Back, in need of support

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JoLeeFA
JoLeeFA Posts: 211 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Hey,

I am not new to mfp, but I am newly back.

Last year, I worked my butt off (literally) from May to October and lost 40 pounds. I was watching my diet and exercising 4-6 times per week. Then someone at work took a picture of me and emailed it to me. Her hope was to help me see how far I had come. When I opened the picture on my computer, I thoughts went like this, "How strange, why would she email me a picture of someone I don't know. Wait, this lady has a shirt like mine. HOLY CRAP, that's me!" I didn't know it at the time, but that is the day that my zesto for controlling my weight flew out the window. WHY? Because I don't know how to NOT be fat!

Is that just the craziest thing you have ever read??? I want to loose weight. I want to be healthy. I want to be able to live to see my children have children... BUT, I don't know how to be NOT fat. To make a long story short, I quit exercising and watching my diet. I not only gained back those 40 pounds, but also gained an extra 3 - - just for a kick in the teeth!

So I am back, in need of support. My goal is to get to 150 pounds. That is 125 pounds from where I am now. That seems too big to even talk about! I am trying to learn to take one day at a time and not worry about the "big picture" just yet.

How do you mentally get to a point where the size of the goal doesn't freak you out? Have any of you lost a large amount of weight and had to deal with self image issues? If so, how did you deal with it?

Thanks for your support,
Jo

Replies

  • Epolstyle80
    Epolstyle80 Posts: 13 Member
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    good to see you back here then love! I understand this story to a TEE!!!! We are all here for you and each other!
  • Kelly_Wilson1990
    Kelly_Wilson1990 Posts: 3,245 Member
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    Welcome back!! You can do it!
  • Frozenmango
    Frozenmango Posts: 207 Member
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    Well, welcome back! Glad you decided to dust yourself off and get back on the horse!

    I can't tell you that I know exactly what you've been through, but I do understand that there is definitely a need to get your mental and emotional state to a good place when you're losing weight and becoming healthy in order for it to stick.

    You said that you're not sure how not to be fat, but I would ask.... What is it that you're trying to hide/deal with? Something about that picture triggered in you the same reasons that you've been eating/gaining the way you have in the past. What is that? Is it a negative self image? What about the slimmer, healthier you scares you? I'm no shrink, but it does seem like there's something there, whether it's a feeling, a perception, maybe unwanted attention etc that's keeping you from wanting to keep on that journey.

    If you can get to the root of that and start working on it as you work on your better, healthier lifestyle, not only will you lose that weight, but you'll never go back to those negative behaviours again!

    We're all here rooting for you - make sure you root for yourself too!
  • warren75
    warren75 Posts: 4
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    You are one of many, so don't beat yourself up over it. I've lost and gained maybe about three times, but now I have a made up mind. I am so proud of myself now! I'm proud of myself because I have the mind to defeat this no matter how many times I've fallen off; I'm going to get back on. No matter who says, "You're gonna be just like your mom." I'm not dedicated to proving anything to those people, I've decided to prove it to myself.

    Although you've fallen, you can get up again!~Much effort is far greater than no effort!
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
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    Aww.. it isnt any different... except you feel happier when you look in the mirror and maybe have more confidence. My highest weight was 215lb at nine months pregnant. And it was hard seeing how far i need to go but i slowly did it. Just set little goals for yourself and for me it isnt all about vanity. i want to run, i want to be strong, I want to surpass many sporting things that i gave up on when i was larger and thought that part of my life was over. Every single day is a new one, thinking that way makes me have hope. I used to be one of those people that waited for something to happen and not live but now i wan to live. :)

    Good luck you can do this!
  • freeatlast2012
    freeatlast2012 Posts: 2
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    Hey congrats on starting I am there too.....lets check in on each other!
  • spirit05
    spirit05 Posts: 204 Member
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    I can empathize with you. I too have been sabotaged by my own success in the past. Once I even broke 200! Everyone has their own 'demons' to deal with emotionally, mine was that I had become 'comfortably numb' being invisible. Unfortunately I zoomed over 300 before coming to that realization, now I am in a much better place mentally and I am ready to reclaim my life! It takes time, and MFP offers a wonderful support system, especially if you don't have one at home.
  • JoLeeFA
    JoLeeFA Posts: 211 Member
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    Frozenmango,

    You already know, that you have hit the nail on the head.

    For so long, I have used my size to help identify myself as one of those "tough girls". And YES, it absolutely stems from a past of abuse - in several forms. Being tough protected me from so much.

    As an adult, I can shed the need of size to be tough... I just have to get my heart to that same point!
  • Frozenmango
    Frozenmango Posts: 207 Member
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    Frozenmango,

    You already know, that you have hit the nail on the head.

    For so long, I have used my size to help identify myself as one of those "tough girls". And YES, it absolutely stems from a past of abuse - in several forms. Being tough protected me from so much.

    As an adult, I can shed the need of size to be tough... I just have to get my heart to that same point!

    Well you can certainly still be tough - toughness comes from inside and it takes strength and toughness to get real about your eating and exercise habits and turn your life around. You're on the right path. My only completely non-professional advice would be to do your best to deal with those "demons" that make you reach for those cookies or chips or tell you it's not worth it, and whenever those negative thoughts come your way, remind yourself that you ARE strong, and you don't need food to prove it :)

    You're gonna rock it girl, you'll see! :)

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