People pretend they don't know you?
Hi.
I am a university student (not High School, but one would wonder!) and attending a seminar class that only lasts a few days. A student I met at another seminar class, who I had to work with, is pretending she doesn't know me.
Yesterday I was walking with another guy and interrupted the conversation to say hi to her and she just ignored me (she was with other people). This morning, we crossed paths in the bathroom and she did say hello, but we were the only ones there.
Last week, I saw two students I have another class with, who I see every week, and we have talked (during class) a few times. I actually said hi twice, thinking they hadn't heard me, but they just looked at me like I was strange and didn't answer. Again I was with someone else who must have thought the situation very strange.
Both times I was just left there feeling stupid and wondering if I am creepy?
By the way I am a woman (so they probably don't think I am hitting on them) and only seem to have this problem with other women.
I am a university student (not High School, but one would wonder!) and attending a seminar class that only lasts a few days. A student I met at another seminar class, who I had to work with, is pretending she doesn't know me.
Yesterday I was walking with another guy and interrupted the conversation to say hi to her and she just ignored me (she was with other people). This morning, we crossed paths in the bathroom and she did say hello, but we were the only ones there.
Last week, I saw two students I have another class with, who I see every week, and we have talked (during class) a few times. I actually said hi twice, thinking they hadn't heard me, but they just looked at me like I was strange and didn't answer. Again I was with someone else who must have thought the situation very strange.
Both times I was just left there feeling stupid and wondering if I am creepy?
By the way I am a woman (so they probably don't think I am hitting on them) and only seem to have this problem with other women.
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Replies
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So the question is, did this ever happen to you? And why do you think this happens?
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Hi.
I am a university student (not High School, but one would wonder!) and attending a seminar class that only lasts a few days. A student I met at another seminar class, who I had to work with, is pretending she doesn't know me.
Yesterday I was walking with another guy and interrupted the conversation to say hi to her and she just ignored me (she was with other people). This morning, we crossed paths in the bathroom and she did say hello, but we were the only ones there.
Last week, I saw two students I have another class with, who I see every week, and we have talked (during class) a few times. I actually said hi twice, thinking they hadn't heard me, but they just looked at me like I was strange and didn't answer. Again I was with someone else who must have thought the situation very strange.
Both times I was just left there feeling stupid and wondering if I am creepy?
By the way I am a woman (so they probably don't think I am hitting on them) and only seem to have this problem with other women.
Yes, this post does make me wonder.0 -
_incogNEATo_ wrote: »Hi.
I am a university student (not High School, but one would wonder!) and attending a seminar class that only lasts a few days. A student I met at another seminar class, who I had to work with, is pretending she doesn't know me.
Yesterday I was walking with another guy and interrupted the conversation to say hi to her and she just ignored me (she was with other people). This morning, we crossed paths in the bathroom and she did say hello, but we were the only ones there.
Last week, I saw two students I have another class with, who I see every week, and we have talked (during class) a few times. I actually said hi twice, thinking they hadn't heard me, but they just looked at me like I was strange and didn't answer. Again I was with someone else who must have thought the situation very strange.
Both times I was just left there feeling stupid and wondering if I am creepy?
By the way I am a woman (so they probably don't think I am hitting on them) and only seem to have this problem with other women.
Yes, this post does make me wonder.
Seconded0 -
I grew up being taught to smile at people and be friendly when they talk to you. This does not seem to be the case anymore with the general population. People in this thread even think you are creepy for wanting to say hello. Our receptionist at work is like that. Walk in the office and she won't even look up to acknowledge you. Unless you are one of her special peeps!
It could be shyness. It could be that she didn't hear you or didn't notice you. Maybe she's all wrapped up in her own issues. Maybe she just doesn't like you. Move on. It's not worth being troubled over it.0 -
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Here's my question, did you really talk to all of these people before or did you just imagine it hoping it was true? Did you have a lot of imaginary friends growing up?
I'm not sure why you felt the need to be such a jerk. Here's a woman feeling socially awkward and wanting some encouragement or feedback of maybe just an explanation and you come in to do what, exactly? Does it feel good? Because you're not being clever or funny or helpful...so wtf are you trying to accomplish?
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OP - don't sweat it. Just keep being friendly, and if people want to awkwardly avoid your absolutely normal attempts to be courteous, let them. Don't try to engage people in conversation if they've blown you off before, but keep saying hi and being yourself. You're fine.
Hope you're adjusting to college life well, and making some good friends. If you're feeling lonely, try joining a book club or some other group where you can meet people that share some common interests.0 -
HardcoreP0rk wrote: »Here's my question, did you really talk to all of these people before or did you just imagine it hoping it was true? Did you have a lot of imaginary friends growing up?
I'm not sure why you felt the need to be such a jerk. Here's a woman feeling socially awkward and wanting some encouragement or feedback of maybe just an explanation and you come in to do what, exactly? Does it feel good? Because you're not being clever or funny or helpful...so wtf are you trying to accomplish?
Probably had the issue himself, no-one likes being ignored by their imaginary friend I'd imagine Break_You is no different
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i don't know the answer to your question, but I will say that i work at the same place as 2 people I knew in high school and I haven't talked to them. I guess I pretend I don't know them. But they pretend they don't know me too. Because they know, and I know that beyond the initial "hey what have you been doing for 25 years?" that it would pretty much end there. it's easier to not say anything.
the end.0 -
Needs more context because whilst these people may just be complete morons, there is probably something that's been said or done to trigger this all off. Without any more information it literally just sounds like some people deciding randomly not to acknowledge you when with others. And I just can't imagine people suddenly doing that without even some sort of absurd reason that justifies it to themselves. But regardless, if that is how they react to you (or don't) you're going to be better off doing likewise and finding new people to say hello to.0
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I have had a person I knew in one group setting for an extended period as very friendly and talkative to me. I would have said we were friends since it was beyond small talk. We met in another setting with different people and they acted as though we were not known to each other. They didn't totally ignore my existance but were very distant when we were around others. They would act friendly again in private or in the first group like nothing was different between us so it didn't seem like I offended them or they didn't really like me. The only thing I could think of was that they were trying to project authority or a different image in the new group that didn't match with being friendly to me- or they didn't want others to know about the other group and how we knew each other before... like the other group was a secret for them. It was weird and disappointing behavior. I took it as a sign that we were not really friends.0
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Sometimes its hard to tell if someone is simply ignoring you or as so distracted that they are unaware of even where they are.0
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In all honsesty I was being funny in a plot twist type of way. Seriously, situations like these are probably huge factors in why there are so many on campus shootings.HardcoreP0rk wrote: »Here's my question, did you really talk to all of these people before or did you just imagine it hoping it was true? Did you have a lot of imaginary friends growing up?
I'm not sure why you felt the need to be such a jerk. Here's a woman feeling socially awkward and wanting some encouragement or feedback of maybe just an explanation and you come in to do what, exactly? Does it feel good? Because you're not being clever or funny or helpful...so wtf are you trying to accomplish?
Wow you have a knack for the inappropriate. Your first comment actually made me laugh but likening my situation to that of a mass shooter, that's pushing it too far.0 -
I have had a person I knew in one group setting for an extended period as very friendly and talkative to me. I would have said we were friends since it was beyond small talk. We met in another setting with different people and they acted as though we were not known to each other. They didn't totally ignore my existance but were very distant when we were around others. They would act friendly again in private or in the first group like nothing was different between us so it didn't seem like I offended them or they didn't really like me. The only thing I could think of was that they were trying to project authority or a different image in the new group that didn't match with being friendly to me- or they didn't want others to know about the other group and how we knew each other before... like the other group was a secret for them. It was weird and disappointing behavior. I took it as a sign that we were not really friends.
I have an "acquaintance" almost identical to this but it doesn't bother me. People that act like this are the ones with the problem and like everything else, I laugh at it to the point that it becomes a joke and I wait for it to happen again. I, personally don't look for acceptance from anyone. This is just the way people are and I accept it. People have different personalities so I can understand it being hard for some to accept.
You could have led with that when first answering this post!0 -
TannedTiger wrote: »Well, say "hi" to more people. Girls have tendency to only say "hi" to other girls. Try saying "hi" to guys for a change. I am sure you will not be disappointed.
Since I am a girl they should have no problem saying hi back right?
I do find that guys are a lot more friendly and easy to talk to (at least as a first contact). As an example, this morning, a guy from this same class caught up to me and we chatted on the way to class (10 min walk). I had only talked to him once prior to that.
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HardcoreP0rk wrote: »OP - don't sweat it. Just keep being friendly, and if people want to awkwardly avoid your absolutely normal attempts to be courteous, let them. Don't try to engage people in conversation if they've blown you off before, but keep saying hi and being yourself. You're fine.
Hope you're adjusting to college life well, and making some good friends. If you're feeling lonely, try joining a book club or some other group where you can meet people that share some common interests.HardcoreP0rk wrote: »Here's my question, did you really talk to all of these people before or did you just imagine it hoping it was true? Did you have a lot of imaginary friends growing up?
I'm not sure why you felt the need to be such a jerk. Here's a woman feeling socially awkward and wanting some encouragement or feedback of maybe just an explanation and you come in to do what, exactly? Does it feel good? Because you're not being clever or funny or helpful...so wtf are you trying to accomplish?
You absolutely got that right, I was looking for similar experiences and hopefully some encouragement/advice. Anyway kind posts like yours (and the others that shared) absolutely make up for the less supportive ones.
And I am the kind of person who would join a book club... maybe I should 0 -
In all honsesty I was being funny in a plot twist type of way. Seriously, situations like these are probably huge factors in why there are so many on campus shootings.HardcoreP0rk wrote: »Here's my question, did you really talk to all of these people before or did you just imagine it hoping it was true? Did you have a lot of imaginary friends growing up?
I'm not sure why you felt the need to be such a jerk. Here's a woman feeling socially awkward and wanting some encouragement or feedback of maybe just an explanation and you come in to do what, exactly? Does it feel good? Because you're not being clever or funny or helpful...so wtf are you trying to accomplish?
Wow you have a knack for the inappropriate. Your first comment actually made me laugh but likening my situation to that of a mass shooter, that's pushing it too far.
My first post as I stated was clearly a joke ( you said you even laughed). As I stated later, people have different personalities and are able to accept (or not) these things in different ways. I do believe this situation is very similar to a mass shooter situation. What do you think triggers these people to go off like they do? I think it is the lack of feeling accepted. Everything is cause and effect.
I don't know what triggers a mass shooter situation. I live in Switzerland where there haven't been any on campus shootings that I am aware of and I certainly don't feel the need to shoot someone or retaliate in any way.
And I don't think that people in Switzerland feel more accepted than in the US. The US has much more diversity and acceptance for different groups. If lack of acceptance was the trigger, why are there no mass shootings in Switzerland?
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I have had a person I knew in one group setting for an extended period as very friendly and talkative to me. I would have said we were friends since it was beyond small talk. We met in another setting with different people and they acted as though we were not known to each other. They didn't totally ignore my existance but were very distant when we were around others. They would act friendly again in private or in the first group like nothing was different between us so it didn't seem like I offended them or they didn't really like me. The only thing I could think of was that they were trying to project authority or a different image in the new group that didn't match with being friendly to me- or they didn't want others to know about the other group and how we knew each other before... like the other group was a secret for them. It was weird and disappointing behavior. I took it as a sign that we were not really friends.
That is disappointing.
Even though I wasn't friends with this girl we had lunch together a few times, and talked beyond "school work". However we had to work together for a project, so
1. She either pretended to get along with me to make working on the project easier
2. She doesn't want to be "seen" with me while she is hanging out with another group of people.
3. I offended her in some way. Which is possible as I am socially awkward and can be a little stand-offish.
I really think it is either 1 or 2, in which case, well it isn't my fault...0 -
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@Clawsal I understand if you don't want to answer this, but are you considerably overweight? If so, what you are experiencing happens all the time and sadly it isn't something specific to college (or high school). I know several women that experiencing this sort of thing in the workplace. People happy to interact (often will initiate the contact) with them on a 1 on 1 basis, but ignore them when they are with other people.
I think @HardcoreP0rk gave you the best advice. Do not try to engage people that have blown you off before. And when they come to you and try to interact, call them out for blowing you off.0 -
Peter_Brady wrote: »@Clawsal I understand if you don't want to answer this, but are you considerably overweight? If so, what you are experiencing happens all the time and sadly it isn't something specific to college (or high school). I know several women that experiencing this sort of thing in the workplace. People happy to interact (often will initiate the contact) with them on a 1 on 1 basis, but ignore them when they are with other people.
I think @HardcoreP0rk gave you the best advice. Do not try to engage people that have blown you off before. And when they come to you and try to interact, call them out for blowing you off.
I think your question is very relevant! I am technically not overweight (BMI-wise), though I am borderline and am trying to lose weight. However, I dress in a very simple manner (jeans and sneakers) which does not fit with the way most girls dress here. So appearance might be a factor.
I certainly won't try to talk to people who have blown me off (learned my lesson)! But I don't think I would call them out for it either (even though maybe I should).0 -
Peter_Brady wrote: »@Clawsal I understand if you don't want to answer this, but are you considerably overweight? If so, what you are experiencing happens all the time and sadly it isn't something specific to college (or high school). I know several women that experiencing this sort of thing in the workplace. People happy to interact (often will initiate the contact) with them on a 1 on 1 basis, but ignore them when they are with other people.
I think @HardcoreP0rk gave you the best advice. Do not try to engage people that have blown you off before. And when they come to you and try to interact, call them out for blowing you off.
I think your question is very relevant! I am technically not overweight (BMI-wise), though I am borderline and am trying to lose weight. However, I dress in a very simple manner (jeans and sneakers) which does not fit with the way most girls dress here. So appearance might be a factor.
I certainly won't try to talk to people who have blown me off (learned my lesson)! But I don't think I would call them out for it either (even though maybe I should).
Sometimes speaking up about it just opens you up to other mistreatment, so it is definitely not the best approach for everyone. The important thing is to not lose yourself trying to fit in. If there is something about you that causes them to behave that way, then it is THEIR loss not yours.0 -
I've had that happen...and I've also done it to others. Mainly people I haven't seen in awhile and don't care to strike up a conversation with right at that moment. Sometimes people just want to be in their own little world. In my little world, it doesn't mean anything if I pass you by. I could be totally lost in thought or on a mission.
Just bite the bullet and say hi first. If they ignore you then, they're just *kitten*.0 -
You describe yourself as 'jeans and sneakers' could these other women be jealous? Perhaps they would love to be comfortable enough to do just that but are too wrapped up in their 'perfect' worlds to do so. ( I think this is different from avoiding someone you went to school with 25 years ago, I do that all the time, that's just good sense ) ;-)0
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