People pretend they don't know you?

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  • Clawsal
    Clawsal Posts: 255 Member
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    Lounmoun wrote: »
    I have had a person I knew in one group setting for an extended period as very friendly and talkative to me. I would have said we were friends since it was beyond small talk. We met in another setting with different people and they acted as though we were not known to each other. They didn't totally ignore my existance but were very distant when we were around others. They would act friendly again in private or in the first group like nothing was different between us so it didn't seem like I offended them or they didn't really like me. The only thing I could think of was that they were trying to project authority or a different image in the new group that didn't match with being friendly to me- or they didn't want others to know about the other group and how we knew each other before... like the other group was a secret for them. It was weird and disappointing behavior. I took it as a sign that we were not really friends.

    That is disappointing.

    Even though I wasn't friends with this girl we had lunch together a few times, and talked beyond "school work". However we had to work together for a project, so
    1. She either pretended to get along with me to make working on the project easier
    2. She doesn't want to be "seen" with me while she is hanging out with another group of people.
    3. I offended her in some way. Which is possible as I am socially awkward and can be a little stand-offish.

    I really think it is either 1 or 2, in which case, well it isn't my fault...
  • Peter_Brady
    Peter_Brady Posts: 3,750 Member
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    @Clawsal I understand if you don't want to answer this, but are you considerably overweight? If so, what you are experiencing happens all the time and sadly it isn't something specific to college (or high school). I know several women that experiencing this sort of thing in the workplace. People happy to interact (often will initiate the contact) with them on a 1 on 1 basis, but ignore them when they are with other people.

    I think @HardcoreP0rk gave you the best advice. Do not try to engage people that have blown you off before. And when they come to you and try to interact, call them out for blowing you off.
  • Clawsal
    Clawsal Posts: 255 Member
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    Peter_Brady wrote: »
    @Clawsal I understand if you don't want to answer this, but are you considerably overweight? If so, what you are experiencing happens all the time and sadly it isn't something specific to college (or high school). I know several women that experiencing this sort of thing in the workplace. People happy to interact (often will initiate the contact) with them on a 1 on 1 basis, but ignore them when they are with other people.

    I think @HardcoreP0rk gave you the best advice. Do not try to engage people that have blown you off before. And when they come to you and try to interact, call them out for blowing you off.

    I think your question is very relevant! I am technically not overweight (BMI-wise), though I am borderline and am trying to lose weight. However, I dress in a very simple manner (jeans and sneakers) which does not fit with the way most girls dress here. So appearance might be a factor.

    I certainly won't try to talk to people who have blown me off (learned my lesson)! But I don't think I would call them out for it either (even though maybe I should).
  • Peter_Brady
    Peter_Brady Posts: 3,750 Member
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    Clawsal wrote: »
    Peter_Brady wrote: »
    @Clawsal I understand if you don't want to answer this, but are you considerably overweight? If so, what you are experiencing happens all the time and sadly it isn't something specific to college (or high school). I know several women that experiencing this sort of thing in the workplace. People happy to interact (often will initiate the contact) with them on a 1 on 1 basis, but ignore them when they are with other people.

    I think @HardcoreP0rk gave you the best advice. Do not try to engage people that have blown you off before. And when they come to you and try to interact, call them out for blowing you off.

    I think your question is very relevant! I am technically not overweight (BMI-wise), though I am borderline and am trying to lose weight. However, I dress in a very simple manner (jeans and sneakers) which does not fit with the way most girls dress here. So appearance might be a factor.

    I certainly won't try to talk to people who have blown me off (learned my lesson)! But I don't think I would call them out for it either (even though maybe I should).

    Sometimes speaking up about it just opens you up to other mistreatment, so it is definitely not the best approach for everyone. The important thing is to not lose yourself trying to fit in. If there is something about you that causes them to behave that way, then it is THEIR loss not yours.
  • deaddolly
    deaddolly Posts: 107 Member
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    I've had that happen...and I've also done it to others. Mainly people I haven't seen in awhile and don't care to strike up a conversation with right at that moment. Sometimes people just want to be in their own little world. In my little world, it doesn't mean anything if I pass you by. I could be totally lost in thought or on a mission.

    Just bite the bullet and say hi first. If they ignore you then, they're just *kitten*.
  • tryasimighty
    tryasimighty Posts: 131 Member
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    You describe yourself as 'jeans and sneakers' could these other women be jealous? Perhaps they would love to be comfortable enough to do just that but are too wrapped up in their 'perfect' worlds to do so. ( I think this is different from avoiding someone you went to school with 25 years ago, I do that all the time, that's just good sense ) ;-)

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