I would love to be able to run, I am a big girl, with big boobs, and so with not wanting to put an eye out, I haven't attempted it yet, as well as I'd probably pass out or hurt myself otherwise if I tried!! I'm getting there though! LOL
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