Today I resisted my first binge!

This is my first time posting! I'm a 23 year old personal trainer and recovering bulimic. I am quite pround of myself this evening and wanted to write about it somewhere. I've struggled with binging and restricting since my fitness journey began 4 years ago, I went a full year of dieting without binging and then the moster popped up. I was never overweight, I was just out of shape. My husband has deployed 2 times in the last 1.5 years, and I also have pure obsessional OCD and am sure that my increased binges have something to do with the mix of those things. Luckily I was only fluctuating about 5lbs from month to month from the eating. Some weeks I would do it 5x,some weeks none. My binges range from anywhere between 5k-8k calories until I am so sick I can't move. Anyways, though it wasn't affecting my aesthetically, I have been mentally drained from it for the last while especially being a trainer. Today was a day that screamed binge. A lazy day, no work and no clients. Did my work out this morning and layed down to lounge. I don't count calories anymore due to the fact that I have obsessive tendencies, and I just started eating when I'm hungry and healthy, but no foods are off limits if a craving hits. Anywhom, I went into the kitchen and began eating peanut butter which is a huge trigger food....I had a few spoonfulls and then made protein pudding and an apple and used more peanut butter...came in my room, ate it and started getting into the mentality that I had already messed my day up...got in the car to go to the grocery store to get my binge foods because I knew I was already over my maintnence for the day. As I was driving through the parking lot I kept going. I said to myself "what are you doing Amy, your are in complete control, you don't need to do this." Came straight home, made a big healthy dinner and ate it....and now I'm laying here full of nutritious food, very full...but I am not guilty...I am not sad...even though I know I went way over in calories today everything was healthy and I regret nothing...all because of 1 little thought I had to myself in the parking lot of a store...anyways! Sorry for the long post, just very excited and feel as if that was a huge step forward and that it may help some who suffer from BED or bulimia!