Don't complain if you aren't gonna do anything about it!!! *

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tiffanyquincey
tiffanyquincey Posts: 107
in Health and Weight Loss
I love my best friend to death, but lately her complaints about her body are getting on my nerves!
She always complains about how "fat" she is. She is definitely NOT fat, maybe about 10 pounds heavier than me, but I just don't get how she will complain and complain and talk about how she needs to work out, eat better, blah blah blah.
I try to be supportive, give her ideas.. I even told her about MFP. She signed up and did it for about a week and then quit. She goes out drinking all the time, eats terribly, and then complains about how much weight shes gaining and she doesn't understand why!!

What really got on my nerves was the other day. She was telling me that we should go out to the bar when she gets paid and have a bunch of drinks. I told her that I've been doing so good with my plan, and every time I drink it throws me off for at least a day. She started pressuring me and told me I should just take a day off. I couldn't believe it! She never pulls the peer pressure thing and I didn't believe she actually did! She backed off about it after I was adamant about how I need to stay on my plan, but its still bothering me a couple days later.

Could she really be trying to sabotage me??

Replies

  • vdavis_89
    vdavis_89 Posts: 334
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    I would try not to be around her as much... you need good influence not bad and if she cant get it through her head that you are on a mission then she needs to back off a little :) You have a great MFP family here good luck!
  • dls06
    dls06 Posts: 6,774 Member
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    Misery loves company. I would not worry, you did nothing wrong. If she does it again I would just ask her why she is pressuring you.
  • WWhitaker
    WWhitaker Posts: 309
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    I don't think she's trying to SABOTAGE you. I think she just wants to have some fun with her friend and for you to let loose. Now, that doesn't mean you have to. Being one who likes a drink myself, it does suck going to a bar and not drinking, but if she wants to drink and you'd like to spend the time with her...then by all means go. If you feel you have enough self-restraint to do so. Do what's best for you!
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    She's not trying to sabotage you. Just realize that she probably wishes she could have your committment to your fitness goals. More than likely she hasn't hit a rock bottom moment yet which is why she can't commit to making lifestyle changes. Just continue to show her how strong you are, eventually she'll come around. I had a coworker that I am close with literally try to put a slice of cake on my desk after I had already declined it three times saying that I was staying away from stuff like that. She was like, "don't deprive yourself." I told her that I didn't and that I just didn't want the cake at all. She made me feel like I was being a b*tch because she literally seemed offended that I didn't accept the cake. Well, now that I am down 24 pounds she is asking me for advice every day :)
  • CoachKaren
    CoachKaren Posts: 90
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    THIS is a GREAT POST!
  • anolan807
    anolan807 Posts: 273 Member
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    I would just let her complain and be there to listen. Don't worry about the advice or don't let her get to you. She just wants to talk and she probably sees you losing and being healthy so when she is around you her guilt of her own habits sets in.
  • scoobysnack1983
    scoobysnack1983 Posts: 13
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    yeah i have a friend who's similar.... lol i eventually quit asking her to participate with me and asking her to come with me to the gym and then she complains about how she needs to lose some weight but then eats junk and drinks all the time. HA! oh well.... you keep doing what your doing and feel proud that you're doing it.... she will get jealous and hopefully start by watching how good you look.
  • Claible
    Claible Posts: 106 Member
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    I am sorry but I can relate. It must be a day for people to try and rune everything we have worked for. I have several co-workers that are very supportive most days. Today we were talking about food and eating out. It came up how big portions are. The one who is most out of shape and has tons of health problems told me I could order what I wanted and just take half of it home. Yes, but I have an issue with stopping. If it is there I will eat it unless I can see in numbers how it will affect me. I was offended that the one who won't help herself was giving me dieting advice. I just rolled my eyes and stopped talking. Maybe not the most mature thing to do but, I got my point across without saying harsh words. Sorry to vent with you. Just trying to show how I understand and if you need support you can always friend me. I love being a cheerleader.. LOL
  • shonasteele
    shonasteele Posts: 473
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    She's probably envious that you are doing something about it and she isn't (or feels she can't). She might also think your diet is getting more attention than her so she could be jealous of that and want your time and attention.

    Whatever happens, be kind. I've learned that you really have to be ready to do something about your weight, so tough love or manipulation won't work to try to get her working on it. Just be a good example and be there for her when she's ready.

    If she says or does anything again, just nicely ask for her support and/or suggest that you two do something healthier together, like a walk or a picnic or shopping or whatever fits for you & your relationship.
  • Princepessa56
    Princepessa56 Posts: 7
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    You stood your ground!! Congratulations! Not all of us would stay strong and not falter. Next time your friend may be very respectful of you and you may nicely be able to get across the point of how important your new healthier ways of eating are to you. Look at what may be a real positive growth between you and your friend. Good luck.
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
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    Just stick to your guns... I had a co-worker and friend who was just like your friend. When I lost 20 lbs they all knew I was serious and the respect was finally there... They saw I meant business and that nothing would stop me. They then began asking advice :)
  • milaxx
    milaxx Posts: 1,122 Member
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    I don't think she is intentionally trying to sabotage you, she just doesn't "get" it yet. You may need to limit your contact with her or learn to change the subject with she starts all the fat talk. Also if you can;t go out with her and nurse one drink all night or do seltzer water you may not be able to hang with her for a while. If she is a good friend and you feel you can talk openly and honestly with her, then sit her down and tell her that taking days off and going out drinking and any talk like that sabotages the efforts yo u are making and whether she is aware of it or not discouraging to you.
  • jwerman
    jwerman Posts: 176
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    Unfortunately, there will always be "haters", believe me I know a few. Seek out your true supporters, they can be extremely valuable as I'm learning myself. And stick with MFP, I have found nothing but supportive friends and daily encouragement on here. You can do it! :)

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