Depression Is Trying To Kill Me

CaramJo_Inspired
CaramJo_Inspired Posts: 7 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've struggled with both depression and my weight since I was young. In 2010, I finally took control, and lost 80 pounds. And the depression seemed to disappear. For a while. Then, a week before Christmas of 2012, I lost my job, and the depression resurfaced. Slowly I started gaining the weight back. Off and on, I would fight back. I would eat right and exercise here and there. But, there would be days on end when I wouldn't even want to get out of bed.

So I don't bore you with my whole story, let me skip to 2 weeks ago. 2 weeks ago, tomorrow, I went to the doctor and started a doctor prescribed and watched weight loss program. (BTW... I am on depression meds too, and going to counseling with a different doctor.) For the past 2 weeks, I have been counting calories, exercising, and generally kicking butt. I've been feeling great. But, the last few days a fog has set in. I've been sleeping more. And thinking of "comfort food" more. (See, that was one of my things... lots of "comfort food -- just to pass the time.) This morning, after waking up I stayed in bed for the longest until my mom finally made me get up. And, even then, I came downstairs to sit in front of the computer. She's telling me to fix my breakfast. But, I'm terrified to even go in the kitchen. Terrified of that room and getting the wrong things. And, of course I won't tell her any of this... because she would freak out.

I don't want to fail at this. I want to be healthy. I want to feel good. I want to feel sane again.

Right now I feel like I'm absolutely losing my mind.

Replies

  • kandell
    kandell Posts: 473 Member
    How long have you been on your depression meds? Could it be they're either not working anymore or it's just not the right chemicals for you? You might need to try another medication.

    Don't feel like you're going to fail at this <3 one day will not make or break your progress. Have you been stressed about anything in particular, on top of the depression?

    Maybe try making a few small goals for each day to help you stay on track without seeming too difficult.
  • littlebrownbat3
    littlebrownbat3 Posts: 54 Member
    Depression tried to kill me too...The only thing I can think to do is to set a few small goals everyday. Maybe hit just one of your macros, exercise for 30 minutes...goals you could all of in an hour. Personally, I hit a real low point 4 years ago, and I've been feeling myself backslide (and gain weight...hmmm) due to a difficult cross country move. The first step is realizing things are bad and you want to fix them. The next is the proactive baby steps. For me that is: Work out 30 min a day. Non negotiable. Meditate for 10 minutes a day (still suck at it, but I'm trying). Practice French for 10 minutes a day (found a great app, and learning a second language is something I've always wanted to do. These three things take less than an hour to complete- 1 is good for my body, 1 is good for my mind, and 1 is good for my heart, and these things are small enough to actually get done, but when they are done I feel accomplished. Since this is a fitness site, I guess I should suggest exercise or whatever, but honestly, any short list of things that you need/want to do.

    It gets you in a mindset that you need to fight depression in a couple of ways:
    Gets you goal oriented
    Makes you feel accomplished- as sense of progress
    Makes you feel empowered- the worst part of depression for me is the powerless negativity

    Also, try to let go of the sense of failure...It's not a failure, it's a backslide. If you are anything like me, you will backslide again. You crawl back out of the pit yet again- but this time you do it faster.
  • butterflylady86
    butterflylady86 Posts: 369 Member
    One day at a time. Believe that you can do it. I send you prayers and positive vibes. Bless you
  • Jkowals123
    Jkowals123 Posts: 133 Member
    I struggle with depression too and was on meds for it. Unfortunately the medication actually caused the weight gain so I am now off meds and on supplements! Fish oil tabs and the supplement NAC works for me!!
  • littlebrownbat3
    littlebrownbat3 Posts: 54 Member
    Hey, just checking in, how are you feeling today? Better, worse, or the same? Taking the time to notice these little differences help. If you are better, that's great! If the same, that's ok! Worse? Why? Is there something proactive you can do to change it slightly in either direction? Don't judge it, just assess.

    Depression is a *kitten*, with the added bonus that there is a serious lack of understanding and respect for mental health and illness. It will be ok, eventually.
  • woznube7
    woznube7 Posts: 537 Member
    One day at a time, one step at a time. I can relate to your feelings/journey/etc. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! <3@CaramJo_Inspired
  • brb_2013
    brb_2013 Posts: 1,197 Member
    Have you read into natural supplements for depression? There are a few vitamins and supplements that have really helped me to a good place. Maybe it's the placebo effect but man I feel better MOST days. I'm not selling anything, just perhaps prompting you to do a Google search and read about the options and see what might work for you :)
  • Fatphuck
    Fatphuck Posts: 18 Member
    I have wide ranges of up and downs. When I am up Im very up, when Im down its pretty bad. It sure would be nice to have a couple friend who understand me.
  • barbara3213
    barbara3213 Posts: 98 Member
    I've also battled depression most of my life. I'm sure you've been through the whole drill with meds and counselors. Those are still in my arsenal. I've also found daily exercise to be incredibly helpful. HARD to do sometimes, but addictive if you can stick with it a week or so. Good luck.
  • LuckyNumbers
    LuckyNumbers Posts: 208 Member
    Fellow depression sufferer here. I'm on meds, and thinking about going back to a psychiatrist soon, because I've been feeling off. It's something we'll always have to be vigilant about, just like anyone else who has a chronic condition.

    I agree with the posters who suggested setting small daily goals. If three goals to accomplish in one day is too overwhelming, start with one. Just one. Since food is tripping you up right now, maybe the goal can be to eat a healthy, balanced breakfast that you enjoy. For me, I find if I start my day on a "win", the rest of the day has a better chance of falling into place for me and it motivates me to make good choices for myself for the whole day. But pick something that is doable for you.

    You can do this. Depression doesn't have to win.
  • Unknown
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  • xmichaelyx
    xmichaelyx Posts: 883 Member
    I've been depressed my whole life. The only thing that's fixed it for me is doing a few intense workouts every week.
    CaramJo_Inspired wrote: »
    But, I'm terrified to even go in the kitchen. Terrified of that room and getting the wrong things. And, of course I won't tell her any of this... because she would freak out.

    That's not depression; it's panic. You need to talk to someone, and you need to be able to talk to someone. Get in therapy, and once you're established there, bring your mom.

  • rachellech
    rachellech Posts: 40 Member
    I definitely understand. It is a struggle but keep fighting. This week was really bad but now I realize I have to be more vigilant with my triggers, especially sweet bread. I think after having a small treat last week, it caused a craving which spiraled out of control and being a diabetic, it just exacerbated the depression. I feel like crap and my stomach hurts from overeating all week. I finally finished the loaves of sweet bread I bought last week (won't do that again) and I hope I can start rebooting so next week will be a clean slate. I work out a lot except when I'm in the midst of the depression like this week, so my clothes feel tight and I'm so angry that all of the progress I did weeks before got destroyed with this depression and binge...grrrr!

    I felt a bit stressed last week and since I was working out I thought I could handle a small treat, and with other foods I'm fine, but when it comes to bread/pasta, I lose control. I live alone with my dogs so I had no one to help me stop.

    Today I am taking my multivitamins again (include fish oil) and will even take 1 metformin (was off it for so long but I think I need it today to offset my sugar spike). I will get more sleep this weekend (was sleep deprived all week from the depression) and I will forgive myself. Meds and counseling hasn't helped me in the past but I will take these small steps to try to get me back to normal, God willing.

    I hope you find your reset button. Just remember you are not alone, forgive yourself and start again. Good luck!

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