Laughter and burning calories
Hey peeps! Some people are just too serious about this weight loss so I thought I would share some funny quips and quotes to make you laugh---
Funny Weight Loss Tips & Quotes
Laughing burns off calories so everyone needs a giggle.... some more than others.
Don't Eat That!
Forget Liposuction - Try Lip Obstruction!
Eat your food while staring into a mirror.... totally naked!
Carry Large Helium Balloons
When eating donuts - only eat the center part.
Weigh yourself with only one foot on the scale.
Keep a pit bull in the kitchen
Use Parental Block for the Food Network on your TV - Eat PIN Number/Password.
Eat your food with one chopstick
LMAO is a great way to reduce weight in the hindquarters.
Don't eat your evening meal before breakfast
Ladies - Drop 5 lbs. Instantly! Let go of your purse.
Instead of carrying your laptop around - start carrying your desktop PC.
Attach Full-Length Mirror to your Refrigerator Door.
Hang your bikini on the refrigerator.... definitely don't do that if you are a guy.
Remove wheels from your grocery cart.
When weighing yourself on the scale - try to defy gravity.
Use Superglue As Lip Gloss
Only eat food that you can catch & kill with a toothpick
Don't burn off fat with a candle.... a blow torch will work quicker.
Like the silent tree falling in the forest.... food actually has no calories if no one sees you eating it
Cut back on your food intake if you weigh more than your refrigerator.
50 Lb. Cellphones
Do 600 Tweets per hour. Move over 6 pack abs.... 6 pack fingers is the new rage (Note - Only Twitter users may get that one)
Unfollow some calories (another Twitter-related one that may go over your head)
If you can't pronounce the ingredients.... you probably shouldn't eat it.
Swap dinner dishes with your pet - Kibbles n' Bits & Little Friskies make great appetite suppressants.
Eat that prime rib roast with a straw
Set a goal to lose as much weight as your stock portfolio has done in the last year.
Running to the refrigerator is not considered exercise.
Running to the refrigerator is not considered exercise.... unless it is a moving refrigerated truck.
You know you're overweight when your computer tells you that your @ is too big.
If you work at home.... walking to work should not be considered as daily exercise.
Exercise or Exorcism - both are designed to beat the hell out of you!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2559150
Funny Weight Loss Tips & Quotes
Laughing burns off calories so everyone needs a giggle.... some more than others.
Don't Eat That!
Forget Liposuction - Try Lip Obstruction!
Eat your food while staring into a mirror.... totally naked!
Carry Large Helium Balloons
When eating donuts - only eat the center part.
Weigh yourself with only one foot on the scale.
Keep a pit bull in the kitchen
Use Parental Block for the Food Network on your TV - Eat PIN Number/Password.
Eat your food with one chopstick
LMAO is a great way to reduce weight in the hindquarters.
Don't eat your evening meal before breakfast
Ladies - Drop 5 lbs. Instantly! Let go of your purse.
Instead of carrying your laptop around - start carrying your desktop PC.
Attach Full-Length Mirror to your Refrigerator Door.
Hang your bikini on the refrigerator.... definitely don't do that if you are a guy.
Remove wheels from your grocery cart.
When weighing yourself on the scale - try to defy gravity.
Use Superglue As Lip Gloss
Only eat food that you can catch & kill with a toothpick
Don't burn off fat with a candle.... a blow torch will work quicker.
Like the silent tree falling in the forest.... food actually has no calories if no one sees you eating it
Cut back on your food intake if you weigh more than your refrigerator.
50 Lb. Cellphones
Do 600 Tweets per hour. Move over 6 pack abs.... 6 pack fingers is the new rage (Note - Only Twitter users may get that one)
Unfollow some calories (another Twitter-related one that may go over your head)
If you can't pronounce the ingredients.... you probably shouldn't eat it.
Swap dinner dishes with your pet - Kibbles n' Bits & Little Friskies make great appetite suppressants.
Eat that prime rib roast with a straw
Set a goal to lose as much weight as your stock portfolio has done in the last year.
Running to the refrigerator is not considered exercise.
Running to the refrigerator is not considered exercise.... unless it is a moving refrigerated truck.
You know you're overweight when your computer tells you that your @ is too big.
If you work at home.... walking to work should not be considered as daily exercise.
Exercise or Exorcism - both are designed to beat the hell out of you!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2559150
0
Replies
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The 23rd Pound
My appetite is my shepherd, I always want. It maketh me to sit down and stuff myself. It leadeth me to my refrigerator repeatedly. It leadeth me in the path of Burger King for a double Whopper with fries and a large Coke. It certainly destroyeth my shape Yea though I knoweth I gaineth I will not stop eating. For the food tasteth so good.
Surely, Ice Cream and Cookies comforteth me.
When the table is spread before me,
It exciteth me,
For I knoweth that soon I shall Dig in.
As I filleth my plate continuously
my clothes runneth smaller.
Surely bulges and excess weight
shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in
all you can eat buffet houses forever!
Amen0 -
Hahahaha thats great man.0
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Love it!0
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hahaha this is awesome!0
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I am glad at least a few people liked it.0
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Mirror, mirror
on the wall
Do you have to tell it all?
Where do you get the glaring right
To make my clothes look just too tight?
I think I'm fine but I can see
you won't cooperate with me;
The way you let the shadows play
You'd think my hair was getting gray
What's that, you say? A double chin?
No, that's the way the light comes in;
If you persist in peering so
You'll confiscate my facial glow,
And then if you're not hanging straight
You'll tell me next I'm gaining weight;
I'm really quite upset with you
For giving this distorted view;
I hate you being smug and wise -
O, look what's happened to my thighs!
I warn you now, O mirrored wall,
Since we're not on speaking terms at all,
If I look like this in my new jeans
You'll find yourself in smithereens!0
This discussion has been closed.
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