I'M BACK! But first, some confessions....

Hey MFPers!

So I'm not new to this site at all. In fact, MFP helped me lose 25 lbs so far towards my ultimate goal of 40-45lbs lost! However, I took a little break from the site because my obsession, for lack of a better word, was spirally out of control. I feel like the only way I can continue losing those last 15 lbs is to just lay everything out there and at least be honest with everyone on this site because I know you will all understand.

My mom had a history of anorexia, because she was obese in high school, and decided that it was her only way out. She was consistently on my about my weight, which really made me eat more because I figured, "Well, if my mom thinks I'm fat, then I'll just be fat." At my heaviest, I was 5'7" and weighed 185lbs. Not exactly ideal for an 18 year old just finishing her first year of college. So, when I made the decision on my own to shed the pounds, I was determined not to follow the same path as my mom. I started out doing everything by the book, exercising and eating the appropriate number of calories. And I started seeing fantastic results. I was completely in shock that the number on the scale kept going down.

Unfortunately, that didn't last very long. I started eating less and working out more, figuring that it would make my weight loss faster. I began hitting plateaus and not seeing the rapid results I thought I should be, strictly because I'm a stubborn now 20 year old. So, I turned to diet pills. I began taking them in hopes of getting rid of that plateau, and I did. Then came the water pills. My roommate tool them sometimes during her time of the month to feel less bloated. And, as it always happens, that roommate is a gorgeous, half-Korean former model (who I adore and is not at all egotistical), as well as my biggest supporter in this weight loss journey. It got to the point where I was eating very little, and counting calories was taking over my life. I was tired, crabby, and not a nice person, which I usually am.

Then, one day, I just had an epiphany. If I continued the road I was going down, I was going to have an eating disorder like my mother, and my cousin, and a few of my friends. Thankfully I knew that wasn't something I wanted, so I cut myself off from this site, and tried to see if I could keep up the healthy eating on my own, without counting calories, and maintain my weight. I'm proud to say that I have so far, and I'm actually 3 lbs down from the plateau of 160lbs at 157lbs.

So, with all that said, and since I'm home for the summer, it's time for me to come back on MFP and continue what I started. I'm starting the 30 Day Shred (again) today, and doing it all 30 Days this time, measurements and all. Hopefully I'll be down those last, PESKY, 15lbs before school starts in September, but if I'm not, I'll be fine because I've been insanely patient with this weight loss, as it took me close to 7 or 8 months to lose 25 lbs (I'm still a kid and still love the occasional slice of pizza haha).

Sorry this is so long, but this is a huge purge of mild guilt for me that I feel like I needed to honestly continue with this journey. Feel free to add me as a friend, and we can support each other throughout all of this together again! And to all of my MFP friends who might be reading this, thanks for all your help so far It truly means the world to me.

All my love and support,
Marissa