Did anyone in your life contribute to any food/weight/body image issues you have?
Shells918
Posts: 1,070 Member
I'm talking about mentally.
I grew up with a mother on a perpetual diet. A lifetime Weight Watchers member since before I was born, there was always diet butter/soda/dressing for her and regular stuff for my dad. She used the tiniest amount of sweet n low in her tea with her skim milk while my dad had whole milk and sugar in his coffee. Fat was a very bad word in the house, and my sister and I thought we were fat because my mom would point out the "flaws" like the little pudge by the knees or some such crap. We were both perfectly average sized, I was actually skinny at one point but that was never mentioned.
Fast forward to my 20s when I started gaining weight, I went from a size 10 to a 16 in what felt like overnight, and the weight just kept coming till I hit my all time high and size 22. I had to move home bc I was on disability and not working. I started getting my life together and dating: every time I didn't get a second date my mom would ask me, innocently if I thought maybe it was from the weight, which would just piss me off and make me want to eat more.
I ended up meeting an overweight guy and marrying him, and while I was with him, I found myself again. We started out going to weight watchers together, but he quit. I kept going, and lost 50 pounds in eight months. I started exercising at that point, the weight coming off. I ended up believing him, because I realized I wanted more for myself and life and someone that didn't care about what they look like or how they felt or how unhealthy they were. My mom was very supportive of my weight loss, and even my divorce. Because now, she was getting her thin pretty daughter back. Looks were so important to her. I ended up losing 80 pounds in total, and I looked so much better. But my mom, with the comments, saw me in a dress and pointed out that my stomach still stuck out a little bit. Thanks mom. So no matter how thin I have become in my life, she always has a comment about the weight, and what I am doing about it. When I decided to have a Tummy tuck after I had kept The weight off for a while, she was against it. She couldn't understand why I would have voluntary surgery, but it was exactly because of her comments about my stomach that gave me the idea to do it. She was not very supportive however she did help me when I needed it as far as having your surgery and needing assistance in the house.
Then I gained some weight back due to medication, and she just clucks and asks if there's anything else I can do. So here I am, six years after my tummy tuck, and still struggling to lose weight. It takes me much longer now, and I have to eat differently than ever before. And exercise more than I ever have. But she's always asking how much I've lost, she doesn't understand the inches and the measuring tape very well and she's always calculating in her head I can hear the Calculator going as she valiantly tries to figure out how much I weigh how much I've lost and what I want to weigh at the end. For some reason, even though she would never share her weight with me, she feels like it's her right as my mother to know how much I weigh at all times. I have never shared that number with her, but she still tries to get it out of me at all times. So I think that having a weight and body image obsessed mother has had a lot to do with my own personal body image. Thinking I was fat when I wasn't, and then being told I was fat are all things that can really hurt a woman's self-worth.
That was a bit longer than I intended so if you made it all the way through thank you.
I grew up with a mother on a perpetual diet. A lifetime Weight Watchers member since before I was born, there was always diet butter/soda/dressing for her and regular stuff for my dad. She used the tiniest amount of sweet n low in her tea with her skim milk while my dad had whole milk and sugar in his coffee. Fat was a very bad word in the house, and my sister and I thought we were fat because my mom would point out the "flaws" like the little pudge by the knees or some such crap. We were both perfectly average sized, I was actually skinny at one point but that was never mentioned.
Fast forward to my 20s when I started gaining weight, I went from a size 10 to a 16 in what felt like overnight, and the weight just kept coming till I hit my all time high and size 22. I had to move home bc I was on disability and not working. I started getting my life together and dating: every time I didn't get a second date my mom would ask me, innocently if I thought maybe it was from the weight, which would just piss me off and make me want to eat more.
I ended up meeting an overweight guy and marrying him, and while I was with him, I found myself again. We started out going to weight watchers together, but he quit. I kept going, and lost 50 pounds in eight months. I started exercising at that point, the weight coming off. I ended up believing him, because I realized I wanted more for myself and life and someone that didn't care about what they look like or how they felt or how unhealthy they were. My mom was very supportive of my weight loss, and even my divorce. Because now, she was getting her thin pretty daughter back. Looks were so important to her. I ended up losing 80 pounds in total, and I looked so much better. But my mom, with the comments, saw me in a dress and pointed out that my stomach still stuck out a little bit. Thanks mom. So no matter how thin I have become in my life, she always has a comment about the weight, and what I am doing about it. When I decided to have a Tummy tuck after I had kept The weight off for a while, she was against it. She couldn't understand why I would have voluntary surgery, but it was exactly because of her comments about my stomach that gave me the idea to do it. She was not very supportive however she did help me when I needed it as far as having your surgery and needing assistance in the house.
Then I gained some weight back due to medication, and she just clucks and asks if there's anything else I can do. So here I am, six years after my tummy tuck, and still struggling to lose weight. It takes me much longer now, and I have to eat differently than ever before. And exercise more than I ever have. But she's always asking how much I've lost, she doesn't understand the inches and the measuring tape very well and she's always calculating in her head I can hear the Calculator going as she valiantly tries to figure out how much I weigh how much I've lost and what I want to weigh at the end. For some reason, even though she would never share her weight with me, she feels like it's her right as my mother to know how much I weigh at all times. I have never shared that number with her, but she still tries to get it out of me at all times. So I think that having a weight and body image obsessed mother has had a lot to do with my own personal body image. Thinking I was fat when I wasn't, and then being told I was fat are all things that can really hurt a woman's self-worth.
That was a bit longer than I intended so if you made it all the way through thank you.
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I'm sure there have been people along the way but honestly, I've let it go. I moved to Europe 3 years ago and rarely see family now. Maybe you should tell her all these things about how you have felt over the years? She probably thinks she's just been a concerned mother.0
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I've tried. She doesn't see it, won't admit she does anything wrong. The running family joke is that she doesn't apologize for anything.0
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You're 46. And identify as someone's wife. And your post seems to be about blaming your mother.
Time to own yourself.
Your success is your own.0 -
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You're not a victim. Your personal view is where you got where you are. While people's opinions who are close to us may influence some behavior, you still are in control of you and what you choose to believe or think. Ask any successful people if there were detractors in the life and I'm sure they could easily blurt out at least 5 without thinking about it. But did they let those detractors impede their success? Obviously not.
As mentioned, you own yourself. You decide how your success goes and using past issues as excuse or reason to not succeed is impeding to your goal. Let it go.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I agree with @ninerbuff, particularly his comment about asking other successful people if they have experienced the same thing, which is exactly what the OP did in her thread title. Yes, she shared her story, but I think she was looking for similar stories from others and how they over came it.
IME, it's a long process, but it CAN be done. The sooner the better! Yes, I grew up with an always-on-a-diet mother who has always been overweight and inactive. She never learned a healthy relationship with food so I had to figure it out on my own. Takes a lot of trial and error. I wish I could be more specific but mainly it came down to me choosing myself and not letting anyone else drag me down, blood relative or not.
Also, OP, I know you didn't ask for advice, but my response to every single comment or reference your mom makes about your weight, size, health-status, etc. would be, "Love you mom, but I'm an adult now and my health is my business and my responsibility. I am worth MUCH more than the size and shape of my body." Repeat, repeat, repeat as often as necessary.0 -
It's easy for me to say this because when I was overweight I got a very easy ride from people, nobody mocked me, ever pointed it out, etc. And when I lost the weight I got nothing but positive praise and to an extent where I started to doubt the sincerity of it because I cannot accept praise. But anyway, I'm going to say what you've said should make it obvious the only person who you should let judge you, is you. Are you happy with yourself? If so, that's all you need. If your Mother says things about your weight, you need to find a way to tell her she is becoming increasingly irrelevant. The world is full of people who say mean things to other people, but when they're said to you - it is only you who determines the value and legitimacy of those words. I could for example call you all sorts of names and make awful comments, but if you decided I am wrong, I am nobody to you and my words mean nothing, then I am wrong, I am nobody to you and my words mean nothing. Obviously your Mother is somebody to you, but perhaps you need to ween yourself off what she thinks. If she isn't going to change her ways, you change your ways - because you have total control over how you take things, she doesn't - or at least she shouldn't.0
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I guess I should have put what I've learned since the impression was left that I'm still being hurt by my mom's remarks. I'm not. I've made it a joke and set boundaries with her so she can't upset me. I'm happy with myself, and super proud of how much I've accomplished by myself.EvgeniZyntx wrote: »You're 46. And identify as someone's wife. And your post seems to be about blaming your mother.
Time to own yourself.
Your success is your own.
Why is it wrong to identify as someone's wife. I'm very happily married.
My post was about people contributing to weight loss l/body image issues. My mother did that. She made fat a dirty disgusting thing in my mind for years. I blame her for that. It took a long time to get past it and see myself through my own eyes.
I am a walking success story. Including my amazing husband.
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I can relate to you OP. My father is just like your mom. He's a diabetic so I never really tasted junk food as a kid. No chips, no cakes, no nothing 'bad' in the house. So I was pretty much thin. Public opinion not mine. I was the fattest girl on earth in my eyes. My grandpa abused me since the day I was born till I was 5 y/o and then je died. A neighbor almost raped me when I was a kid but still didn't take to emotional eating. Lots of bullying and abuse I survived but then i broke down at 21 and got fat. I am still struggling to lose it 7 years later.0
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Meh i think you shouldnt blame your mom sound more like you to be honest
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What am I being dishonest about?Meh i think you shouldnt blame your mom sound more like you to be honestPeachesNcreamgal wrote: »I can relate to you OP. My father is just like your mom. He's a diabetic so I never really tasted junk food as a kid. No chips, no cakes, no nothing 'bad' in the house. So I was pretty much thin. Public opinion not mine. I was the fattest girl on earth in my eyes. My grandpa abused me since the day I was born till I was 5 y/o and then je died. A neighbor almost raped me when I was a kid but still didn't take to emotional eating. Lots of bullying and abuse I survived but then i broke down at 21 and got fat. I am still struggling to lose it 7 years later.
We have a lot in common. I got fat after a breakdown as well. Weight loss has been a struggle since.
It's not my mother's fault I'm struggling to lose weight, or even that I'm overweight. She never put a fork in my mouth. I can't understand the people harping on this. I got fat all on my own. I also got thin on my own and am doing so again, but it's almost against the odds when you grow up hearing certain things that start playing in your head. But I'm the one doing all the work.
I'm not blaming her for my failure or success. I'm actually even more proud that I could overcome all of the *kitten* she gave to be more successful than I ever thought I'd be. I'm not saying that this stuff is currently going on, and again, I was asking to see if anyone else had this stuff of similar growing up, rather than just blaming my mom for everything and not able to move forward.
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I think those close to us can really hurt us and give our self esteem a knock. But ultimately, no one can make you fat but you.
I am from a fat family. Parents, Grandparents, all big.
My mum spent my childhood on diets, and was open about her body dissatisfaction. Yes, it made me aware of my body from a young age.
My grandma would make comments about my weight one second, then offer me a bowl of ice cream the next. When I was bigger, she made comments, when I was thin, she would tell me I need to eat. I now realise that is HER issue, jealousy.
I was never overweight as a child, but during my mid-teens it started to creep up. At the time I was in an abusive relationship which lasted 6 years. Yes, he impacted my self esteem enormously! But he didn't force feed me!
BUT
After I left him, I lost all my weight. I worked so hard at it. And I knew that I had only myself to praise for that.. despite people being very supportive. So if that's the case, then only I was to blame for being fat, despite people being unsupportive. I suppose what I'm saying is, we are the masters of our own destinies. You can place blame wherever you like, but blaming your mother wont take away the pounds.
I'm now bigger than I've ever been, but I know the fault is mine, and the solution is too.
You can do this, you just need to let go
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Did anyone in your life contribute to any food/weight/body image issues you have?
If I have had any body issues then yeah someone probably said or did something that got stuck in my brain.
My siblings made fun of my toes and gave me a complex about my perfectly normal feet for quite awhile.
My parents were overweight. My grandmother was overweight. Lots of adults in my life were overweight. My mom never made comments about my body. She dieted off and on but never anything lasting. I remember feeling embarrased about her when I was young when I overheard some other kids make mean comments about her weight. Until that point it never occured to me that there was anything odd or wrong about my mother's appearance. So because some kids at school said things I felt different about my mom and myself. I loved my mom and I still feel ashamed that those comments got in my head for several years. My mom would have been so hurt if she knew I was ever ashamed of her appearance. She never said negative things about other people's weight.
I was always pretty thin without dieting and was made fun of for being thin as a kid. People joked about eating disorders in high school and asked me if I was anorexic. Average size girl's would tell me they hated me because I was thinner even in college. I didn't feel like it was a compliment and really felt ugly and like I didn't want people to see me. I didn't realize that they were just messed up girls. I internalized it as me being disgusting and freakish to normal people. I didn't wear revealing or tight clothing or dress up.
After college I was in the middle bmi and felt pretty good about myself and was being more independent. I started getting some positive attention from guys and met the guy I would marry. I wasn't a different person on the inside really.
When I got pregnant, it was strange and confusing feeling to be gaining weight. My head said it was normal but it still made me feel a bit anxious. Dh wasn't pushing me away but never told me that he thought I was sexy pregnant until years later. I guess he felt awkward about saying that. After the pregnancy, I weighed 20 lbs more than before but felt more normal in society than I ever had. I was at the top of the bmi for my height but wasn't overweight yet so I didn't worry about losing weight yet. I gained more weight gradually as my lifestyle was sedentary but I ate the same. I felt horrible when a family member put their hand on my belly and asked when I was due one Thanksgiving... of course I was not pregnant. I had thought I looked fine but that one comment suddenly made me feel fat and bad.
I didn't really know how to lose weight so tried dumb diets and punished myself with exercise and lost, gained, lost, gained and generally felt bad about myself. Dh always told me I was sexy over the years but I didn't get how I could have been sexy to him at 125 lbs and on up to 180 lbs. Guys are supposed to like one body type according to society after all. I didn't notice or care much about his weight gain or body changes as we got older either.
I watched my mom fight cancer and lose after spending the last few years more and more in her chair in front of the tv due to her weight making walking places hard and sleeping in bed hard. I don't want my life to be like that and seeing her health deteriorate impacted me. We were pretty close and I wish she could have lost weight when she was younger so she could have been healthier and been here with us longer.
I feel like I am pretty okay with myself now at age 41 though. I think when I was in my 30's I did some hard thinking and decided to like myself no matter what my weight or what anyone else thought. The number on the scale or my clothing size is not my value as a human being. I have people I love and people who love me. I'm getting to a healthy weight because I deserve to live a full healthy life.0 -
Does it matter who contributed? As a grown person, it is your responsibility to deal with it now.0
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It's hard dealing with that in your life. I agree and disagree with some of the posts above.
I had a little different experience growing up, as my mother is a larger woman frame and height, and I was always being told "if you lost 10 lbs you could fit in those clothes". As a child/teen it really affects you emotionally and it is hard to deal with when you don't have anyone else to talk to about it. As I have grown up, I have realized she never meant it to be mean or call me fat. She just didn't know how to encourage me to be healthier, even though she was bringing in the "junk food", and not encouraging me to get involve in activities. I resorted to food a lot for comfort. I have thus been heavy most of my life.
That being said, it's not just healthier lifestyle with diet and exercise, it is also changing how you mentally process things. The best thing for me was moving out of my parent's house. I understand you have to life with them currently, but you have to try your best to live your life.
I have realized, my family are not healthy eaters. A lot of what I grew up on, even the home cooked meals were not all that healthy. So I have spent my adult life essentially correcting my habits that I was taught as a child. It is hard, but I have to move on. It is my decision now to become healthier.
Now I just have to deal with the "I hope you're not making yourself sick" comments as I lose weight. Typically, I just reassure her that I am healthier, or feel healthier than I've ever been and move on.
You have to want it for you, not anyone else.0 -
EvgeniZyntx wrote: »You're 46. And identify as someone's wife. And your post seems to be about blaming your mother.
Time to own yourself.
Your success is your own.
Amen. I was abused as a child and my parents definitely made me fat. I didn't have any metabolism issues, they over fed and over indulged us kids growing up. The only one without weight issues is the youngest, but because she joined sports when she got pudgy. We were too poor for me to participate in sports when I asked. Watched my mom yo yo diet all my life, spent so long on the treadmill each day, and one day spent hours in the garage on it. So long that my sister and I had to help the baby out of bed and get her a bottle. Mom wouldn't leave the treadmill. I was 6.
But you have to move on. It sounds like you harbor a LOT of blame and resentment. If it really bugs you so much, don't associate with her. She gave you life but you're an adult. I wouldn't allow my mother to make comments on my weight, she isn't allowed to. I just seriously don't listen, I walk away. There are some days I have anger about it again but I just have to move past it. I can't forgive, I've tried. But I can leave it in the past and focus on myself and the present. She can't fix the past anymore than I can,and there's no benefit to raking it across the coals each time I see her.
This is also why I will not have children, it's far too easy for your mental baggage to impact them.0 -
EvgeniZyntx wrote: »You're 46. And identify as someone's wife. And your post seems to be about blaming your mother.
Time to own yourself.
Your success is your own.
Amen. I was abused as a child and my parents definitely made me fat. I didn't have any metabolism issues, they over fed and over indulged us kids growing up. The only one without weight issues is the youngest, but because she joined sports when she got pudgy. We were too poor for me to participate in sports when I asked. Watched my mom yo yo diet all my life, spent so long on the treadmill each day, and one day spent hours in the garage on it. So long that my sister and I had to help the baby out of bed and get her a bottle. Mom wouldn't leave the treadmill. I was 6.
But you have to move on. It sounds like you harbor a LOT of blame and resentment. If it really bugs you so much, don't associate with her. She gave you life but you're an adult. I wouldn't allow my mother to make comments on my weight, she isn't allowed to. I just seriously don't listen, I walk away. There are some days I have anger about it again but I just have to move past it. I can't forgive, I've tried. But I can leave it in the past and focus on myself and the present. She can't fix the past anymore than I can,and there's no benefit to raking it across the coals each time I see her.
This is also why I will not have children, it's far too easy for your mental baggage to impact them.
I barely associate with my mother now.
And I don't have kids.
My issues with her run way deeper than weight, but that's for another place.0 -
Narcissistic Parents to any degree will suffocate you eventually , just because she's your mother , doesn't mean she is normal , most parents screw up their kids in one way or an other , See and admit what's going on to yourself and just accept it and then discover that we all have a back bone and start using it before it's too late .
My mother is mentally unstable , but like your family will not admit it as a family out in the open so you can get support ... Yet friends and family and strangers don't see what we go thru and how it affects us , .... that makes you a PURE HEART , like the rest of us who have gone thru this kind of abuse ....
I would tell my family that i am on a diet and to not remind me of food ,,,,
My mother would , like a COO Coo Clock , first find me to say:
She would say it in a sterner voice and at times threatening.---> Come and eat , the food is hot ,
after i didn't respond ,
10 minutes later , the food is getting cold , " COME AND EAT "
then 1/2 hour later , the food is on the counter ,
then 1/2 later the food is in the refrigerator ,
I would tell her again and again each day , yet she would repeat her attempts to control me .
I am sorry you and others and me have to go thru this still ... I broke off communication with her so i can focus on my weight loss and avoid seeing her .
I am losing weight now cause i don't have her around reminding me about FOOD , she's From a different generation like i am from her .
Here is something i remind myself to not fall into her footsteps.
Why I want to get in shape:
Maybe your like me and understand the value of this
>
" Do not confine your children to your own learning, for they were born in a different time." Hebrew Proverb
Have faith Darls wife ,
? Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
Being told I was NOT FAT are all things that can really hurt a man's self-worth too , especially when i knew i was ,
Almost the same problem as you but in a different way , my mother is still FAT and sometimes i think she does it so she won't be alone in the family with a weight problem ...
Don't let her own you .... Your stronger then this ....
Nick ...
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hunkofmexican wrote: »Narcissistic Parents to any degree will suffocate you eventually , just because she's your mother , doesn't mean she is normal , most parents screw up their kids in one way or an other , See and admit what's going on to yourself and just accept it and then discover that we all have a back bone and start using it before it's too late .
My mother is mentally unstable , but like your family will not admit it as a family out in the open so you can get support ... Yet friends and family and strangers don't see what we go thru and how it affects us , .... that makes you a PURE HEART , like the rest of us who have gone thru this kind of abuse ....
I would tell my family that i am on a diet and to not remind me of food ,,,,
My mother would , like a COO Coo Clock , first find me to say:
She would say it in a sterner voice and at times threatening.---> Come and eat , the food is hot ,
after i didn't respond ,
10 minutes later , the food is getting cold , " COME AND EAT "
then 1/2 hour later , the food is on the counter ,
then 1/2 later the food is in the refrigerator ,
I would tell her again and again each day , yet she would repeat her attempts to control me .
I am sorry you and others and me have to go thru this still ... I broke off communication with her so i can focus on my weight loss and avoid seeing her .
I am losing weight now cause i don't have her around reminding me about FOOD , she's From a different generation like i am from her .
Here is something i remind myself to not fall into her footsteps.
Why I want to get in shape:
Maybe your like me and understand the value of this
>
" Do not confine your children to your own learning, for they were born in a different time." Hebrew Proverb
Have faith Darls wife ,
? Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
Being told I was NOT FAT are all things that can really hurt a man's self-worth too , especially when i knew i was ,
Almost the same problem as you but in a different way , my mother is still FAT and sometimes i think she does it so she won't be alone in the family with a weight problem ...
Don't let her own you .... Your stronger then this ....
Nick ...
Thank you. I appreciate your words more than you know.0 -
OP, I can relate in some ways. I didn't get the impression you were blaming being fat on your mom...
I have wondered why I have an unhealthy relationship with food, and I do think my upbringing around food could have contributed.
My mother was also constantly on some kind of diet, ever since I can remember. She has also been obese ever since I can remember, and I was overweight/obese as a child.
It was like I had one of either side of the extreme at any given time. Either she was dieting and therefore I was on whatever diet she was doing - even at a very young age - or she was binging and so I binged. We would either have absolutely no junk in the house, or we'd eat nothing but junk. I had no real sense of what a nutritious, balanced diet looked like. I grew up making boxed Mac n cheese or pancakes for myself for dinner and had no portion control. OR, I would be doing weight watchers or the cabbage soup diet or whatever thing my mom had us doing at the time.
My mom would also make comments about my weight and appearance. Very snide. "Do you think you should wear that at your weight?"
Who am I kidding? She still makes snide comments all the time and I am finally beginning to see her for what she truly is. She is very unhappy with herself although she will deny it. She puts others down to take negative attention away from herself.
Anyway... I am not a fan of anyone blaming getting fat on anyone else but themselves. However, I do think the way a child is raised can significantly impact their relationship with food.0 -
OP, ..... Eye Agree ! ...................... the way a child is raised can significantly impact their relationship with food. .... Now we are grown humans and can change that with understanding that there was something that we couldn't help till we figured the truth out, we are not the problem . But we can be the Solution .0
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I'm really surprised and disappointed in all the people being completely dismissive of how those in our lives can have a huge effect on body image and how we deal with food. Of course those childhood lessons and insecurities are going to effect us.
Yes, my mom and dad had a huge effect on how I saw myself and how I approached dieting. My mom had me start yo yo, fad dieting and exercising with her at 7 because "we" were getting too chunky. It was all about her and how she saw herself but she projected those feelings onto me from a very young age. Then we would go into the binge cycle of it all and eat until we hated ourselves again. As a preteen and teen, she often made comments about whether I should wear certain things and how maybe I should go up sizes despite mediums fitting me just fine. My dad used to grab my stomach and love handles and ask me when I got so fat. Poke my stomach and say maybe I should eat a little less. I was not a fat kid. I wasn't a twig but I certainly wasn't in even the over weight category.
OF COURSE THOSE EFFECTED ME. It's hard to overcome habits that have been shaped since a young child. Its hard to not look at yourself in the mirror and see what everyone is saying must be true. It's hard to break out of a binge-diet cycle. Its hard to acquire a taste for veggies and fruit when those were never offered to you. I'm not saying it's impossible to overcome those things because that is what I'm in the process of doing right now. But to act like people are just using it as some lame excuse is a complete dismissal of what those of us struggling with these things are going through.
And I can only hope that I'm being a better example for my children and giving them the proper tools to lead a healthier lifestyle into their adult lives.0 -
I totally get where you're coming from, OP. My mom was, and is, very similar to yours. Since I was little, she constantly comments on my weight and the food I eat, and it really gave me an unhealthy relationship with food and exercise.
I think the most important thing is not to blame the people in your life who influenced you in these ways but to recognize their influence and try to distance yourself from it.0 -
Thank you @hunkofmexican ,@meganridenour, @samchez0 @nebulasprout for understanding the point of this post.0
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My elder brother affected my body image, mostly by pushing me to stress/emotionally eat. He abused me for several years, mentally and sexually, because he got a kick out of seeing his baby sister panic and be afraid. Pretty sure looking back that I went into "get fat so he'll leave me alone" phase, which didn't work. Hitting early puberty didn't help, especially at school. I was the first girl with boobies and that brought on daily comments from certain boys along with my brother. School was no longer a "safe" place to escape. Idk what attracted the guys who cat-call for the sake of it to me, but it did.
As for food, my mom took me to many family reunions. I went because I liked being with my mom and I was the only kid who would willingly go. The food was served buffet style with potluck aspect. Only at the reunions did anyone comment on how I ate foods. I ate (and still do) foods separately, not touching each other, and I didn't eat common things like gravy and potato salad. Desserts were the only things I'd eat without altering them. It got embarrassing to eat around my external family to the point that one afternoon I'd had enough of the nitpicking and took my chicken drumstick to the car to eat in private. Of course, when I got back, it was all "She never eats with us. What's wrong with her?" It's been a couple decades and I still have difficulty eating in public places. I always feel people are judging my eating.0 -
Well all moms point out your flaws its their thing their to honest but when my mom told me long hair was for gurls it made me feel bad but i still knew i looked good lol u kno?0
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My whole family is extremely critical and conscious of weight so yes. It's a cultural thing. If you gain a few pounds, you'll never hear the end of it. And, one of my exes put a lot of pressure on me and i let it get to me.
I think a lot of people have issues like this about their weight or self esteem. If not a person, the media surely does it.0
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