Empty nest and depression

tlcs68
tlcs68 Posts: 28 Member
in Motivation and Support
My youngest left the nest in August and I sunk into a depression. I didn't want to do anything, ate everything in sight and gained some weight. Fast forward to Feb. I saw my Dr and he asked if I needed to be put on meds. I've had bad luck with them in the past (I've also had success with them and know that anti depression meds do work. I just didn't want to go on them this time around) and I think hearing him ask if it was time for meds was all I needed to snap out of it and try and take care of myself. That, and seeing how successfull my daughter was in her new career. She was happy and doing well and now it's time for me to be happy again.
I'm a lifetime member of WW and this time around it didn't seem to be working. I did some research and found MFP. So far so good! Following this app has really helped me feel better about myself! I love being able to see my progress and all the encouragement on this site! (New friends are always welcome!) I'm already down a few pounds and haven't felt this good in a long time!
Any other empty nesters out there that needs encouragement? Always ready and willing to give support!

Replies

  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    Welcome to MFP. Not quite yet an empty nest but my oldest is graduating college this year and I don't see her coming back home after. My other 2 are away at school but come home every chance they get. The house is very quiet during the week but the cat and dog keep me on my toes. :)
  • Rocknut53
    Rocknut53 Posts: 1,794 Member
    Welcome. My nest has been quite empty for many years now. The first one was the worst, the last I didn't think she'd ever get out on her own. I struggle with depression and so far exercising my a** off and eating at a deficit for 3 months has produced some positive results both mentally and physically for me. I'm sure I could not have done without being on here and following some of the knowledgeable and successful people.
  • GYATagain
    GYATagain Posts: 141 Member
    Welcome -- I have been on and off MFP for the last 3 years. I'm a slow learner apparently. I lost 70+ in 2013 - gained some back in 2014, lost it again in 2015 and then gained about 10 back over holidays --- oh my! Here we are! I tend to fall into that trap after all the kids have come home and then leave again for their homes...... They all live several States away from home. Life has taken them down those particular roads and they are all doing awesome!

    I understand completely the empty nest depression. We have been empty for many many years now and have worked through that and on to having grandchildren and all the joys that come with that. When our last of 3 left to be a Marine - scared us silly! Now, 13 years later, we could not be more proud of him. You are correct - going on meds may mask the feelings, but they are still present. Please don't get me wrong, I believe meds are very needed by some folks - just not me, for this. After sinking headlong into morbid obesity, depression, self-destruction, I "woke up" late 2012. Started kicking it and have learned tough lessons along the way. Am I perfect in my journey - nope! Am I still learning? Yes. I now say, when I stop have learning days is when I am 6-feet under. It is a life long journey to health and mental well being.

    Above all, be patient with yourself. If one day you eat the whole bloomin bag of Tostitos - log it and get on with your life. (See, I'm Still learning) Tomorrow is another day. For the most part 95% of time, I eat super duper healthy and I walk/run 6 days a week. I feel Fantabulous!!! Quit most of my meds, BP is normal range now. From not being able to walk down the hall, I'm "jogging" 5Ks, 10ks, even a couple 1/2 marathons..... WooHoo!!! You Can Do This!!! Get on it, girl!
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    Yup, empty-nester here. I remarried and got a man my children don't approve of. Huh. Well, he makes sure I don't sit under a bridge and wither away to a troll, so I say it is all good. We get out and do things. I also have a broad range of hobbies. I think society does a poor job of portraying these middle ages, when frankly we've still got our mobility, have a lot to offer, and loads of time on our hands.

    I also paint, and I run.

    I chatted with my dad about this and he thinks Blue Bloods does a decent job of portraying multi-generational interactions. That may be a pleasant exception. But now that I think about it, we don't see mature empty-nest WOMEN portrayed on that show, now do we?
  • ronjsteele1
    ronjsteele1 Posts: 1,064 Member
    We are just beginning to venture into kids leaving home mode. My oldest graduates in a month and I have another right on her heels to graduate. The third still has a few yeas. The thought of them leaving home is hard but I'm looking to go back to school myself so I think it provides me some "comfort" that I will be busy. Otherwise, when I think about it, I cry. No depression, I just know that I will miss the heck out of them! I homeschool and for me, I keep thinking that having more time to actually take care of myself would be helpful. It's hard right now with teaching to find time to fit in exercise everyday (I'm happy to get 3 days a week!), etc. So for me, I think I'll miss teaching them more then actually having them at home. If that makes sense. But I'm getting closer so I'll let you know if I flip out! LOL
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    I am praying for the day I can be an empty nester! It's time to PARTAAAYYYYY!!!!! :D

    Glad you're having good success!
  • yayamom3
    yayamom3 Posts: 939 Member
    dbanks80 wrote: »
    I am praying for the day I can be an empty nester! It's time to PARTAAAYYYYY!!!!! :D

    Glad you're having good success!

    Me too! I love my children dearly, but I have a long list of things I want to do and try that I haven't had time for in the last 20 years!
  • suruda
    suruda Posts: 1,233 Member
    I'm an empty nester (sort of) and love it. I say sort of bc my oldest graduated from college and is living at home again to save some money. I love him, but I love the empty nest! Things that are awesome...granted I have an awesome husband who supports all of the below!

    Go to the gym anytime...what used to be dinner time can now be "you time"
    Make whatever you want for dinner...no more ensuring the kids have things they like
    Don't worry about being home in the evenings.
    Try a new class at the gym...get connected to others like you. I find the evening classes are filled with others my age which makes a great peer group
    Re-connect with old friends with happy hour dates!

    enjoy this time in your life! Soon it will be all about grandchildren!
  • treehopper1987
    treehopper1987 Posts: 505 Member
    I don't know anything about empty nests (mine is 2 years old), but I definitely battle depression. Feel free to add me if you want the encouragement. Also, have you looked into a hobby or volunteering with something you love? It may help you focus less on your children and what you can do to help other. Good Luck on your journey, and it will get easier with time.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    suruda wrote: »
    I'm an empty nester (sort of) and love it. I say sort of bc my oldest graduated from college and is living at home again to save some money. I love him, but I love the empty nest! Things that are awesome...granted I have an awesome husband who supports all of the below!

    Go to the gym anytime...what used to be dinner time can now be "you time"
    Make whatever you want for dinner...no more ensuring the kids have things they like
    Don't worry about being home in the evenings.
    Try a new class at the gym...get connected to others like you. I find the evening classes are filled with others my age which makes a great peer group
    Re-connect with old friends with happy hour dates!

    enjoy this time in your life! Soon it will be all about grandchildren!

    Agreed! I love my kids too, but I'm SO glad to have my life back with NO schedule (other than work). The freedom is great. But, it's a tough transition for some people so welcome OP and hope you get to a happy place yourself.
  • tlcs68
    tlcs68 Posts: 28 Member
    Thank you all so much! Thanks for sharing your stories, inspiration and wisdom! I used to have a motto when they were little.. "birth them, raise them, and get them out!" lol! Now that my girls are older and have turned into wonderful young women, who have become really good friends, It's just hard not seeing them all the time.
    I do believe it's time for me to get involved with things outside of home and work. I'm in the Ladies Auxiliary at our local fire dept., but that doesn't take up much time. Spring and summer are hopefully around the corner (although all the snow we got Mon, would suggest otherwise!) and I'm itching to get outside and work in the yard. My husband and I have a fantastic relationship and we've taken some spontaneous day trips lately, so spending some quality time together has been great!
    My oldest came home for Easter weekend, and by the time Monday rolled around, I was ready to have my house back, lol. I guess that means I'm doing better!! :)
    I'm going to see my oldest daughter this weekend to spend some quality time together in NYC and my husband and I have a trip planned to see our youngest daughter in June. She's in the military and settled at her base. By the time we go down to see her, it'll be 6 months since I last saw her. So hard.. but phone calls and Skype are fantastic!!
    suruda wrote: »
    I'm an empty nester (sort of) and love it. I say sort of bc my oldest graduated from college and is living at home again to save some money. I love him, but I love the empty nest! Things that are awesome...granted I have an awesome husband who supports all of the below!

    Go to the gym anytime...what used to be dinner time can now be "you time"
    Make whatever you want for dinner...no more ensuring the kids have things they like
    Don't worry about being home in the evenings.
    Try a new class at the gym...get connected to others like you. I find the evening classes are filled with others my age which makes a great peer group
    Re-connect with old friends with happy hour dates!

    enjoy this time in your life! Soon it will be all about grandchildren!
    I love that you made a list! I agree with all of it! I think I'll start my own!! :)

    Thanks again everyone! Reading your stories and thought have really helped!

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