Tough Day today

Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry you and your daughter are going through this. Anorexia is a mental disorder so, remember, this is no more your fault than it is hers. She cannot help the way she feels, since she is sick and needs help for her illness. You are doing the right thing by taking her to the doctor. I hope the doctor can give you guys a good plan to help her get healthy.

Man, that stinks. Girls have it so tough. They all have body issues. My daughter is about the same size as yours, just a bit heavier, but she is in the opposite situation -- she feels too skinny and has a hard time gaining weight.

I think that as role models, as long as we are not constantly emphasizing things about our own weight, whether we say that we feel too fat, too thin, too big, etc ... or we can't eat this or that, or anything that puts a lot of focus on trying to control our own weight, we are setting the right example -- by not emphasizing it, we teach them that *their* weight is not something to obsess over. It may seem like splitting hairs, but it makes a big difference when we talk instead about making healthy choices for our health and nutrition with exercise clean eating. I try to keep my calorie counting and my negative body image to myself.

Counseling is a good thing, and is essential for anorexia. I hope your doctor gives you a good referral for your daughter. Wishing you the best.

Prayers.

I was anorexic as a 15-year-old, and my mother was always overweight and on some diet or other. 12 years later, here's my thoughts:

My mom's body issues were not the root of my anorexia. There's a lot of emotions going on with being a teenager, and I was having friend issues and boy issues that were severely affecting my self-esteem. While I wasn't overweight, most of my friends were smaller than me, and comparing myself to them didn't help. For a large number of girls with eating disorders, getting that number on the scale as low as possible and pushing through the hunger is all about feeling in control of their lives. I felt so out of control of everything else - boys didn't like me, girls were catty behind my back, I had acne, I felt awkward all the time - that this was the one thing I could do and have complete control over. I also had depression, and managing the depression is what eventually got my eating disorder in check. Anorexia is a mental illness often coupled with other mental illness, and a doctor will be able to help your daughter better than you can. Offer all your love and support, but understand that what she's going through is bigger than you and what you can do alone.

That said, I'd advise you to be very conscious about how you talk about your body from this point on. There is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight, but talk about healthy choices and long life and being physically able rather than how happy you are to fit in a smaller dress or how much you hate your stomach pudge. My mother always wanted to lose weight for her appearance, not health, and when I gained weight in my early twenties I found myself repeating her negativity. So while your weight issues haven't caused hers, it's important to start projecting as many positive vibes as possible so she when she recovers, she can work to maintain a healthy weight for the right reasons.

All the best to you. I know this is hard.