Help I tend to run for comfort foods to feel better. Has any

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sweetassurance
sweetassurance Posts: 461
in Motivation and Support
Hi MFP friends, :flowerforyou:

Usually when I feel rejected by my husband or less then all the other skinny girls that he likes to pick up on, I tend to run for comfort food like sweets to help me cope with the feeling that no matter what I do or how bad I try or how sexy I dress up for him that I am not what he wants anymore. :cry:

However, I joined a week ago in hope to better myself and my health and as excited that I am of logging in my food and learning to eat healthier, :happy: But when I get these feelings of powerless and hopeless, and less then, I have a strong desire to eat all the comfort food that help me feel better.

Has anyone ever bee there or done that or has anyone ever battled with letting go of the foods that make them feel better? If so, will you what helped you overcome this bad habit?I will really appreciate all the help I can get in this area:flowerforyou:

Replies

  • sweetassurance
    sweetassurance Posts: 461
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    Hi MFP friends, :flowerforyou:

    Usually when I feel rejected by my husband or less then all the other skinny girls that he likes to pick up on, I tend to run for comfort food like sweets to help me cope with the feeling that no matter what I do or how bad I try or how sexy I dress up for him that I am not what he wants anymore. :cry:

    However, I joined a week ago in hope to better myself and my health and as excited that I am of logging in my food and learning to eat healthier, :happy: But when I get these feelings of powerless and hopeless, and less then, I have a strong desire to eat all the comfort food that help me feel better.

    Has anyone ever bee there or done that or has anyone ever battled with letting go of the foods that make them feel better? If so, will you what helped you overcome this bad habit?I will really appreciate all the help I can get in this area:flowerforyou:
  • Alisha28
    Alisha28 Posts: 406 Member
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    Hope you do not take this the wrong way but maybe its him you need to ditch. A man should never try and pick up women or give other women attention when hes married (and in front of you what the hell). You need to rethink that and then you can stop the comfort foods deal with the bigger issue and the little ones will fall into place.


    Alisha
  • michelle0920
    michelle0920 Posts: 32
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    Yeah - what she said!
  • Summarain
    Summarain Posts: 145
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    Hello Sweet,

    1 quick question...how much does your husband weigh?

    Anyway, my weakness is not sweets, but chips! Its hard for me to not go snack crazy as well.....especially when I'm alone, I just want to eat, eat,eat...then I feel guilty about doing it and say to myself "i'll do better tomorrow".

    My suggestion to you is to put those sweets down and remember what your goal is.....keep reminding yourself why you want to lose weight. If its because you want to make your husband drool or walk in front of him in a sexy outfit and not let him touch you (torture thoughts are very pleasing!) or whatever it may be....just remember though (i read this on another thread) that you are to eat to fuel your body, not to comfort it. I know it sux and its easier said then done...trust me, I KNOW! But when you have gone the day w/out giving in to temptation you can really feel proud and it will give you the confidence you need to move on to the next day. Take it one day at a time...

    My motto is lately, take it 2 hours at a time...I find myself feeling like I want to eat anything every 2 hours while i'm @ work...work is boring sometimes so it gives me lots of time to think about FOOD!

    If its @ home when you are weak then I suggest you start cleaning or leave the house...go do something, go drive to the park or to a friend's house...find something else to do to pass the time, and before you know it, its dinner time (TIME TO EAT AGAIN!) and then a small snack (depending on what time you eat dinner) and then lots of water, and off to bed! if you feel yourself wanting late snacks just drink some water, watch a show on t.v. or whatever and then GO TO SLEEP! dont let your tooshie escape that bed! then you will wake up feeling much better that you have overcome your temptations for another day!

    Stick to it! What have you got to lose??? WEIGHT! What have you got to gain? CONFIDENCE!
  • keiko
    keiko Posts: 2,919 Member
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    I think most of us have gone to food to make us feel better. Some positive self talk might start you on the road of knowing that you as a person are of value. You are worth taking care of and becoming not only a skinny person but a healthy person.

    I know his words hurt and actions hurt you. I know he's your husband but that does not give him the right to treat you like dirt. The more he does this the more you will start believing that you are not worth anything.

    If counseling is not an option for both of you I suggest you see someone on your own. It's not just a matter of turning to food. It's about how you are feeling about yourself.
  • ivykivy
    ivykivy Posts: 2,970 Member
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    Until such a time as you are ready to confront the issue, you just have to find a healthier outlet. Try some Taebo, kickboxing to release your frustrations. Also it helps to find someone you can talk to about your feelings- a counselor (religious or otherwise).
  • tennetubbie
    tennetubbie Posts: 312 Member
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    definition of abuse
    physical
    verbal
    emotional.
    financial
    withholding of affection
    demeaning

    check all that apply
    your husband sound like my EX

    You are supposed to be life partners and be stronger TOGETHER. Does he belittle other people too?

    I like Dave BArry's comment in one of his columns

    "If a person is nice to you but is not nice to the waiter that person is NOT A NICE PERSON, LISTEN CAREFULLY!! THIS RULE IS NEVER WRONG"
  • sunflower8926
    sunflower8926 Posts: 485 Member
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    Hi SA,

    Sorry to hear you are having to deal with this. One of the most important things to commit to memory is that people treat you the way that you "expect" them to.

    And by "expect", I mean, you tell people how to treat you in a million ways - Do you put yourself down? Do you make comments about yourself that put you in a bad light? Even if you don't do that, which I think a lot of us do, you can permit verbal abuse just by putting up with it. You don't have to fight, or yell, but when hubby, or anyone else, makes a degrading comment, challenge it. Don't let him (or anyone else) get away with putting you down. I know it is hard, but we have to start to love ourselves and treat ourselves with respect in order to get that from others. It will come, give it time...:heart:
  • sweetassurance
    sweetassurance Posts: 461
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    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: Alisha, and Michelle, I did not take it the wrong way. Eliminating the big issues first is a great idea but I am a Christian and 14 years of marriage is not easy to let go of. I wish it was though.

    :flowerforyou: Summarain, He weights only 184 I weight 185 but because of my big tootsie I look much fatter then him. Anyways, you have a lot of excellent ideas I will take them into account. I do not really have friends in this area the one I had betrayed my confidence with my husband as he tried to get in her pants. So I spend most of my time with my kids or at school. I will try not to let my tootsie out of bed.


    :flowerforyou: Kieko, thank you for you encouragement. And I agree I need to start learning my value and not allow what my husband does to make me feel the way I feel and run to food.

    :flowerforyou: Ivykivy, I have confronted it with him but he is a compulsive liar. I don’t like to be little him but I had to open up because I need help. I am not strong enough to let go but maybe once I start seeing a difference in my body and in my health things will change.

    :flowerforyou: Tennetubbie, you described my husband … he does not get physical because ever since I gained weight I am not easy to get down but he gets pretty close so I have found it better to leave the room when he gets aggressive or just not to say anything to him about I catch him doing.

    :flowerforyou: Sunflower, I never thought about it in this way but I tell you what I do not let him see the way that I feel. I act like I am all that and more in from of him but in love but the truth is and God knows the inside of me is dying. That is why I joined I need to learn to live for myself and my children.:smile:
  • SoupNazi
    SoupNazi Posts: 4,229 Member
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    Without prying into your personal life and letting you handle that.........there are many comfort foods I turn to but have learned to make them healthier. I learned by trial and error. Look on the many websites and recipes posted here that will give you healthy modified versions of your favorite comfort foods.

    Trust me....they are out there.:flowerforyou:

    Good luck with things and honey....do this for yourself okay?

    Men are easily replaced.
  • AmyNVegas
    AmyNVegas Posts: 2,215 Member
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    Sorry he's being a buttwipe :frown: but to answer your question mine is refined carbs in any form. Can't get enough when I am stressed or pissed or upset about something. A long time back about 10 years ago my mom called me and told me my grandmother was in the hospital that she had had another heart attack. As I called my other sister to let her know, I automatically reached into a box of donut holes I bought from one of my students' fundraisers. I was sitting there on my 3rd or 4th just stuffing them in before I realized what I was doing. That was when I realized how bad an emotional eater I was and started dealing with it. <<HUGS>>:heart:

    Amy:bigsmile:
    118984.png
    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Food Diary
  • Summarain
    Summarain Posts: 145
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    So by the looks of it, it seems like you have about 184 that you need you lose....:angry:
  • Hannah_Banana
    Hannah_Banana Posts: 1,242 Member
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    So by the looks of it, it seems like you have about 184 that you need you lose....:angry:

    EXACTLY what I was thinking. :mad:
  • age1389
    age1389 Posts: 1,160 Member
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    Sweet I just need to tell you that God does not want us to suffer. I know about how divorce is bad and all that but we are all of Gods children and he wants his children to be happy.
    Just think about it this way if your child was in a abusive relationship would you tell them to stay because of God? God will not punish you for taking caring of yourself and your children.
    I know this is a tough decision but I want it to be your decision on wether you stay or leave not because of religon:flowerforyou:
    I hope I didn't cross the line but I just care and want you to be happy:brokenheart: You deserve better:heart:



    -Adrienne:heart:
  • sweetassurance
    sweetassurance Posts: 461
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    Sweet I just need to tell you that God does not want us to suffer. I know about how divorce is bad and all that but we are all of Gods children and he wants his children to be happy.
    Just think about it this way if your child was in a abusive relationship would you tell them to stay because of God? God will not punish you for taking caring of yourself and your children.
    I know this is a tough decision but I want it to be your decision on wether you stay or leave not because of religon:flowerforyou:
    I hope I didn't cross the line but I just care and want you to be happy:brokenheart: You deserve better:heart:



    -Adrienne:heart:


    Thank you :flowerforyou:
  • heal4444
    heal4444 Posts: 709
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    Dear Sweetassurance,


    I totally agree with all everyone said above.

    In addition,

    Who of us here have not reached for comfort foods to fill a void? Done that many times. Forgive yourself. Try some better strategies of coping. Yoga, meditation, walks outside, slow abdominal breaths.

    You deserve to be happy. Just happy. Not happy for anyone else. Not your husband. Not your kids. You are worth it. You are worth it. You are worth every ounce of happiness on this earth.

    DO NOT go for weight loss, a leaner body to get his love back. It is not for him you should do all this for. It is for you.

    I mean, if you think his love is conditional on the fact that you'll be slim. Wait till you're slim, then, you'll think he'll love you only when your hair is shinier, straighter, when you have less wrinkles on your face, when you dress like this or like that. I mean, where does the list end?? No where.

    He has to love you for you. And you have to love you for you.

    Love you for you. Right now, don't delay your love for yourself. Do not put off loving yourself when you are 1 lb lighter, 5 lbs ligher, 10, 50 lbs lighter. Love yourself right now.

    As to your relationship with your husband, I can only ask you a question:

    Are you happy and in love and in a loving, growing, nuturing relationship?

    If not, then, why are you there?

    Relationships are the most challenging part of life. I read a really good book once. It helped me many times in my life with all the times my heart was broken by my boyfriends. The name of the book is

    Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours
    Author: Daphne Rose Kingma

    The last chapter of the book gives the reader many questions as to figure out if their relationship is truly ending or in need of more work. It's called the CODA chapter.

    Hope this helps. None of the smileys can convey my empathy to you. With Valentine's' Day coming up, it must be a hard time for you. All I can say is remember to love yourself no matter what. I wish you for you much more than healing your broken heart. I wish for you much love for yourself and most important of all, insight. Take very good care.

    Heal4444

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