That Guilty Feeling? Friends V's Food.. What do I do?

sugarlammie
sugarlammie Posts: 5 Member
edited April 2016 in Motivation and Support
Saturday April 2 2015

I've been dieting for 6 weeks now and making small changes each week. It's been hard to make those conscious decisions since my diet at the start of this was junk and I LOVE food, it brings me such happiness/excitement so the mental aspect of making those decisions, for example, choosing one over another as opposed to having both, moving from giving myself just one cheat meal/snack for the day to just one cheat meal for the week. The food aspect has been the toughest part given I've had an unhealthy lifestyle for 7 years at the least. The worst part is I haven't told anyone but the beginning scale results have kept me motivated.

Today I woke up after a full week of working out everyday and really being conscious of my diet and being REALLY good.. I mean really good.. I had gone to my normal Saturday 30min TRX class and I felt stronger and fitter and decided to push myself and went to my favorite Body Combat class right after which I am usually too tired to do.. I felt like I knew I had made progress.. I was able to make it through both classes (it hurt but it was a good hurt) without a care in the world even if the scale didn't prove it..

Then it all went to hell. My bestfriend invited me to the Final Four game. It had been the first time I've gone out with her in weeks (since I've started this regime and I've not told anyone because I'm ashamed of the weight I am). We used to share everything food wise and this has been such a huge foundation of our friendship and I wasn't going to change it now.. She has that fast metabolism that I just can't keep up with.

At the game it was.. Nachos with the works (chilli, cheese, sour cream).. loaded baked potato with the works (pulled meat, sour cream, cheese, onions) and chocolate sundae ice cream (again with all toppings, whipped cream, fudge sauce and waffle basket), pretzel and pizza.. In typical fashion I ate most of it..

Then we went to our usually bar where it was Cocktails.. It's been 3 weeks since I've had a drink..

Then after we went to dinner and had food and a bottle of wine and an ENTIRE chocolate
Molten cake to myself since she doesn't like dessert and that's my ultimate weakness.. I know I shouldn't have eaten it but the buzz I had got the better of any rational thinking..

I got home after midnight and felt TERRIBLE.. I couldn't purge even even if I wanted to (not that I ever had but it was the first time I'd really felt so horrible on the inside - physically and mentally). I regret my eating decisions massively because I know how hard it is to work it off. Should I skip a few meals and work out double hard today since I absolutely gorged yday?

I am considering to be a hermit for a while because I don't want this to happen ever.. I'm not mentally ready to face these temptations at this stage and not at a point where I'm anywhere close to my goal weight (hitting a weightloss plateau since I haven't gained not lost weight in 3 weeks which is also been a huge frustration for me right now making me think I need to do something drastic)..

I'm feeling as guilty as ever and such a failure.. What should I do?

Replies

  • keke_fisher
    keke_fisher Posts: 3 Member
    Yesterday I was in the same situation I babe been doing so good for 3 weeks an than I go out of town with a friend an ate the worse foods ever plus ALCHOL I felt so bad once I got home I felt like crying I couldn't believe I gave in so easy but it was hard not to with it all in my face but I logged it in an consider it a cheat day an now today is a new day an I will move forward !! Do not skip your meals just go back to clean eating
  • goingape
    goingape Posts: 429 Member
    Had the same issue this weekend. ..girls weekend vs. my best intentions. Sadly I lost. Log it and move on. Know that this is a lifestyle and these types of events will continue to happen...maybe take her into your confidence and let her know how u are trying to change your life? Or if you are ready yet, change what you order...say you feel like...a salad or whatever. Good luck...u aren't along with this struggle.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,262 Member
    when you meet your friend again, just dont eat so much if it doesnt fit into your weekly goal.
    plan for it and stop feeling guilty.
  • TennesseeJen
    TennesseeJen Posts: 22 Member
    I've been in this situation so many times! Here is what worked for me:
    1. Plan/bring your own snacks.
    2. Only eat your own snacks lol
    3. Decide on a restaurant before you go and check out their calorie chart/menu online
    4. Enter your meal into MFP and only eat what you've entered.

    Also, you mentioned that you don't feel mentally ready, and I went through that same exact phase. The advice I have listed above works for me NOW, but I'm not sure I would have been able to do it then. Mentally, a loaded platter of cheese fries had to become less important than my health. My health had to become more important than any delicious, mouthwatering treat. I've been at this for about...3 months now, and I swear- it's ALL mental. At least it has been for me.

    Keep going. Good luck. Tomorrow's a new day!
  • toe1226
    toe1226 Posts: 249 Member
    So with my girls I have no problem being like "yeah no, I'm intentional about what I put in my body and I'm gonna hang out with you but I aint doin that!" - but with boys I find it a lot harder! I want to eat and drink all the things my boyfriend does even though he has 30 lbs of muscle on me....all I can say is, keep doing what you're doing- if you have one bad day in a series of a great 6 weeks then ENJOY IT! You were hangin with your girls. At the end of it all, it would suck to be like "oh I was really hot, but no one saw it because I was a hermit"- at the end of the day all we have is the people we love.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    one day of indulgence isn't failing...get over it and move on. stop feeling guilty...it's a waste of friggin' time.

    guess what? there's are always going to be holidays and special occasions and whatnot...you're not ever going to be 100% on all of the time and that's fine...your health and fitness aren't predicated on these occasions...your health and fitness are predicated on what you're doing most of the time.

    stop feeling guilty and get over it...it's just not a big deal in the grand scheme of thing. lose the all or nothing mentality or you're going to be in for a bumpy friggin' ride...it's not a realistic expectation to think you're going to be "on" all of the time.
  • Chargunshow
    Chargunshow Posts: 60 Member
    Remember how you felt physically after all that indulgence. And use that as motivation to make better choices.

    As far as the guilt...chalk it up as lesson learned and get back up and keep making the choices that make you feel better.
  • DearestWinter
    DearestWinter Posts: 595 Member
    In situations like this I find planning exactly what I'm going to order helps tremendously once I'm in the moment. Plan to eat to maintenance and pick your absolute favorite food items and drinks. Then figure out if you're going to order them with substitutions or commit to only eating a small portion. Plan on ordering the chocolate cake but only eat a quarter and box the rest. (If you can't box the rest then cover it with your napkin. It may seem like a waste but when you eat out then you're paying not just for the food but for the privilege of eating only what you want.) If you're sharing nachos then plan on eating 8 chips and skipping sour cream. Order gin and tonic instead of a cocktail with a high calorie mixer. Etc.

    If I plan my food so I know I'll still have my indulgences (just less) then I'm more likely to exercise control. As for what to say to friends, I opt to not explain myself. I just say "I'm not interested in having that tonight. I'm pretty stuffed from dinner. No, I don't want to order more drinks!" Just say no. If it's a good friend and you want to talk about weight loss then go ahead and share, but I never explain myself and they always get over it.

    Getting tipsy makes me forget my food commitments so my most important rule is to not have more than two drinks. That's just me.

    Finally, whatever happens just log your food and move on.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    This is your best friend. I think you should admit her into what is going on with you. You don't have to tell her your exact weight but let her know that you need to take steps to improve your health and that means lowering your calorie intake which changes some of the foods you will share with her.
    Get just one calorie bomb style treat when you go out. Be picky. Plan in advance what you will indulge in and get just that. Eat lighter the rest of the day when you know you are going out with your friend. You could plan to eat at maintenance level that day. Look at your weekly calorie goal and maybe be a bit under a few days before or after. I personally would drink water, tea or a low calorie drink instead of alcohol because I don't think drinking my calories is worth it.
    Eat before you go out and then don't eat during things like games or movies. Chew gum or suck on a mint.
    Ask her to do non-food or bar related things together more often. Do something where your body is moving or you are busy. Go dancing, hiking, riding bikes, craft class, exercise class... whatever.
  • chaney3000
    chaney3000 Posts: 267 Member
    edited April 2016
    The guilt feeling is normal. Now you're at a turning point. You can say it was a cheat day but we both know it was more than what you expect it to be.

    Since your feeling bad is a good sign that you are starting to change your thought process of eating.

    No need to slump or sulk about it. Now is the time to move forwad. Learn from what you did wrong and build yourself stronger because of it.

    Next time eat before you go to the game. That way you will not be as hungry there. Also, don't eat all of the goodies.

    When you go to diner, enjoy something lighter and lower in cals. Maybe one cocktail and part of a desert. And stay away from molten chocolate cake as you will be unable to resist finishing it.

    All I'm saying is build from this moment and you will be better for it.
  • fenharels
    fenharels Posts: 12 Member
    Food is important in my circle of friends. We meet up for lunch or dinner, we pick up takeout and hang out while we eat, we watch movies and snack—these kind of things. Most of my friends are thin, they can easily eat like a horse and maintain their slight figure. I cannot. So I learn to say no.

    For example, I was hanging out with one of my best friends today. After hanging out for a while she wanted to get ice cream. I told her we could go get some, but I won't have any. It's as simple as that.

    Plus, you can allow yourself to indulge a little from time to time. Just budget these calories and try not lose control over what you're eating entirely.

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