Fad diet woes, lessons learned, and moving forward...

I want to start by saying that if the shake/shake/meal type programs work for you and you have actually managed to stick to it, bravo. For real.

My weight fluctuations during my path through puberty and the beginnings of adulthood have always been a huge cause of worry in my life. Even when I was at a healthy weight for my height and age, I always saw all the itty bitty bodies around me and convinced myself that I was just huge. Of course, at that time I wasn't paying any attention to what I was putting in my mouth. Thank goodness for the teenage metabolism. If I still ate the way I did...let's just say I had a love for Butterfinger Sonic Blasts that would have turned me into one if I'd stayed in the south.

I started college at about 165 pounds, give or take a little, and ended my freshman year at 185. By the time I got halfway through my sophomore year, I was hovering around 190. I'm 5'3", so that's a whole lot and it happened very quickly. I committed myself to losing weight and, by doing constant cardio and a big calorie deficit, I was down to 170 by the end of the school year.

I started my junior year at 183. Surprise! Only doing cardio and starving yourself doesn't work long term? Are you kidding me?!

I didn't really do anything about it until the end of that year when my then-boyfriend dumped me and I was feeling like a complete failure. I heard about a transformation program my gym did every year and signed up immediately. It was GREAT. The coaches helped me learn more about nutrition (no, a tuna melt with a side of mozzarella sticks is not a balanced meal), strength training, and better cardio. After eight weeks, I was back down to 170ish and stronger than I'd ever been. I got to meet my current (wonderful, charming, loving, etc.) boyfriend while I was still feeling like a boss-*kitten*-*kitten*.

I promise I'm getting to the point already!

We moved to another state when I graduated and the only job I could get at the time was at Macy's. The awesome thing about working in retail was that by constantly moving around that huge store, even with a weekly burger or two (#sorrynotsorry), my weight finally dropped below 170 for the first time in years. I left Macy's for my current job in 2014. I love it, but it's definitely a challenge to stay active with a full-time desk job.

In the spring of 2015, I committed myself to getting skinny again, this time by one of those strict, 30-day, shake/shake/meal programs. I convinced myself that it was magical and that I could stick to it after the first month, but here I am, another 10 pounds lost and regained. Huge bummer!

I'm finally ready to do things the right way again and treat my body better. The one thing I learned by doing one of those diets is how to eat less refined sugar and just less sugar in general. I've never thought of myself as someone who is really into sweets, but I used to feel like I was depriving myself if I removed any of the flavored yogurts or excess fruit from my diet because MyFitnessPal said my sugar intake was too high.

I am still learning to love my body. Some days I feel amazing and I embrace my curves. Others, I feel like a worthless heap of poop. At least now I have the tools and the knowledge to reach my goals.

Food is not your enemy, just be responsible. Don't train to be "skinny", but instead to be sexy AF. Most importantly...

LOVE YOURSELF.