Should I stay or should I go.....

anewattitude
anewattitude Posts: 483 Member
edited September 29 in Chit-Chat
Hey,

I am engaged and just ordered my wedding dress today. My fiance and I have different opinions as to the type of wedding we should have and the location. If we get married in my hometown alot of my family and friends can attend whereas my fiance's family is so spread out they would need to hop on a plane regardless of where we marry. He is a diver and is really pushing for a destination wedding, perhaps somewhere south like Mexico or the Dominican. It is a first time marriage for both of us and since we just recently bought a house our finaces don't really permit a lavish expensive wedding. I have friends who swear by the destination weddings, saying they are much cheaper and the resorts do most of the planning however these friends are still single and haven't actually done it themselves.

Has anyone on here been married at a resort? Which one and did you love it? I am trying to weigh the pros and cons. Since my dress is going to take about 8 months to get in I am looking at end of Feb or beginning of March.

Any advice on this is greatly appreciated!

Replies

  • RTricia
    RTricia Posts: 720
    I like stress free weddings. Allows people to relax and have fun. I dont' particularly enjoy the suit and tie, formal weddings that people can't dance in their attire.
  • Starkle09
    Starkle09 Posts: 238 Member
    i had a destination wedding in hawaii...i planned the entire thing online. I even found my photographer on craigslist. it was really inexpensive and tons of fun. there was no stress of planning and making sure everything is perfect. in fact we went parasailing in the morning and got married in the afternoon. good luck with whatever u decide.
  • liquidjem
    liquidjem Posts: 138 Member
    Friend...if you really want to know deep down what I think...(I have been planning my wedding for over a year now and it has been driving me nuts..) If you both love each other and peace of mind...ELOPE!!!

    My fiance and I too struggled about the distance his family would travel if I got married in my home state...I INSISTED that my 93 year old grandmother HAD to be at my wedding or else, no dice, so he gave in and we are having it where my family lives.(my gran is far too elderly to travel) If you want to not drive yourself nuts....Run away to a city hall in a really tropical place and celebrate with both families when you get back!

    Good luck I hope it all works out for you!! Congrats!
  • Pamela3
    Pamela3 Posts: 96 Member
    As awesome as a destination wedding sounds, I wasn't so convinced after doing research and attending a few. Are they fun? Sure, it's like a vacation, but not everyone you may want to be there will be able to attend.

    Honestly, My husband and I ended up haing our wedding in our home state (when we lived out of state) and it was everything and more either of us could have asked for. It was beautiful, serene, and the best part - EVERYONE we loved and wanted to spend that day with us was there. We decided on a Jamaican Honeymoon to satisfy our needs to have a paradise effect. While on that honeymoon, we spent some time at a different resort where there was a destination wedding. I actually ran into the bride who was a little dissapointed in the event and said she would have rather spent the money on a more lavish wedding at home.

    Everyone is entitle the their own opinion and peoples wants are different, but since you asked - my opinion is have something nice and meaningful at home and spend a little extra cash on your honeymoon :) Good luck and I hope you get everything you ever wanted.
  • MayMaydoesntrun
    MayMaydoesntrun Posts: 805 Member
    I got married in Ocho Rios Jamaica, mon. And in March. My husband planned the whole thing. All I had to do was show up and I swear I love him more for it and it's been 12 years. Destination weddings are. the. way. to. go. Hope this helps!
    Oh, he wore shorts, and I was in a t shirt dress...very low key...I mean very!
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    I got married on Valentines day by a judge,then spent the rest of the day moving into our new place...lol very very stress free.But then again most of my family is dead or estranged so the only people there was my mom and son.I wouldnt have had anyone to come anyways. From the point of view of a guest a destination wedding sounds awesome if you can afford to go to wherever its being held,but like someone else said some people you want there might not be able to make it.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    I had a big traditional wedding. Although it was fun (we had a blast actually), it was really stressful, expensive, and I'm sure at least 10 of my grey hairs sprung up the week before. If I had it to do over again, we could've had just as much fun had we done something less formal and less pricey.

    My advice is to make a budget and do not let yourself go over. Be willing to compromise and just don't sweat the small things. A wedding should be a joyful occasion, a time to celebrate. Don't get so wrapped up in details that you forget to enjoy your wedding.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,422 Member
    My opinion =

    YOU will be doing all the work on planning a wedding. If you and your fiance can't decide on the location, I would say take that as a preview of things to come, i.e. that he will want a say in most of the decisions. As it should be. This is his wedding too.

    I'm a diver. I would love to have a wedding in a location where my friends could dive, but I would be marrying another diver! It is a sport that is very addictive. Just so you know, this will be your life / vacations forevermore.

    That said, he can have a honeymoon in a dive location where all his dive buddies won't be there to distract him from YOUR honeymoon. A honeymoon should be about you two. He could do a few dives. Not him and his buddies diving all day for a week. There will be plenty of time for that later.

    I'd elope if it was me. No question about it. No one is inconvenienced. No planning. No stress. Then have a reception in your home town and another party at a dive location.

    Win / Win.

    ________________________________________
    I can't freaking spell *gaah*
  • thumper44
    thumper44 Posts: 1,464 Member
    I got married last year in Florida. We had some friends and family drive down and we got married at the beach.
    Remember one thing. The wedding is for the bride and groom....... It's not for HER family, or for HIS family.
    It's a special event for you two, and do what you two would like.

    We were on our honey moon in jamaica and saw some couples getting married.
    You can always have a party back home for the people who could not attend the wedding.
  • doodlebug1966
    doodlebug1966 Posts: 17
    ELOPE!! Then have something when you visit each family at vacation. That is what my husband and I did. 27 years and counting.
  • Heather75
    Heather75 Posts: 3,386 Member
    I have always said that if I got married again, I would elope.
  • LonelyPilgrim
    LonelyPilgrim Posts: 255 Member
    I had a private destination wedding...meaning, it didnt' seem like we "eloped" because everyone knew about it for a year ahead of time..but we didnt' invite any guests either.

    it was perfect (For us).

    my profile pic is from shortly after our ceremony.

    we got married at Couples Sans Souci and they took care of everything (not that we required a lot) . it was simple and we got to spend 8 nights in Jamaica and get married for under 5K.

    can't be beat, in my opinion. but if you're the kind of person who wants to be surrounded by friends and family, then maybe a local wedding is much better. I don't think it's very kind to have a destination wedding where you expect a lot of people to attend, not everyone has the vacation time off of work or the finances to go to a wedding like that .

    I don't regret it for a minute. We posted pics on facebook the evening of our wedding, and had a low-key pool/potluck party back home when we returned.
  • garysgirl719
    garysgirl719 Posts: 235 Member
    I think destination weddings are fun and beautiful, but for us, it would have been wrong. While the wedding wasn't ABOUT my family, for me, having my family with me as I took this step was important.
  • goron59
    goron59 Posts: 890 Member
    We had our wedding in the small town where my grandmother lived as she was too ill to travel.

    Everyone else got on a plane.

    Worked out well, wasn't too expensive and had none of the stress or uncertainty of travelling to a far off destination.
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    It breaks my heart to read these posts that say to elope. I did years ago and when my mom and dad found out they were both very hurt. The marriage didn't last but I'll aways regret not letting them be a part of my wedding.
  • anewattitude
    anewattitude Posts: 483 Member
    Thanks everyone for the great responses! I know I have my work cut out for me but its great to hear what other people did :)
  • TS65
    TS65 Posts: 1,024 Member
    We did a Vegas Wedding - and while it's not a destination wedding, the thought is the same. Those who loved us enough to trek there, did so. Those who couldn't (or didn't want to) didn't feel obligated. It was completely stress free, cheaper than a regular wedding, and the goal was accomplished (we are married and we had fun doing it!) Invite those closest to you and don't worry about everyone else - they're just there for a free meal anyway. :devil:
  • SweetPandora
    SweetPandora Posts: 660 Member
    In my mothers words "live your life so you never ask yourself "what if".

    Only you know what is right for the two of you.

    Karen
  • goron59
    goron59 Posts: 890 Member
    Just a thought, but "it is a first time marriage for both of us" almost sounds like you're planning your second!

    Seriously though, your wedding day is not the happiest day of your life, otherwise, it will all be down hill from then on!

    Do what's right for all concerned, but with an emphasis on what's right for both of you. Don't spend too much money and remember that in most cultures, weddings are for mothers and it rarely has anything to do with the bride and the groom.

    I was very happy with my wedding, but if I did it again, I'd elope and have the party (or parties) when I got back. You mothers will still love you (there'd be something wrong if they didn't).
  • anewattitude
    anewattitude Posts: 483 Member
    Just a thought, but "it is a first time marriage for both of us" almost sounds like you're planning your second!

    Seriously though, your wedding day is not the happiest day of your life, otherwise, it will all be down hill from then on!

    Do what's right for all concerned, but with an emphasis on what's right for both of you. Don't spend too much money and remember that in most cultures, weddings are for mothers and it rarely has anything to do with the bride and the groom.

    I was very happy with my wedding, but if I did it again, I'd elope and have the party (or parties) when I got back. You mothers will still love you (there'd be something wrong if they didn't).



    ha ha.. nope. not planning a second one. I can't even decide on this one ( the where and when)! Seriously though, I appreciate all the comments and suggestions and I agree, its not about the wedding, its the marriage that really counts. Having said that though, I still want it to be a special day, without breaking the bank. I guess my fiance and I need to review our budget again and go from there.
  • pandaeye
    pandaeye Posts: 126
    A friend of mine married abroad and he said it was the best thing he ever did. Felt the day was about them not their family. My sister is thinking of doing the same as she doesn't like the attention that goes with it all, quite shy, but we are going to have a small family get together beforehand as she doesn't want her family to feel left out. We dont have many relatives left so easy to do but if you have a big family this maybe more difficult, you could have a family BBQ/dinner before you go so family get to wish you well. :happy:
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