Laughter and burning calories

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BigBeaver
BigBeaver Posts: 858 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hey peeps! Some people are just too serious about this weight loss so I thought I would share some funny quips and quotes to make you laugh---



Funny Weight Loss Tips & Quotes

Laughing burns off calories so everyone needs a giggle.... some more than others.

Don't Eat That!

Forget Liposuction - Try Lip Obstruction!

Eat your food while staring into a mirror.... totally naked!

Carry Large Helium Balloons

When eating donuts - only eat the center part.

Weigh yourself with only one foot on the scale.

Keep a pit bull in the kitchen

Use Parental Block for the Food Network on your TV - Eat PIN Number/Password.

Eat your food with one chopstick

LMAO is a great way to reduce weight in the hindquarters.

Don't eat your evening meal before breakfast

Ladies - Drop 5 lbs. Instantly! Let go of your purse.

Instead of carrying your laptop around - start carrying your desktop PC.

Attach Full-Length Mirror to your Refrigerator Door.

Hang your bikini on the refrigerator.... definitely don't do that if you are a guy.

Remove wheels from your grocery cart.

When weighing yourself on the scale - try to defy gravity.

Use Superglue As Lip Gloss

Only eat food that you can catch & kill with a toothpick

Don't burn off fat with a candle.... a blow torch will work quicker.

Like the silent tree falling in the forest.... food actually has no calories if no one sees you eating it

Cut back on your food intake if you weigh more than your refrigerator.

50 Lb. Cellphones

Do 600 Tweets per hour. Move over 6 pack abs.... 6 pack fingers is the new rage (Note - Only Twitter users may get that one)

Unfollow some calories (another Twitter-related one that may go over your head)

If you can't pronounce the ingredients.... you probably shouldn't eat it.

Swap dinner dishes with your pet - Kibbles n' Bits & Little Friskies make great appetite suppressants.

Eat that prime rib roast with a straw

Set a goal to lose as much weight as your stock portfolio has done in the last year.

Running to the refrigerator is not considered exercise.

Running to the refrigerator is not considered exercise.... unless it is a moving refrigerated truck.

You know you're overweight when your computer tells you that your @ is too big.

If you work at home.... walking to work should not be considered as daily exercise.

Exercise or Exorcism - both are designed to beat the hell out of you!



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2559150

Replies

  • BigBeaver
    BigBeaver Posts: 858 Member
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    The 23rd Pound
    My appetite is my shepherd, I always want. It maketh me to sit down and stuff myself. It leadeth me to my refrigerator repeatedly. It leadeth me in the path of Burger King for a double Whopper with fries and a large Coke. It certainly destroyeth my shape Yea though I knoweth I gaineth I will not stop eating. For the food tasteth so good.
    Surely, Ice Cream and Cookies comforteth me.
    When the table is spread before me,
    It exciteth me,
    For I knoweth that soon I shall Dig in.
    As I filleth my plate continuously
    my clothes runneth smaller.
    Surely bulges and excess weight
    shall follow me
    all the days of my life,
    and I will dwell in
    all you can eat buffet houses forever!
    Amen
  • Avalonis
    Avalonis Posts: 1,540 Member
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    Hahahaha thats great man.
  • NWfluffy
    NWfluffy Posts: 48 Member
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    Love it!
  • kimmerroze
    kimmerroze Posts: 1,330 Member
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    hahaha this is awesome!
  • BigBeaver
    BigBeaver Posts: 858 Member
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    I am glad at least a few people liked it.
  • BigBeaver
    BigBeaver Posts: 858 Member
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    Mirror, mirror
    on the wall
    Do you have to tell it all?
    Where do you get the glaring right
    To make my clothes look just too tight?
    I think I'm fine but I can see
    you won't cooperate with me;
    The way you let the shadows play
    You'd think my hair was getting gray
    What's that, you say? A double chin?
    No, that's the way the light comes in;
    If you persist in peering so
    You'll confiscate my facial glow,
    And then if you're not hanging straight
    You'll tell me next I'm gaining weight;
    I'm really quite upset with you
    For giving this distorted view;
    I hate you being smug and wise -
    O, look what's happened to my thighs!
    I warn you now, O mirrored wall,
    Since we're not on speaking terms at all,
    If I look like this in my new jeans
    You'll find yourself in smithereens!

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