Lose weight, lose friends :-(

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djoujou
djoujou Posts: 3 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi guys!

First message for me, big problem...

the most difficult part in this journey for me it's the people.

I am French and ALL my friends (so do I) love wine, cheese and bread... seems legit (it's not even a joke lmao).

Since I lost over 20 pounds, I am obsessed with the fear to gain that weight back (I still have 10 pounds to lose) and the more I am in this journey to get my life back with healthy habits, the more my friends think I am annoying... I often refuse restaurants, wine bars ect. because I don't want to ruin all my efforts. I mean, having one cheat day/meal is ok but if I have to follow my friends, I will have 7 cheat day per week! I cannot be the same person anymore (eating carelessly, drinking and sleeping late) but at the same time none of my friends understand me... I am afraid to be that "annoying" person but I am more afraid to get back to my old weight. Who else experienced this? How to lose weight without losing your social life?

Thank you guys for your return,
Djoujou
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Replies

  • amyn73
    amyn73 Posts: 241 Member
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    I eat low carb so I feel your pain. Every meal is a constant problem to solve and my family gets annoyed with me. I haven't lost friends but I know that any time you improve yourself, you run the risk of outgrowing the people around you. Here's my suggestion, find ways to go out but not eat or drink things that jeapordize your healthy eating. Order a fruit plate, have a single glass of wine. Go out and enjoy your life but don't sabatage your success.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    Can you go and just eat smaller portions?
  • FindingLiz016
    FindingLiz016 Posts: 79 Member
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    I agree enjoy your life,your new found health☺ Go out but be smart!!! Order a salad,grill chicken,fruit,veggies and if you do cheat only eat half and drink tons of water
  • FindingLiz016
    FindingLiz016 Posts: 79 Member
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    Where there is a will,there is a way enjoy your life☺
  • NaturalNancy
    NaturalNancy Posts: 1,093 Member
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    Focus on what YOU want.. Real friends will be supportive and happy for you and want you to feel good about yourself, if they aren't willing to accept it then goodbye to them.
    If you can fit the calories in and want to enjoy yourself then do it!

    I know people that would purposely try to sabotage my weight loss efforts by bringing me cookies and stuff or say negative things to me.

    I'd be that "annoying" friend that says no to over doing the eating and drinking if my choices make me happy.

    You don't owe anyone anything. Take care of your needs and do what you want to achieve your goals :-)
  • BrandiCain91
    BrandiCain91 Posts: 1 Member
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    Still go out, but drink more water. Try to get in two cups before you eat, 1-2 cups while you're eating, and a cup after. And when you choose your meal, look at the healthy choices first. And it's ok to have a glass of wine, just make sure you take into consideration the calorie count. You're the one making the changes, not them, so just put a little more effort into being creative and flexible without compromising your diet
  • kimdawnhayden
    kimdawnhayden Posts: 298 Member
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    You may also gain like minded friends who like to work out and eat healthy. I did when I joined a gym. Good luck!
  • sequimtrim
    sequimtrim Posts: 42 Member
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    I hope you can socialize with them without ordering with them. If you can eat your own food before you meet them, it would help with temptation. Find other stuff to do with them too, wean them from the bars to the open air. Take a hike, go to the movies, play tennis, etc.
  • scottkjar
    scottkjar Posts: 346 Member
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    I got 2 new roommates about a year ago. At first, I took them out to eat a few times to introduce them to places in the area. However, I had to stop that after a few weeks because I was putting weight back on. Almost as soon as I stopped going out to eat with them, the entire dynamic in the house changed. Now one roommate hates my guts, but can't even remember that it all started because I quit going out to eat with them. I was supportive to my roommates when they were going through tough financial times, but they are not equally supportive of me going through tough caloric times.
  • djoujou
    djoujou Posts: 3 Member
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    Thank you for your comments and sharing your experiences and advices with me.
    I am going to the countryside with some friends today (till monday), I hope I will have this willpower! I will use the water technique (before, during, after my meal). I even proposed to cook for the weekend! Everyone said ok and had been supportive, it's a way for me to share my "new" life and secretly control my macro ahahahah.
    I will get back to you, to tell you how it goes.
    Finger crossed!
  • djoujou
    djoujou Posts: 3 Member
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    Oh and talking about this subject, I don't know if you guys experienced this: there is always a type of person (it can be a friend or member of your family) who oddly doesn't seem happy for you. I mean, when I try to make healthy choices at the restaurant, order a bottle of water at the cinema instead of a box of pop corn, order just one glass of wine and not half the bottle (you get the idea), this very friend will immediately notice it and make a comment such as "Oh! you are not funny with your salad", "you think one bottle of wine will ruin everything? smh!", "you are doing too much! It's annoying"...

    I have this type of person... And I am sad to say this person is one of my best friend... He always minimize my problems and is not supportive! Laughing when I say I gain 2 pounds, proposing me wine for dinner every 10 minutes even when I keep saying no! (I now have a technique: I take the glass of wine and I keep the same glass for the whole night but I am pissed to go that far to be in peace)
    I don't know if I can say this friend tries to sabotage me or wants me to gain weight, but he does not understand the effort I am doing! Sometimes he acts as if my choices can affect his life!!!! I mean, why in hell is it annoying for you that I want to drink water instead of wine??

    I want to say something but I am afraid to be hurtful. I don't want these small comments become a big issue... So how can I tell him to shut up in an intelligent way ahahah?
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
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    I live in Italy where food is also social. You, however, said it yourself--you are obsessing about going out. You need a plan. Where is the famous fruit plate with brie? You have to organize yourself. Say that you just don't feel hungry tonight, so you'll just order a little something. You have to change, because they are the same as usual (rightly so). Order salad, something small, and eat very slowly to make it last. Do not talk about your new eating style, be gay, chattery, just be your old self in every other respect. If they offer you more or try to force something on you, just laugh and say that you're too full and maybe next time. People don't like changes in the statis quo. It's your job to make those changes minimal if you want to keep their friendships.
  • erzsebetba
    erzsebetba Posts: 5 Member
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    Hey :) I'm from the south, too. Living in a northern country now. The food is heavy and I gained some weight because of the change. Anyway, some of my friends are like yours - I tell them it's my day on salads, they offer me the heaviest dish you can imagine; I tell them I have to save money, they insist I go shopping with them! I don't drink, but they pour me a glass. I follow your way - I keep the full glass all evening, order water and the lightest food when I'm not hungry, I almost never drink. If I notice my friends getting annoyed by my choices, I offer them to try my salad :))) And try not to argue with them - they got used after some time. Congratulations on doing so great! You will achieve what you want, just keep being happy with yourself! If you are lacking your friend's support - tell them how important this is for you. Most probably you're looking good and they just don't realize the importance of the matter. Good luck!
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    djoujou wrote: »
    Oh and talking about this subject, I don't know if you guys experienced this: there is always a type of person (it can be a friend or member of your family) who oddly doesn't seem happy for you. I mean, when I try to make healthy choices at the restaurant, order a bottle of water at the cinema instead of a box of pop corn, order just one glass of wine and not half the bottle (you get the idea), this very friend will immediately notice it and make a comment such as "Oh! you are not funny with your salad", "you think one bottle of wine will ruin everything? smh!", "you are doing too much! It's annoying"...

    I have this type of person... And I am sad to say this person is one of my best friend... He always minimize my problems and is not supportive! Laughing when I say I gain 2 pounds, proposing me wine for dinner every 10 minutes even when I keep saying no! (I now have a technique: I take the glass of wine and I keep the same glass for the whole night but I am pissed to go that far to be in peace)
    I don't know if I can say this friend tries to sabotage me or wants me to gain weight, but he does not understand the effort I am doing! Sometimes he acts as if my choices can affect his life!!!! I mean, why in hell is it annoying for you that I want to drink water instead of wine??

    I want to say something but I am afraid to be hurtful. I don't want these small comments become a big issue... So how can I tell him to shut up in an intelligent way ahahah?

    Stopping talking about your weight loss and your water. Stop updating them about your plan. It is none of their business. Do what you want and ignore their comments.

    Most importantly, if they are your friends, they do want the best for you, so give them some time to adjust to the new you. <3
  • Scamd83
    Scamd83 Posts: 808 Member
    edited May 2016
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    djoujou wrote: »
    Hi guys!

    First message for me, big problem...

    the most difficult part in this journey for me it's the people.

    I am French and ALL my friends (so do I) love wine, cheese and bread... seems legit (it's not even a joke lmao).

    Since I lost over 20 pounds, I am obsessed with the fear to gain that weight back (I still have 10 pounds to lose) and the more I am in this journey to get my life back with healthy habits, the more my friends think I am annoying... I often refuse restaurants, wine bars ect. because I don't want to ruin all my efforts. I mean, having one cheat day/meal is ok but if I have to follow my friends, I will have 7 cheat day per week! I cannot be the same person anymore (eating carelessly, drinking and sleeping late) but at the same time none of my friends understand me... I am afraid to be that "annoying" person but I am more afraid to get back to my old weight. Who else experienced this? How to lose weight without losing your social life?

    Thank you guys for your return,
    Djoujou

    Okay, firstly - if you have a fair bit of weight to lose, 'cheat meals' should be limited and cheat days are pretty much overkill for anyone.

    Secondly, every article I've read on how French people eat (they greatly generalise) seems adamant that French portion sizes are smaller but more filling. Is this not the case? When you eat out (I assume you are eating out with friends?) do the restaurants not have small serving sizes as standard? Also one of the things French eating culture is supposedly well known for is not finishing meals and that this is considered perfectly acceptable? Is this actually the case? Because if so you could always eat what you think is appropriate and leave the rest. I'm taking pure guesses here based on overly generalised and idealistic internet words which aren't exactly a great source of accuracy.
  • 2011rocket3touring
    2011rocket3touring Posts: 1,346 Member
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    kimdawnhayden wrote: »
    You may also gain like minded friends who like to work out and eat healthy. I did when I joined a gym. Good luck!
    This^^^ it's important to cultivate new friends who support your lifestyle change.
  • ericknguyen108
    ericknguyen108 Posts: 1 Member
    Options
    djoujou wrote: »
    Oh and talking about this subject, I don't know if you guys experienced this: there is always a type of person (it can be a friend or member of your family) who oddly doesn't seem happy for you. I mean, when I try to make healthy choices at the restaurant, order a bottle of water at the cinema instead of a box of pop corn, order just one glass of wine and not half the bottle (you get the idea), this very friend will immediately notice it and make a comment such as "Oh! you are not funny with your salad", "you think one bottle of wine will ruin everything? smh!", "you are doing too much! It's annoying"...

    I have this type of person... And I am sad to say this person is one of my best friend... He always minimize my problems and is not supportive! Laughing when I say I gain 2 pounds, proposing me wine for dinner every 10 minutes even when I keep saying no! (I now have a technique: I take the glass of wine and I keep the same glass for the whole night but I am pissed to go that far to be in peace)
    I don't know if I can say this friend tries to sabotage me or wants me to gain weight, but he does not understand the effort I am doing! Sometimes he acts as if my choices can affect his life!!!! I mean, why in hell is it annoying for you that I want to drink water instead of wine??

    I want to say something but I am afraid to be hurtful. I don't want these small comments become a big issue... So how can I tell him to shut up in an intelligent way ahahah?

    Those people are usually insecure about changes they have to take on in their life so react negatively because if you don't succeed than they don't need to reflect and make good decisions for themselves!

    To continue eating socially what I try to do is underload my morning calories to have a high enough overload amount for dinner with friends. With so much calories to work with, it makes it a lot more easy to order food at restaurants and not make a big scene with everyone else.

    Hope that helps!
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
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    I would seriously have a heart to heart talk with them and tell them why you are on this journey and why their support would be helpful. tell them friends are supposed to support one another through good times and bad and no matter what. explain to them how you feel and that you feel like they are being supportive. ask them questions about how they feel too. then if they dont understand or dont want to support you its time to cut them loose.friends should be there no matter what. support is not a one sided street, if you were there for them and they cant be there for you then they arent friends.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    Scamd83 wrote: »
    djoujou wrote: »
    Hi guys!

    First message for me, big problem...

    the most difficult part in this journey for me it's the people.

    I am French and ALL my friends (so do I) love wine, cheese and bread... seems legit (it's not even a joke lmao).

    Since I lost over 20 pounds, I am obsessed with the fear to gain that weight back (I still have 10 pounds to lose) and the more I am in this journey to get my life back with healthy habits, the more my friends think I am annoying... I often refuse restaurants, wine bars ect. because I don't want to ruin all my efforts. I mean, having one cheat day/meal is ok but if I have to follow my friends, I will have 7 cheat day per week! I cannot be the same person anymore (eating carelessly, drinking and sleeping late) but at the same time none of my friends understand me... I am afraid to be that "annoying" person but I am more afraid to get back to my old weight. Who else experienced this? How to lose weight without losing your social life?

    Thank you guys for your return,
    Djoujou

    Okay, firstly - if you have a fair bit of weight to lose, 'cheat meals' should be limited and cheat days are pretty much overkill for anyone.

    Secondly, every article I've read on how French people eat (they greatly generalise) seems adamant that French portion sizes are smaller but more filling. Is this not the case? When you eat out (I assume you are eating out with friends?) do the restaurants not have small serving sizes as standard? Also one of the things French eating culture is supposedly well known for is not finishing meals and that this is considered perfectly acceptable? Is this actually the case? Because if so you could always eat what you think is appropriate and leave the rest. I'm taking pure guesses here based on overly generalised and idealistic internet words which aren't exactly a great source of accuracy.

    Don't believe everything you read on the Internet :p

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