The 'All or Nothing' Mindset

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MandiCole1
MandiCole1 Posts: 31 Member
edited March 2016 in Motivation and Support
My greatest strength is also my greatest downfall. I'm a perfectionist. It seems like everything I do is "feast or famine", "all or nothing".

How have others been able to overcome this hurdle?

Replies

  • dustedwithsugar
    dustedwithsugar Posts: 179 Member
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    That was huge problem for me and reason why I failed to lose weight any other time. What helped me? Counting calories. Since I don't have "forbidden" foods anymore, the only way I can screw up my diet is eating above my calorie limit. If I do, I eat less next day or I have extra workout. Or I just move on. So since I realised I can eat anything and nothing is forbidden, all or nothing mindset is gone (I hope for good!)
  • SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage
    SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage Posts: 2,671 Member
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    This is me to a T.
    I surround myself with people who level me out, particularly my husband. He's good at talking sense into me.
    Also by training myself to stop and think about things before acting.
    For things like weight loss though, this is a good quality to have. Once you've made up your mind to do it, nothing will stand in your way!
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,712 Member
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    Many people have the "all or nothing" mindset. I think reasoning with yourself and learning to say, "Good enough!" is important. Meaning, why do we have this mindset when it comes to eating but not other things? Sometimes if we eat something we shouldn't then we just write off the whole day. I like the reasoning that if you got a speeding ticket on the way to work in the morning would you then just disregard all traffic laws the rest of the day? Or if you car gets a flat tire would you just slash the other 3? That seems to work for me.

    I've also adopted the phrase "good enough!" and use it regularly.
  • catherinekalberg
    catherinekalberg Posts: 18 Member
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    dustedwithsugar wrote: »
    That was huge problem for me and reason why I failed to lose weight any other time. What helped me? Counting calories. Since I don't have "forbidden" foods anymore, the only way I can screw up my diet is eating above my calorie limit. If I do, I eat less next day or I have extra workout. Or I just move on. So since I realised I can eat anything and nothing is forbidden, all or nothing mindset is gone (I hope for good!)

    That really is key.^ If you have bad food around eventually you will eat it.
  • Redbeard333
    Redbeard333 Posts: 381 Member
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    I've found that people that do the "all or nothing" have good intentions, but perhaps set themselves up for failure when they realize that so many changes, albeit positive ones, are tough to maintain. For instance, I always knew what it would take to lose weight. I'd say "from this day forth I'll x, y, and z to lose weight", but in the end it would fail after a week or two. However, this last time I made small changes over a long period of time that were sustainable; that's what ended up working for me.
  • jwaschy
    jwaschy Posts: 3 Member
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    I struggle with this as well! It is a hard thing to overcome for us perfectionist but I think we can do it! Just stay the course! :smile:
  • lucyjoon402
    lucyjoon402 Posts: 65 Member
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    Definitely is a mindset! The only way for me to get over this was to learn how to be ok with me not being on point ALL the time. We aren't perfect and it took me awhile to be ok with that. NOW I just pick up the next day and go from there. You can't change the past, but you can change TODAY
  • RainDrops930
    RainDrops930 Posts: 46 Member
    edited March 2016
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    If you were driving on the highway and you drove past your exit, would you just keep driving? Or would you turn around and get to where you need to go?

    If you spilled a little sauce on your shirt, would you go ahead and dump the whole can onto yourself?
  • bebeisfit
    bebeisfit Posts: 951 Member
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    Yes! I love the U-turn analogy. But I too have been one of those - Oh, screw it, I already messed up, might as well skip the gym and order a pizza.

    I read that most nutritionists recommend the 80/20 or 90/10% theory. If we do the "right" things 90% of the time. As in 90% of our daily calories have nutritional value and 10% can be crap (if that's what we want). No one is perfect 100% of the time.
  • MandiCole1
    MandiCole1 Posts: 31 Member
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    I love all the answers! Thanks everyone!
  • treehopper1987
    treehopper1987 Posts: 505 Member
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    Yep... Still learning how to work around this "flaw" of mine
  • marty_smith
    marty_smith Posts: 102 Member
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    Counting calories worked for me aswell, i was able to eat busicits and chocolate bars if i wanted to and the stress of NEVER BEING ALLOWED TO HAVE THEM disappeared. I COULD have them? But i choose not to now really, but if i do i log them and see how much it leaves me for the day. If i have had a bad day then i just have a can of soup for dinner. Really light in calories and fills me up enough to know i have had a dinner.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
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    That frame of mind will basically never allow you to be successful in any endeavor...because it's completely and utterly unrealistic to think you're going to be perfect or 100% bang on everything all of the time. When you make a mistake at work do you just quit? When you have to miss some time because you're ill do you just never go back into work...just throw your hands up in the air like, "well...missed a couple days...can't go back there?" It's just an illogical approach to doing anything.

    Also, maybe take a step back and look at the bigger picture...if I'm on and doing what I need to be doing most of the time, a couple slices of pizza is pretty irrelevant in the bigger picture. You're always going to have holidays to contend with...birthdays to contend with...other special occasions...and god forbid you just want to have a little fun. That mentality will allow for none of that and is completely unrealistic.
  • Fursian
    Fursian Posts: 524 Member
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    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Many people have the "all or nothing" mindset. I think reasoning with yourself and learning to say, "Good enough!" is important. Meaning, why do we have this mindset when it comes to eating but not other things? Sometimes if we eat something we shouldn't then we just write off the whole day. I like the reasoning that if you got a speeding ticket on the way to work in the morning would you then just disregard all traffic laws the rest of the day? Or if you car gets a flat tire would you just slash the other 3? That seems to work for me.

    I've also adopted the phrase "good enough!" and use it regularly.
    RainDrops930 wrote: »
    If you were driving on the highway and you drove past your exit, would you just keep driving? Or would you turn around and get to where you need to go?

    If you spilled a little sauce on your shirt, would you go ahead and dump the whole can onto yourself?

    I like to think in these terms, too. Great ways to look at things.

    and they give me a chuckle when I visualize the scenarios.
  • nebulasprout
    nebulasprout Posts: 15 Member
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    One thing that helped me A LOT in dealing with this mindset was reading the studies on how willpower isn't limitless-- if you use up all your willpower on one thing, you're much more likely to slip up on another thing. So, instead of trying to do all my changes at once (perfect eating perfect exercise make the bed every day etc etc) I'm trying to integrate positive changes more slowly. It's not a perfect solution but...it works for me!

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