Looking for a little help

First, I am sorry about your friend. I can't imagine a loss like that. As far as deciding what you want for the rest of your life, if this isn't it, I think you need to find what is. What are you passionate about and what do you enjoy doing? If you find something that you love that you can turn into a career, you'll never work a day in your life. It is not to say it will be a quick process, but if you can start working toward it, baby steps will still get you to where you want to go. I just figured out what I wanted to do at 30 and it took the next 4 years to go back to school and finish a degree I had started a decade earlier so it is never too late to change your mind.

I don't do change well myself. It is also out of my comfort zone to do things on my own. I actually made that kind of a goal for the year and so far it has really paid off. Truly, you don't have to make a decision today and do it today, just make sure over time you move toward what you want. Kind of the same thing we are all doing here with weight loss. If something was easy, everyone would do it.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know in times of grief we have a tendency to reflect on our own lives & question the meaning of it all. This is a time of transformation for you and I think you should feed your curiosity.

Think about your childhood & what you loved to do as a kid. Talk to family members & old friends & ask them for their insight. Take some career personality tests online that match you to your ideal profession. Notice any similarities? There's an old book that's still relevant called "what color is your parachute?"

Then, Consider signing up for some continuing education courses at your local community college in fields that may interest you. This will give you tons of resources & networking to support your life change. My CC actually offers courses to help people find new careers. You will see your not alone in this courageous endeavor. And you will have counsellors that will assist you & hold your hand through the whole process.
If classrooms freak you out you can always do an online course. Or hire a life coach to help you.

If $ is tight you can just start by putting the energy out there & asking the universe. ( be very specific with your words & intention b/c it has a tendency to take you quite literally!). Start doing things differently! Start researching for yourself, start meditating, start praying, start sharing your story (so many of my friends found careers simply by chatting to someone at a party!). & start looking for the signs.

Also keep in mind that most people don't Love their jobs! Theres a funny quote "go to school for what you love to do & you'll never work a day in your life, because no one will be hiring when you get out!" We work so we CAN afford to do the things we Love. Value your free time & spend it with the people you Love and doing the things you Love. And know at the end of it all things have a way of working themselves out. Good luck!