When your spouse doesn't share your fitness enthusiasm...
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My hubby is the same way. Every morning he says how tired he still is yet he sleeps more then I do. He smokes and doesn't eat right and it makes me crazy lol. He has lost a bunch of weight from when we first got together (orginally well over 300, now about 250 and 6' tall). But he has done it the "wrong way" - just doesn't eat. He has a pretty physical job so that keeps him somewhat active but I know his nutrition sucks unless I cook and hand him everything he eats. But then he will still go to the gas station and get crap food and energy drinks. Sorry - went off on my own little tangent there lol!!0
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Have the kids asked him? If the concern for his health comes from the kids, how does he react?
Bjorn is at that age where they talk in school about the dangers of smoking.. he has asked his dad more than once, when he is planning to quit. Bjorn needs to get out more too. He just sits in his room all day playing video games . <sigh> I wish I could wave a magic wand and motivate everyone !0 -
Have the kids asked him? If the concern for his health comes from the kids, how does he react?
Bjorn is at that age where they talk in school about the dangers of smoking.. he has asked his dad more than once, when he is planning to quit. Bjorn needs to get out more too. He just sits in his room all day playing video games . <sigh> I wish I could wave a magic wand and motivate everyone !
Have you guilted him in to setting a good example for Bjorn? If your husband doesn't change his ways... Bjorn will grow up with health risks too? I know it's not good to coerce someone in to doing something they don't want to do. And guilt is not really the way to go. But in this case, it would seem that he would want to do something to show his son how to be healthy instead of sit indoors all day long.0 -
On one hand, it's nice to see I'm not alone. On the other... Ugh.
I pulled a hamstring last week and have been told not to walk any more than is absolutely necessary. So I had to explain to my four-year-old that I can't go out with him when he wants to ride his scooter or kick the soccer ball with him or play tennis with him. He'll have to ask Daddy.
And my husband just stared at me like I was volunteering him to join the Marines.
I'm at the lowest weight I've seen in a REALLY long time. He's at his highest weight ever. Our son prefers hanging out with me because I actively engage him in activities. We go out for runs (well, he rides his scooter or tricycle and I run beside him), we garden, we play ball. Sometimes, we'll sit down and read together when he needs a break.
My husband sits on the couch and watches TV or plays video games with him.
He saw one of his best friends from high school a few weeks ago and commented that his friend lost a lot of weight and looked amazing. He even commented aloud to him that he "needs to get off [his] butt and start doing something". And when he made the statement, I was encouraging and made all kinds of suggestions, but to no avail. Instead, he eats 2 gallons of ice cream and 2 or 3 bags of potato chips a week. He polishes off 2-liters of soda in a day or two, and there's nothing I can do or say to get him to change it.
He complains that he's tired all the time, too. He doesn't eat breakfast. He goes to bed at midnight or later (usually up playing video games) and complains at 6am when I wake him to get up. He has no desire to exercise, even after I got him a Kinect for his XBox for his birthday. Meanwhile, I'm anxious and itching start moving again and am looking for yoga videos that I can do while I wait for my muscles to heal.
It's not a good sign when he won't even make the necessary changes for his son, let alone himself.
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I will share what worked for me, for others in this thread who don't know...
My husband was the same way. He was pushing 60+ pounds of extra weight and it was only getting worse. He used to be in great shape when we met 21 years ago. He plays in a band on the weekends and ate junk after the gig on his long drive home. I was also out of shape and carrying extra weight after the birth of our 2 children. I was also just as lazy and ate a lot of quickie meals.
When I made up my mind to get healthy, he just watched. As I started to feel better, he was very supportive but still didn't do anything for his own health. I made "deals" with him that I would change something he didn't like about me if he could lose 20 pounds. Didn't work. So I thought harder and really tried to find something that would get his attention.
After 21 years of being together and 2 children, intimacy only came when we both had the energy at the end of the day. Of course, being a man, it was never frequent enough for him. So how could I work that in to him losing weight? I came up with a challenge that not only got him moving, but he dropped 30 pounds in the first 5 months!
The challenge was what I call the "pound for pound challenge". LOL! For every pound he lost, he could trade it in for sex. He can use that credit at any time and I could not be tired, have a headache, etc. He could cash it whenever he wanted. So far, it has got him moving and halfway to his goal. I'm happy because he's losing weight. He's happy because he's getting more sex. I'm happy because he's happy!
When he started stalling on losing weight at the end of May, I upped the challenge. For every pound he lost in June... I would DOUBLE his credits! He's a workout machine lately!!!
The point above is to find out what makes your mate "tick". What do they want? Then try to find a way to motivate them to get them what they want. Worked for me!
I love this! I may have to try this with my husband to get him to quit smoking!0 -
My husband sits on the couch and watches TV or plays video games with him.
He saw one of his best friends from high school a few weeks ago and commented that his friend lost a lot of weight and looked amazing. He even commented aloud to him that he "needs to get off [his] butt and start doing something". And when he made the statement, I was encouraging and made all kinds of suggestions, but to no avail. Instead, he eats 2 gallons of ice cream and 2 or 3 bags of potato chips a week. He polishes off 2-liters of soda in a day or two, and there's nothing I can do or say to get him to change it.
He complains that he's tired all the time, too. He doesn't eat breakfast. He goes to bed at midnight or later (usually up playing video games) and complains at 6am when I wake him to get up. He has no desire to exercise, even after I got him a Kinect for his XBox for his birthday. Meanwhile, I'm anxious and itching start moving again and am looking for yoga videos that I can do while I wait for my muscles to heal.
It's not a good sign when he won't even make the necessary changes for his son, let alone himself.
I have the talk all written up in my head. We missed out on 23 years together (we first met in 1987 and found each other again 1 1/2 years ago).. I want him to be around for a long long time .
He did eat an apple a few minutes ago, and pointed out to me that he was eating it -- :"see, I am eating an apple. "0 -
leave him to it.
Its not fair to make him eat breakfast anymore than it would be fair for him to try and make you eat supper if you werent hungry then. Hes probably still full from the night before. My partner eats more in the evening, and less in the morning too. Hes always done it and its none of my business
I think you cant make someone take an interest in fitness. You can lead by example, but if he feels pressured into it, then hes doing it for the wrong reasons anyway and would probably give up quickly0 -
I'm in the same boat, but I've decided to leave it be...I really wish he would quit smoking though!0
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keep strong and focused on your goals0
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my husband is the same way. we will have lasagna and while im making the dinner if i have noodles left he will eat them with butter or by them selves and then he eats a over abundance of the supper and will later be Hungary.. it is very frustrating to diet by ur self,, i have gained 10 pds this year after losing 30 the year b4,,,0
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When your spouse doesn't share your fitness enthusiasm... time for a new spouse? Kidding , I kid, I kid...
Seriously though, can you find an activity that is fun and competitive that you can do together? Speaking as a man... I know we are sometimes pig headed and stubborn, but we also tend to be comptitive.
Tell us that we can't do something... and I know personally, I'll try extra hard to prove the opposite.
Make it fun... and there might be something there?
I don't know you, to say what you guys would enjoy, but find something you would both enjoy and play it up!
He has never been an active person. He does have a bike and keeps talking about riding it. He did a few times last year, but just around the block ( which is 1/2 mile) and once he took his son around the park reserve (6 miles).
I hear " I can't" out of his mouth a lot. But I know it's a choice.. maybe I'll ask to go for a ride with him.. not today though, its raining again !
Challenge him... ASK him if he is really saying "He Can't"... or is he saying "He Won't"?
Sometimes challenging the mindset helps.0 -
That was a flat out NO, Bethany !
Bummer! I suppose it's because you are still newlyweds.
nope, that's not it.. he is just too tired all the time, and one part of his body or another is hurting <sigh> I just can't win. Love him so much and just want him to be healthy and not tired all the time .
You can't love someone into being healthy. Would you respond if your spouse was always pushing you to eat better and to exercise or would you start feeling resentful (regarless of how rarely it happens?) I know if my spouse were commenting on how poorly I was eating (before starting MFP) or my lack of exercise, I would NOT have taken kindly to his comments (regardless of whether he was right or not).
Like you, he will have to do it for himself in his own time. You can only lead by example.
That being said - who does the grocery shopping? Perhaps it's time to start omitting things from your grocery list (e.g., the pop-tarts!) so he will be forced to eat what is healthy (and available) or get his lazy booty off the couch and go out for food. :devil:0 -
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nope, that's not it.. he is just too tired all the time, and one part of his body or another is hurting <sigh> I just can't win. Love him so much and just want him to be healthy and not tired all the time .
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That being said - who does the grocery shopping? Perhaps it's time to start omitting things from your grocery list (e.g., the pop-tarts!) so he will be forced to eat what is healthy (and available) or get his lazy booty off the couch and go out for food. :devil:
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We both shop. I buy the healthy, he buys the crap.
I've never pressured or nagged. Just suggested. Like offering to make breakfast, and when he said no, I cooked for myself and let him smell my delicious scrambled eggs w/ veggies and cheese, toast, OJ and coffee :-)
I can't fix him, and love him anyway. This is something he has to want for himself.0 -
My boyfriend is totally uninterested in being healthy, actually he tries not to be to spite me cuz I try to be so healthy. Once in a while he has a few moments of attempting healthy habits though but that is VERY RARE and doesnt last at all. I have talked to him so many times about it because I am worried about him getting diabetes as it runs in his family and he is the only one not diagnosed with it - but he won't go to the doctor so he could already have it mildly possibly. I dont know. But I do know that I have gotten him to go on a few short bike rides as he likes to ride bikes for a short period of time, and I also challenged him to a couple games of tennis, which he ended up sprinting across the court the whole time trying to beat me
So all I can say is be healthy yourself, try to influence your habits onto him - make a healthy breakfast/lunch/dinner etc that you both can enjoy together, maybe pack his lunch & snacks, and try to find activities you both enjoy or could potentially get him to do at least, or something competitive that he may end up really getting into. 0 -
I don't think you can change anyone else - personally I know that if someone tries to get me to do something I am most likely to do the opposite, just to prove that they can't boss me around (childish I know!)
All you can do is what works for you and hope that he will learn from your good example.
I'm noticing that my husband has stopped going back for seconds after dinner and will quite often have a glass of water with dinner instead of a wine, if that's what I'm doing.
You are both adults and while I know it's hard to be concerned about someone's health, pointing it out and making them feel guilty (even if you aren't trying to) usually doesn't help, in my opinion.0 -
I have the same problem. When me and my fiance first got together he was at a good weight and then over the years he put on a good bit. He doesn't eat healthy at all, I can never get him to eat anything I do. Now his stomach is getting bigger and I've tried to tell him about it but he doesn't listen to me. Everytime I ask him to go for a walk with me he doesn't want to because he's tired. I guess it will catch up to him in the long run....but he kind of drags me down and I feel like it's hard for me to lose weight with his bad habits.0
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It feels really codependent to me to try to push him into changing. But I'm not letting him hold me back either.
Great point!
I've never been in a relationship so I'm not an expert, but even if you try your hardest with others (like my family in this instance), it is ultimately up to them what to do. People can have all the tools and great support, but it is up to you what to do with your life and it is up to you to decide when you need help.0 -
From a males perspective, I think the challenge thing is a great idea. Most guys are pretty competitive.
Also, liked the idea of logging a few days food for him and showing. I am sure the "in 5 weeks you will weigh xxx" could be a pretty good motivator.
I can't believe the pound for pound challenge didn't work actually. haha
On the no breakfast thing, that bit shouldn't matter. Plenty of people use this as a dieting strategy. Night time binges on crap foods going way above maintenance calories will definitely not help though.
Also agree with the grocery shopping idea. Don't buy any ****, can't eat ****. He'll definitely have a whinge though. But there are so many delicious healthy things you can eat, I don't really understand why people continue to eat the bad stuff (those that are always talking about losing weight specifically here)
Obviously not suggesting this but sort of related to this topic, I read this today.
http://www.t-nation.com/strength-training-topics/12030 -
Agree with Chris re the breakfast thing. Breakfast isn't the most important meal of the day. Eating the right amount of quality food each day is the most important thing. There's no general rule about when you should do it (obviously different people may find different timing works well or not well for them, but that's up to them).
As for the rest of the problem. I always, always find that when I don't exercise I start eating low quality, highly refined food, in excessive quantities. I also find it harder to sleep at night and harder to stay awake during the day. I can't change my food or sleep habits at all. As soon as I start exercising again, the crap food completely looses its appeal, I get tired at night and have energy during the day. I crave quality (by which I mean essentially a vegan macrobiotic diet).
Also, I started smoking when I worked in Hong Kong because I had a Japanese mate who stayed with me and smoked all the time, and the smokes there were delicious and cheap. But when I came back to Aus, I couldn't quite even though the smokes here are gross and expensive, and smoking is scorned. It took ages, and I was in a bad spiral of stress, smoking, bad food, no sleep, no energy. Smoking was just one more thing that I completely lost desire for once I started exercising properly (if you're gasping for breath, you don't want a smoke!)
Since he resists exercise, and you've got a kid's habits to change too, why not try to rope them into outdoor family activities? I do rogaining, and a lot of the competitors are families with small children. If you got another family group you could make it a competition, which encourages training between events.
Otherwise, do you know any men that are into exercise who might drag him along? (without letting him know you put them up to it).0 -
Lead by example and hope he will follow.
If you do the grocery shopping it will allow you to better control what's available and what choices your husband can make during the day.0
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