Off the Wagon

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ashleyrichey616
ashleyrichey616 Posts: 15 Member
in Motivation and Support
Ugh - I'm so frustrated with myself.

Almost three years ago, I hit my goal weight through a challenge we did at school (I'm a teacher, not a student, just for the record). At the beginning of the challenge in January I weighed in at 147.6 pounds (at 5'6") - a good 15 pounds heavier than I had been when I graduated college and got married 6 years before, and a good 10+ pounds heavier than I THOUGHT I was. Yeah, I was in major denial and didn't even own a scale. Anyway, when the challenge started I joined MFP, got a walking buddy, and got to work. Over time I added Zumba to my routine to really keep the wheels turning. My goal was 125, which meant a 22.6 pound weight loss. At the end of the challenge, six weeks after it started, I hadn't QUITE hit my goal, but I'd lost 20 pounds, and by the time that school year ended I'd reached my goal and then a couple more pounds. In fact, once summer started, I noticed that my weight kept going down even when I wasn't trying. I just wasn't eating anywhere near what I had before and it took a while to balance my 'maintenance' calorie intake. Over the next year and a half, I fluctuated anywhere from 118 (on a VERY low day) to 121. That was my 'normal.' Then I had a lot of personal and work-related stuff going on and and went through a period of very high stress, so that my 'normal' became 120 on a low to to 123, 124. I was still okay with that. After all, my original goal had been 125. Then Christmas of 2014 hit and I ended up back up at 127. The holidays. Got it. Only it took me until August of 2015 to get back in the 120-122 range. I was not only very stressed and not very happy, but I was working in a coffee shop where I was surrounded by 'goodies' all day and my self-control went out the window. I still believe that if I hadn't gotten a dog in May of last year and started running/walking her twice a day (some days one of those was my actual work out, some days they were both in addition to another work out) I wouldn't have gotten back down.

Fast forward to now - from August until about February I maintained anywhere in the 120-122 range. I even made it through Christmas! But then something happened. I don't know what triggered it, exactly, but I know my stress level once again went through the roof. I stopped sleeping well, picked back up a life-long habit/side effect of severe teeth grinding, started having headaches, and started eating compulsively. Seriously, I would know that I wasn't hungry at. All. Yet, I couldn't make myself stop. And I'm a teacher again and someone is ALWAYS bringing something into school - leftovers from their kids' parties, cakes for a co-workers birthday, you name it - and I just can't say no. So now I'm back up to about 126. (And I know that's not some horrible weight, but my clothes don't fit as well and even worse, it's a backslide.) The truly worrisome part, to me, is that although I always had more self-control issues with food than with exercise (I have no problem doing that at least six, if not seven days a week and I just ran my first half marathon), the first time around on my weight loss journey I did it. I just put my mind to it and toughed it out, and while there were temptations, I didn't have a ton of trouble overcoming them. Now, all the will power I had three years ago is just gone and I have no idea why. Even as I write this I KNOW that there is a cake in the office fridge, and to be perfectly honest, the whole reason I got on MFP in the first place was to try to avoid going and eating a piece.

I'm not even sure what I'm looking for with this post. If you have suggestions/advice, go ahead and throw them up (although I've probably heard them before ...), but I don't even know if I'm asking for that. I think maybe I just needed an outlet, and like I said, a good distraction from cake. :-/

Replies

  • CassidyScaglione
    CassidyScaglione Posts: 673 Member
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    Well firstly 22 lbs in six weeks is just plain old unsustainable weight loss, and I'm not surprised you gained back after losing at almost twice a healthy rate.

    Try a sustainable weight lose goal like 0.5-1 lbs a week and then maybe you won't feel like eating a house all the time.
  • ashleyrichey616
    ashleyrichey616 Posts: 15 Member
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    ashleyrichey616 wrote: »
    Ugh - I'm so frustrated with myself.
    My goal was 125, which meant a 22.6 pound weight loss. At the end of the challenge, six weeks after it started, I hadn't QUITE hit my goal, but I'd lost 20 pounds, and by the time that school year ended I'd reached my goal and then a couple more pounds.

    Apparently I can't math today (I always tell people I'm an English teacher for a reason), because our challenge ran from the first week back to school in January to spring break, which was late March, so it was definitely more like 10 weeks, or two and a half months.

    CassidyScaglione wrote: »
    Well firstly 22 lbs in six weeks is just plain old unsustainable weight loss, and I'm not surprised you gained back after losing at almost twice a healthy rate.

    Try a sustainable weight lose goal like 0.5-1 lbs a week and then maybe you won't feel like eating a house all the time.

    First, please see my above correction. Secondly, the post wasn't really about the sustainability of my weight loss. It's been three years now and I'm only actually 1-2 pounds above my goal from that time (and almost exactly where I was at the end of our challenge). That's not 'unsustainable weight loss.' I lost 1.5-2 pounds a week by limiting my calories to 1200/day (with calories added back in for exercise) and working out 5-7 times a week. The post was about my frustration over my (rather sudden) loss of will power over the last six weeks or so. Even at the beginning of this school year, when there were just as many temptations as there are now, I was able to control myself and stick to my 'one cheat day a week' philosophy. For some reason, that's changed recently.

    And to re-emphasize something I tried to make a point of in the initial post, I don't 'feel like eating a house all the time.' A lot of times I don't FEEL like eating anything. That's why I stressed that it was COMPULSIVE. I'm not hungry, and sometimes I can even feel the heartburn and effects of over-fullness coming on, yet I can't stop myself. There's some kind of disconnect between my brain and my body in those moments.
  • rachelrwright
    rachelrwright Posts: 3 Member
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    If you're feeling demotivated I would remind yourself that you are 20 pounds lighter than when you started 3 years ago, that is a great success! Also, the fact that you have managed to maintain a 20 pound weight loss over 3 years is really fantastic. Well done!
  • aubintex
    aubintex Posts: 29 Member
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    I'm impressed that you haven't eaten the cake! Way to go!
  • ashleyrichey616
    ashleyrichey616 Posts: 15 Member
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    rachelrwright wrote: »
    If you're feeling demotivated I would remind yourself that you are 20 pounds lighter than when you started 3 years ago, that is a great success! Also, the fact that you have managed to maintain a 20 pound weight loss over 3 years is really fantastic. Well done!

    Thank you! That's what I try to keep focusing on, it just gets hard sometimes, especially when my pants WILL still button, BUT there's some overhang that wasn't there a couple months ago since all my weight any time I gain goes straight to my tummy - a side effect of both my natural body type/genetics and the fact that I run so much it can't really go anywhere else.
    aubintex wrote: »
    I'm impressed that you haven't eaten the cake! Way to go!

    And thank you, as well! I ALMOST caved just a few minutes ago when I finished my lunch, but I made myself take an extra lap around the building before coming back to my classroom - another part of the problem, my planning period is right after lunch, PRIME snacking time - then once I got back and was still craving a little (though I had talked myself down quite a bit) I ate an apple. Now if I can just make it through the next 20 minutes I'll have students again and there won't be an issue!
  • launchpadmkquak
    launchpadmkquak Posts: 53 Member
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    So much of all this is mental. I'm a teacher too and I think it is a huge advantage for us. Our days are so structured as fare as schedule. We eat lunch, have our preps, even go to the bathroom at exactly the same time everyday. It really helps me stay on a schedule. I eat a snack after second period in the morning, I eat my fruit after seventh. It's really nice. I don't know how people in the "real world" do it(I refer everyone who isn't a teacher as being in the real world).

    The tough thing for me is to get my water in. Remembering to take a drink enough times a day is a real struggle. Another tough thing is to not stop on my way home from work for a cheeseburger. I try to chew gum or eat something that has strong taste, like apples so I want to stop.

    I am fearful for the end of the year because there is so much food around those last couple weeks. A big part of my success so fare is training my friends and the people I work with to not even invite me out to happy hours or to lunch. I was saying NO a lot which was tough on a lot of levels, but now they rarely even ask. One day when people were trying to get a happy hour together I just told them straight out that I was on a diet and wasn't going to be around much socially for a while. They were all really cool with it and supportive.

    The end of year pot lucks and pizza party's and sports/program banquets are really tough to avoid. I really think being a teacher has helped me with my weight loss and I've always seen it as an advantage. Unfortunately the end of the year stuff isn't so much of an advantage.

    I wonder if there's a support group for teachers on here.

    I'm not in the maintenance phase like you but I've come so fare that the thought of having to start over is what has driven me stay on track. If I do get off track for a weekend I get nervous that I'm slipping and hunker down again. You are lucky that you enjoy running so much, and your story is really cool and inspiring. It seems like you are in a bit of a rut. Maybe you need to find a way to change something up to find some new motivation. One nice thing about being a teacher is that we always have a break to look forward to. Maybe you can try to hit a goal for the last day of school.
  • ashleyrichey616
    ashleyrichey616 Posts: 15 Member
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    launchpadmkquak wrote: »
    So much of all this is mental. I'm a teacher too and I think it is a huge advantage for us. Our days are so structured as fare as schedule. We eat lunch, have our preps, even go to the bathroom at exactly the same time everyday. It really helps me stay on a schedule. I eat a snack after second period in the morning, I eat my fruit after seventh. It's really nice. I don't know how people in the "real world" do it(I refer everyone who isn't a teacher as being in the real world).

    It's interesting to me that you feel this way (but good for you! I wish I had your perspective!), because I've often been on the exact opposite end of the spectrum. Yes, there's the set, structured routine of it all, which should be helpful, but for me the problem comes from looking around the table at lunch and seeing cake - or whatever - on every plate but mine. (Because the end of the year is FAR from the only time people bring in food at my school; it's nearly constant. In fact, every other week or every three weeks we have a departmental pot luck breakfast where one or two departments provide "breakfast" for the entire faculty. And I say "breakfast" because I've learned that in this school "breakfast" is code for "morning dessert.") And the 'first time around,' I was strong enough to just deal with that, but for some reason my will power has just taken a hike in the last few months.
    launchpadmkquak wrote: »
    I wonder if there's a support group for teachers on here.

    I think that sounds like an AMAZING idea!
    launchpadmkquak wrote: »
    I'm not in the maintenance phase like you but I've come so fare that the thought of having to start over is what has driven me stay on track. If I do get off track for a weekend I get nervous that I'm slipping and hunker down again. You are lucky that you enjoy running so much, and your story is really cool and inspiring. It seems like you are in a bit of a rut. Maybe you need to find a way to change something up to find some new motivation. One nice thing about being a teacher is that we always have a break to look forward to. Maybe you can try to hit a goal for the last day of school.

    Again ... funny you should say that. I really DON'T enjoy running. My husband is an avid runner and I kind of picked it up over time just because we would go out to trails together and he would run while I walked. It's almost embarrassing to admit (because we should be doing this for ourselves and it's a personal journey and yada yada) but I only really picked it up as a "real" thing because I wanted to show him that I could, since it was something that he was so into. I STILL don't enjoy the actual running, but I do really enjoy participating in races, so that is what kind of pushes me forward - training for the next race. March 20 was my first half-marathon, and it was 40 degrees and and raining a cold, stinging rain, but the feeling I got when I finished was incredible. You're right about a rut, though, and since the race I've only done two real runs. (I run not even two miles every morning before work with my dog, but I don't count those, partially because it's as much for her as for me and partly because I feel like it gives me a little bit of a calorie 'cushion' for when I do slip.) I've picked back up into some of the Zumba classes that I had to drop while training and even started Spin, which I'd always been terrified of before, and Yoga. I'm hoping those changes in routine will be a kick start.

    And hallelujah for breaks - my spring break starts in less than 48 hours! Hubby and I are supposed to go camping (no sneaky cake out there!), but the weather may have different plans.

    Thank you for your awesome words of encouragement!
  • CrabNebula
    CrabNebula Posts: 1,119 Member
    edited March 2016
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    I think 4lbs is not worth freaking out about. Jeeze, that could just be water fluctuation. So far the past two weeks, I have been as high as 129 and low as 125. *shrug* I consider my weight to be 125 because I know I didn't eat 14000 calories above my TDEE the past two weeks.

    Personally, I am losing some vanity poundage myself. I would like to be back down to 123 before I go vacation in May, so I get it, but can't really beat yourself up so much about such small fluctuations.
  • launchpadmkquak
    launchpadmkquak Posts: 53 Member
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    ashleyrichey616 wrote: »
    launchpadmkquak wrote: »
    So much of all this is mental. I'm a teacher too and I think it is a huge advantage for us. Our days are so structured as fare as schedule. We eat lunch, have our preps, even go to the bathroom at exactly the same time everyday. It really helps me stay on a schedule. I eat a snack after second period in the morning, I eat my fruit after seventh. It's really nice. I don't know how people in the "real world" do it(I refer everyone who isn't a teacher as being in the real world).

    It's interesting to me that you feel this way (but good for you! I wish I had your perspective!), because I've often been on the exact opposite end of the spectrum. Yes, there's the set, structured routine of it all, which should be helpful, but for me the problem comes from looking around the table at lunch and seeing cake - or whatever - on every plate but mine. (Because the end of the year is FAR from the only time people bring in food at my school; it's nearly constant. In fact, every other week or every three weeks we have a departmental pot luck breakfast where one or two departments provide "breakfast" for the entire faculty. And I say "breakfast" because I've learned that in this school "breakfast" is code for "morning dessert.") And the 'first time around,' I was strong enough to just deal with that, but for some reason my will power has just taken a hike in the last few months.


    I totally know what you mean. Potlucks just plan suck. If I absolutely have to go to a potluck I'll try and bring something that will make me not want to eat the food and that will occupy me. I'll bring some almonds to snack on or a apple. Chewing gum also helps me because if I have gum in my mouth, that donut is going to taste horrible. I'll also come in late or right on time so I'm not sitting their chit chatting while everyone is eating. All that being said, it's not easy.

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