The Paranoia

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jlizk
jlizk Posts: 20 Member
in Motivation and Support
How do people deal with this. (sorry this is such a whiny post!)

This is partly why I'm doing this, along with so many other reasons, but how do you go out without feeling like people are staring? Of course I know they are, but how do you not care? I assume my colleagues are talking about it, scared to be in photos with my friends because they're so much smaller, its affecting so much now :(

That is assuming that other people actually get this feeling. Most of the larger people I'm friends with are absolutely fine with it.

Does anyone have any wise words?

Replies

  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,182 Member
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    What Paranoia? Do you have friends that love you and want to take pictures to remember the fun you have together? Neither you nor I can force the world to admire overweight people just because we're overweight, but we can choose to eat sensibly and exercise regularly just because we want to be healthy. That admiration stuff comes later.
  • aprilkorn
    aprilkorn Posts: 26 Member
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    I know where your coming from. I was always the small one before but then gained a lot and I would always worry everyone was looking at me and whispering omg look what happened to her. I drove myself crazy and didnt want to go out for fear I would run into someone who remembered from before I gained the weight. I found myself bringing it up myself before they got the chance if I did run into someone like that. I eventually got over it but still tough sometimes. It helps to know I'm not the only one with body issues and I try to focus on the good things about myself like I try to be fashionable as I can or friendly so people will think of that instead of my weight.
  • MzManiak
    MzManiak Posts: 1,361 Member
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    If it helps, the smaller ones have body issues also. Accept people for who they are, including yourself. If they are friends, they will love you just the same... if they aren't, well, who gives a single fuc what they think? :wink:
  • sympha01
    sympha01 Posts: 942 Member
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    I used to be Class III obese. Of course I was self-conscious about it all the time.

    But. Here's some stuff to consider to maybe take the edge off:

    1. Honestly, most people in the world have better things to do than even NOTICE you, much less "stare at" you.
    2. However, yes, there is indeed subset of people in the world who DO enjoy judging fat people. EFF THEM.
    3. Take some time to think about your friends. Why are they your friends? Are they indeed the kind of people who for some reason actually RESENT you for being not attractive enough for photos? PROBABLY NOT. But if so? THEN EFF THEM TOO. There are people in the world who will be your friend without judging you on your attractiveness.
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
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    You know, I think this is an extension of Piaget's developmental stage involving both the "imaginary audience" and "personal fable." The basic idea is that you feel like you're under constant scrutiny and observation from others and it stems a bit from the ego-centrism of younger people.

    The truth is no one is looking at you, they're all too worried about themselves. You gotta get out of your own head and do what's right for you.
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
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    “You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”

    ― Eleanor Roosevelt
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    jlizk wrote: »
    How do people deal with this. (sorry this is such a whiny post!)

    This is partly why I'm doing this, along with so many other reasons, but how do you go out without feeling like people are staring? Of course I know they are, but how do you not care? I assume my colleagues are talking about it, scared to be in photos with my friends because they're so much smaller, its affecting so much now :(

    That is assuming that other people actually get this feeling. Most of the larger people I'm friends with are absolutely fine with it.

    Does anyone have any wise words?

    People are pretty self absorbed.They aren't thinking or watching you as much as you think they are.
    How much do you really notice about those around you or care about enough to discuss?

  • jlizk
    jlizk Posts: 20 Member
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    I guess I've always felt it, but only recently has it made me not want to do things and I really don't want to be in a position where I become a hermit/stop enjoying things.
    Thank you all though. Sometimes it can be a very lonely place being overweight, even if you have people around you.

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