this is my confession.

i have been lying to myself and hiding my eating problem for a long time. i eat to fill voids in my heart that can't be filled with food (and that leads to me eating A LOT). i really feel the Lord telling me that food has become an idol to me, which is so true and so convicting. i turn to food in my time of need or hurt instead of turning to the Lord and it's a huge problem. it's a big wall in my relationship with Jesus. and for about two years now i've been trying to change that. i've been trying to stop 'filling' myself with food and turn to Jesus, but i've had the wrong motivations. my motivations are to look 'sexy' or to be wanted by guys and that's not okay. i should want to be healthy because this is Jesus' temple. this body isn't mine and i am not my own.
so, all this said, i just had a long chat with Jesus and i've got to change this, but not in my own strength. i need to let Jesus transform my heart and break off the chains that are binding me to food. i need Him to be my strength and to take off all the things burdening me. for so long, i thought i had to be the one to do all the work. i thought it took HOURS in the gym and TONS of boring, bland food. no. it takes Jesus. it takes His grace, His strength and His love. He had the power to raise himself from the grave, how can He not rescue me from this pit. it's such a simple revelation, but now that i've had it, my perspective is changed. my goal is to now turn to the Lord and to lay it all at His feet and let Him have His way. that's my diet plan.:)
i hope this is encouraging to other who are having the same problem as me with emotional eating and trying to fill voids with food. it's an empty, empty lifestyle that's only hurting us in the long run. i pray that my revelation is a help to someone. choose Jesus, He died for your pain. and i'm here to pray for anyone who needs it! good luck in all of your weight-loss journeys! you're all amazing, beautiful people. blesssss you!