Emotions & Focus
briegirl28
Posts: 121 Member
I have been experiencing a lot of low level stress lately --- trying to find a better and new position and having some anxiety during the process.
I find that lately, as I am trying to be patient and think positively that things will work out for the best, I am easily distracted by immature and silly things.
So, in general, I feel that some of my co-workers look down on me, like I am less than them. This is in part an effect of management. I am equal to or have more experience and education and abilities than they do, but there is the usual office favoritism, so I am kind of treated like an outcast.
This co-worker had been talking down to me for a while and overly aggressive in joint tasks and I finally told her how I felt. She misinterpreted something I said and then denied any fault of her own. To make peace I have apologized to her---twice--- and during each apology she says she accepts it and it's over and done with, and then she goes on to tell me I was not right in my view points and I was wrong in my comments. So she just keeps the argument going in a way.
I can't seem to get her to accept her culpability and I find myself upset that she would think it is okay to call me a liar and continue to speak down to me. She says that she has always be cordial to me and "professional".
I know that trying to get her to accept her responsibility is futile and just makes me look like the bad/immature person.
Not sure how to stop feeling angry at the situation. Need your input.
I have been having a hard time not eating as I tend to eat when I am upset or frustrated.
I find that lately, as I am trying to be patient and think positively that things will work out for the best, I am easily distracted by immature and silly things.
So, in general, I feel that some of my co-workers look down on me, like I am less than them. This is in part an effect of management. I am equal to or have more experience and education and abilities than they do, but there is the usual office favoritism, so I am kind of treated like an outcast.
This co-worker had been talking down to me for a while and overly aggressive in joint tasks and I finally told her how I felt. She misinterpreted something I said and then denied any fault of her own. To make peace I have apologized to her---twice--- and during each apology she says she accepts it and it's over and done with, and then she goes on to tell me I was not right in my view points and I was wrong in my comments. So she just keeps the argument going in a way.
I can't seem to get her to accept her culpability and I find myself upset that she would think it is okay to call me a liar and continue to speak down to me. She says that she has always be cordial to me and "professional".
I know that trying to get her to accept her responsibility is futile and just makes me look like the bad/immature person.
Not sure how to stop feeling angry at the situation. Need your input.
I have been having a hard time not eating as I tend to eat when I am upset or frustrated.
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Replies
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Personally, what I would do in this situation is just let it go. I've always had a problem with stress in my workplace and little things like this. I found that all I was doing is making myself unhappy. Coworkers involved didn't care if they were in the wrong. So I just decided one day to stop letting it get to me. It's hard as hell. But I've found that if I just choose to do my job and be happy, I'm less stressed. Which is better for my blood pressure.
Good luck!1 -
"The ship can only sink if there is water within."
I know how hard it can be, but maybe it is time now that you focus on yourself rather than what other people say about you. You'll live happily and much fulfilled/contented with who you are & where you are.
Here's what I did when I started to hate my job because my boss was putting me into a high-stress (physically, mentally and emotionally). Apart from the crazy schedule, it proved to be too much of an expense even though I was doing well in my career. It didn't make me happy anymore so:- First, remove yourself from the situation. If leaving your job isn't possible at the moment, then start looking. Create an exit plan. If the situation is not changing or the people are not amenable to you, then this is indeed futile. The power here lies with you - you can choose to accept this and go on but suffer OR choose to accept that they might not change how they treat you after your attempts of reconciliation so you need to just exit from this mess.
- Be careful of who you talk to. 90% of the negaive office matters is miscommunication - the he said, she said game. Don't divulge information to those who might be talking to them. The case is, there are a lot of misunderstood concepts about you. Try to keep your private life private, or your achievements at a mid-level. These people give you shade seem insecure. So don't give them something to get insecured about. Don't let them. If it happened it's because someone (maybe from the HR) told them that info about you.
- Take everything she says with a grain of salt. Don't take the things too personally. I've done my fair share of handling worldwide trade operations and what I've learned dealing with people from various parts of the globe is... to try not to take what they say to heart. It may be a constructive critique gone wrong, but if it's not true then don't waste your time arguing with her. You know yourself better than she does.
- Go for a walk or take a break. Drink water. Laugh. I've learned that being in a constant high-stress situation I'm subjected to intense arguments and "where is my report for the board meeting?" at 4AM but you know what? I put a smile to it. It annoys my boss
so much so that he'd let me sit for him in the board room (he's pretty useless, he makes me do his stuff lol). That the president even joked I should just replace him. Try to laugh, I know it seems hard, but having an upbeat personality will pull you through. Taking a walk & drinking water also helps. Avoid caffeine, it aggravates you. - Talk to someone or spend time with someone you trust. Sometimes all it really takes for us to stop being angry is to hear that affirmation from someone who loves and appreciates us. It makes us see ourselves like how we do in mirror. The reason you are angry is because how you see yourself is not aligned with the way these office people see you. And it frustrates you, it feels like they are making a bad rep up about you when you deem it isn't true. So what you should do, re-affirm yourself. Align that image. Find someone in the office who you have a better relationship and spend more time with them than these people. If there's none, gravitate to your family or friends. People who've known you for years or people who really get you. You'll see magic happen once you start these steps. You'll find more joy in their company than thinking what could have been in your arguments with that lady.
You can truly get yourself out of it, believe me. Once I recognized how I could get myself out, I found it more inspiring to do more about my life than think more of how I'll appear to my colleagues. The work will speak for itself anyway.
Feel better soon! And if you need more advice or just clear it out, don't hesitate to talk to me. I'm here for you.1 -
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Thank you so much, everybody! You all are totally right and I don't know why I let myself get worked up like this. I know I should just take the high road, but sometimes it's hard. I'm trying to find something better. Being patient is not my strongest quality. 0
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Sure it's hard sometimes. That's why the support here and whomever else you can vent to is helpful. Sometimes it truly does help just to type it all out and get feedback from different perspectives.
Patience is not my strong suit either, so I hope you situation improves soon!0 -
Thank you I am very glad I have MFP 1
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So, after many conversations and plenty of tears (of frustration and disappointment mostly), I am feeling better. It's like my mind does sometimes try to rehash my co-worker's rudeness, but if I try to say where they are wrong or how I feel about their behavior, it will just make me look bad.
I am in a situation that I am trying to better and I feel a little worn down. I have to try to get back to focusing on my weight loss goals. I find that diverting my focus from things that I cannot change to something I have more control over, or something that makes me happy, can help me at times.
I haven't had much of an appetite lately, but my body doesn't lose weight very easily at all --- I keep fluctuating around 3-5 lbs., but when I track my weight, even though I am hovering around 1,500 calories usually, I only lose a couple of pounds per month if I am lucky.
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briegirl28 wrote: »So, after many conversations and plenty of tears (of frustration and disappointment mostly), I am feeling better. It's like my mind does sometimes try to rehash my co-worker's rudeness, but if I try to say where they are wrong or how I feel about their behavior, it will just make me look bad.
I am in a situation that I am trying to better and I feel a little worn down. I have to try to get back to focusing on my weight loss goals. I find that diverting my focus from things that I cannot change to something I have more control over, or something that makes me happy, can help me at times.
I haven't had much of an appetite lately, but my body doesn't lose weight very easily at all --- I keep fluctuating around 3-5 lbs., but when I track my weight, even though I am hovering around 1,500 calories usually, I only lose a couple of pounds per month if I am lucky.
My fitness coach says it is normal. I plateau'd around the same time as you are at 115lbs. If you are serious on this goal-setting, try joining my accountability group. We have a fun-loving community who supports and gets you by. You can message me about it and I'll send you the link.
You are right about focusing on other things. Good distractions will help. To me when it wasn't work, it would be my life & social projects. I like helping other people and enjoy it very much. It reduces the negativity I feel when I can exercise my compassion and kindness.
Hope you are well, you can message me anytime if it helps.
Best,
Iris0 -
Here's the group if you're interested: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/113922-the-olive-table-fitness-accountability-group0
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