Killing Myself.

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lovelylayers
lovelylayers Posts: 12 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Hi. Consider me LovelyLayers.
I'm 25 years young, full of life, yet bounded by a body that's 470 pounds of rage.
I'm tired of being bounded; I want to be free.
I'm tired of being caged; my body never lets me go.
I'm constantly reminded from the minute I wake up to the minute I lay my head down to sleep, that I'm killing myself.
Everything is hard. Everything.
Showering, putting on socks, walking 10 feet, breathing, living; it all takes me every ounce of my wellbeing to accomplish.
I'm young and I should feel that way, yet I feel like I'm 116 years old and on my death bed just waiting for that one last breath.
It's almost as if my body and mind are in two different atmospheres but yet they both crave, want, and need the same thing; to melt the humiliation off of my body.
I know I can be so much more than this.
I can be something in life.
I'm tired of wasting it to food.
My binge eating disorder taunts me daily.
My personality of an emotional eater blossoms daily.
My boredom eating and my constant need for food is eroding daily.
My food addiction is there, waiting, staring me down, holding me down, and winning.
They're all winning.
Now it's my turn.

Replies

  • Hjaye7512
    Hjaye7512 Posts: 116 Member
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    Wow ..welcome! You can do this!
  • thymurdock
    thymurdock Posts: 4 Member
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    You got this. One step at a time!
  • MrsLopez1974
    MrsLopez1974 Posts: 9 Member
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    One day at a time
  • perkymommy
    perkymommy Posts: 1,642 Member
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    lovelylayers wrote: »
    Hi. Consider me LovelyLayers.
    I'm 25 years young, full of life, yet bounded by a body that's 470 pounds of rage.
    I'm tired of being bounded; I want to be free.
    I'm tired of being caged; my body never lets me go.
    I'm constantly reminded from the minute I wake up to the minute I lay my head down to sleep, that I'm killing myself.
    Everything is hard. Everything.
    Showering, putting on socks, walking 10 feet, breathing, living; it all takes me every ounce of my wellbeing to accomplish.
    I'm young and I should feel that way, yet I feel like I'm 116 years old and on my death bed just waiting for that one last breath.
    It's almost as if my body and mind are in two different atmospheres but yet they both crave, want, and need the same thing; to melt the humiliation off of my body.
    I know I can be so much more than this.
    I can be something in life.
    I'm tired of wasting it to food.
    My binge eating disorder taunts me daily.
    My personality of an emotional eater blossoms daily.
    My boredom eating and my constant need for food is eroding daily.
    My food addiction is there, waiting, staring me down, holding me down, and winning.
    They're all winning.
    Now it's my turn.

    Welcome to MFP! I have to say that your post was very sweet and emotional. :) I hope you are able to stick around and get started with this site. It's a great site. And feel free to add me as a friend if you need support. And binge eating disorder (BED) is very real but you can overcome it. Just take it one day at a time (hugs)! You can get your life back.
  • ptsmiles
    ptsmiles Posts: 511 Member
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    Welcome! You can do this. Baby steps.
  • RunawayCurves
    RunawayCurves Posts: 688 Member
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    You can do it, there are others on mfp with that much to lose. Just take it day by day. :)
  • Qskim
    Qskim Posts: 1,145 Member
    edited April 2016
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    NM

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