Overeating because of unhappiness; 25 lb weight gain in 1 month

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livelyferret
livelyferret Posts: 1 Member
in Motivation and Support
A month ago, I went to meet an online boyfriend I had been talking to for half a year. While I was there, I was deeply unhappy. First I was in a different country, second he was very different offline. He told me I wasn't welcome there and every few days he would tell me he didn't like me at all. Then he would say he loved me and wanted to marry me. But every few days he would say he had been lying all the time and didn't care about me at all. This made me feel confused and stressed. I was there for a month exactly.

As a result, in order to deal with how I felt, almost every day I would overeat. I would sit in a restaurant from morning to night while he was at work. I would start with 2 entrees and eat until my stomach hurt so much I could barely move. My thought at that point was "I wish my stomach was empty because I feel so sad and I need to eat." I did not know what else to do to feel better since I did not know anyone else other than my boyfriend. So anyways, I'd wait until the pain subsided a little, then I would order something else and eat until my stomach hurt. Then I'd wait an hour and then eat again.

I have gained a little over 25 pounds over the past month. I wish I was exaggerating, but I'm not. I have weighed myself over the past few days and yes it is true. It is disconcerting for me to look in the mirror and see how much my face and arms have changed within 1 month. When I got back home my parents, relatives, and neighbors told me that I have gained so much weight and look so different. It's so weird having gained so much weight in a short period of time and looking in the mirror.

Right now even though I still have feelings for my boyfriend, my plan is to take a break from talking to him. I am sick of this cycle where my stomach constantly hurts (just last night he was being nasty to me on the phone and I proceeded to go to a restaurant and buy 3 entrees).

Replies

  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,716 Member
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    I'm sorry for what you've gone through but cut off all communication with the "boyfriend" ASAP! He's certainly not any where near relationship material. Unfortunately, lots of people are different offline than they are online.

    Not to question you or make you feel worse, but why didn't you leave after the first week? I don't need an answer. Just curious and more importantly trying to stress the importance of trusting your gut and putting yourself first. That was a toxic situation that caused you to react negatively. You know what you did and why so just take it day by day, let yourself heal emotionally and your physical body will heal. No more turning to food for comfort.
  • shadowfax_c11
    shadowfax_c11 Posts: 1,942 Member
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    Speaking from some experience. When I was deeply unhappy it was impossible for me to get control of my eating. First fix the real cause of your unhappiness. For me that meant making some pretty big changes in

    1) My outlook on life. I had to force myself to start focusing on positive things. No matter how small.
    2) My associations. I stopped spending time with people who encouraged my negative mindset and start spending time around people who only encouraged me to be better and who were examples of the kind f person I wanted to be.
    3) I had to stop making due with a job that just got me by and work to get into a career that lets me use my talents to do work I love.
    4) I had to change my living environment. Selling my old house and moving into a small apartment where I don't get so overwhelmed by upkeep and maintenance.

    I have been a much happier person since making those changes. After I got those squared away(it took a few years), I was ready to tackle weight loss.

    Your so called boyfriend is not only not making you happy he is making you miserable. How can you possibly care about a person who does not care about you? You need to come to the decision that you deserve better and won't accept anything less.

  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    That's not a boyfriend

    That's a mistake you should learn from

    Why on earth are you still talking to him?
  • RunawayCurves
    RunawayCurves Posts: 688 Member
    edited April 2016
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    The boyfriend is called a sociopathic narcissist , I lived with one just like that for 6 months. He was very charismatic and full of declarations of love and how he wanted to marry me and have children etc. He was really over the top with it very keen to move in with me. Once he moved in he could not sustain the mr nice guy act. He became very turbulent alternating between mr nice guy and someone truly vile. It was very confusing. He abused and ruthlessly manipulated me in every way culminating in raping me and refusing to leave for months after that. It was a nightmare that resulted in me gaining loads of weight and having a severe mental breakdown that years down the line I am still dealing with fallout from.
    The guy you met has no business being anything other than an ex. Cut him right out of your life, he is damaged in a way that you can not help him and he will destroy you if you give him any benefit of the doubt. Walk away and never look back no matter what. Change your phone number and e-mail etc, return any letters unopened to sender with a no longer at this address note on envelope.
    People like him are very destructive to be involved with. Your reaction is natural. Forgive yourself and begin putting your life back together now wiser for the experience. Do not even think about letting him in your life again. People like that are toxic.

    https://truthlover5.com/2012/12/07/profile-of-a-sociopath-charming-manipulative-grandiose-lying-narcissitic-authoritarian-secretive/
  • kbmnurse
    kbmnurse Posts: 2,484 Member
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    Run fast.
  • slowandsteady165lb66
    slowandsteady165lb66 Posts: 4 Member
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    Get rid of him, he's bad news. There is someone out who will be a lot kinder to you.
  • MissusMoon
    MissusMoon Posts: 1,900 Member
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    Time to focus on YOU and being happy single. Work on your relationship with food. Get on program and you will start to feel better, promise.
  • Rnsmith1982
    Rnsmith1982 Posts: 24 Member
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    Get rid of him and find someone offline in your own area. If you don't like the way your life is now with him, do you really think you can deal with that drama for the next 30 years?
  • oocdc2
    oocdc2 Posts: 1,361 Member
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    If you don't mind me observing, you're directing your emotions in the absolute wrong direction (towards yourself, not him). *You* didn't do anything wrong here, except perhaps allowing this guy affect you so negatively.

    From what I'm reading, this seems to be a bigger issue than just the overeating, though. I hope you can find access to a neutral third-party (e.g., counselor) to work out what this cycle is all about. Good luck.

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