Support from your partner
hdatres
Posts: 635 Member
Do you get/have have support from your partner, when it comes to your goals ,life style, diet, ect ?
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Yes but sometimes it is hard because this is something we planned to do together and he isn't taking it as seriously as I am. He still wants to eat out more and stuff which is fine on occasion but I can't continue with the lifestyle we were living. I think he is coming around a little bit more now that he see all of my hard work!1
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My husband (of 3 years) and I started going to the gym to be healthy and just have a hobby we enjoying doing together, but I caught a chest cold and couldn't go for a week. So his 23 year old son who is still at home, went with his dad ( my husband) to the gym so he would have someone to work out with. Now I'm feeling better and going to the gym also, but the atmosphere of it changed, it's more of a competition, like guys do. Because I have asthma and have had knee surgery, I can't keep up with what they can do. But I'm still trying my best. I feel kinda pushed out of the way. It's the only thing we had that we had in common. Now it's gone0
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DH and I have been doing this together for 29 days now lol. I actually weigh less than he does for the first time in 13 years. I have some medical problems that don't allow me right now to use a treadmill so I use the bike next to him and he uses the treadmill. He had a knee surgery 3 months ago and cannot do anything weight wise with his lower extremities for another 3 months except for what I will call assisted squats so I do the leg circuit and he does the squats. We both do the upper body circuit I will call it and switch our machines after each set then I go work on my squats and then he is introducing me to the free weights. We cook together and shop together and its nice. We have tried this a few times before but never were this committed or supportive of each other so something has finally clicked
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Do you get/have have support from your partner, when it comes to your goals ,life style, diet, ect ?
Yes. I feel supported in my goals, lifestyle, diet, etc by my partner.
Support from him means he says, "You are sexy and I love you no matter your weight. I want you to be happy with yourself and healthy. Good job."
It does not mean he:
encourages me to look different
complains, criticizes, nags about my appearance, cooking, eating or exercise habits
compares, monitors my eating, exercise, weight loss with his own or someone else's
instructs me how to lose weight, exercise, eat
does everything I do
We do not exercise together. He has different calorie needs and lost weight without logging anything or making much effort at all. I eat more vegetables.2 -
Yes and no my family knows how hard I'm trying to loose weight but they keep buying and stocking unhealthy foods and it is an awful temptation0
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My husband (of 3 years) and I started going to the gym to be healthy and just have a hobby we enjoying doing together, but I caught a chest cold and couldn't go for a week. So his 23 year old son who is still at home, went with his dad ( my husband) to the gym so he would have someone to work out with. Now I'm feeling better and going to the gym also, but the atmosphere of it changed, it's more of a competition, like guys do. Because I have asthma and have had knee surgery, I can't keep up with what they can do. But I'm still trying my best. I feel kinda pushed out of the way. It's the only thing we had that we had in common. Now it's gone
Have you said all this to your husband? If not, then you should tell him what the shared gym time meant to you and your marriage and how it feels now that he is doing it with his son. He may not have viewed going to the gym as being a time of bonding like you did.
You might need to find a different shared hobby beyond the gym because it sounds like you are at really different levels with different physical needs there. What did you have in common or do together 3 years ago? What are your current interests?0 -
I don't get why people have to be negative. Quoting people and pointing out what's wrong with what they say is NOT supportive. Give em' a break!
As for the topic of this thread, my husband is very supportive. Like some others have said, he does not comment either way about my weight. He also is working out with me and has lost almost 20 pounds. It helps tremendously to have someone to talk to about healthy eating and a healthier lifestyle. We are in it for the long-run and are both committed to being healthier versions of ourselves.1 -
my husband is very supportive of anything i want to do, and he's been supportive of me working to lose weight and get fit again. since he's never been overweight, and has always been very fit, he could have not gotten it, but he does. i feel very lucky, and i try to be equally as supportive of him.0
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Yes and no my family knows how hard I'm trying to loose weight but they keep buying and stocking unhealthy foods and it is an awful temptation
While I was losing weight I did all the grocery shopping. I continued to buy frozen lasagna and pizza, hot dogs, cookies, and ice cream because my husband likes to eat them. If I wanted a piece of lasagna I'd cut a slice, weigh and log it, then enjoy it. I didn't care to eat the other things I bought mainly for him.
I bought things for me that I enjoyed eating too like Triscuit and Crunchmaster crackers, smoked salmon, tuna, cube steaks, Klondike bars, etc. If he wanted some of my food, I'd share anything except the Klondike bars. They were my treat!
He's been supportive and I can talk calories, nutrition, and exercise with him. If I ask him whether I'm being too obsessive he says that you have to be that way to accomplish a really hard goal. He's not on the journey that I am but he's still supportive, especially when he says that I was always beautiful but am now even more awesome!
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I don't get why people have to be negative. Quoting people and pointing out what's wrong with what they say is NOT supportive. Give em' a break!
As for the topic of this thread, my husband is very supportive. Like some others have said, he does not comment either way about my weight. He also is working out with me and has lost almost 20 pounds. It helps tremendously to have someone to talk to about healthy eating and a healthier lifestyle. We are in it for the long-run and are both committed to being healthier versions of ourselves.
I assume you are referring to me.
What I said was not negative, but people need to realize that the world won't change for them. Once people realize that, the life can be a lot easier and less resentful.
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I don't get why people have to be negative. Quoting people and pointing out what's wrong with what they say is NOT supportive. Give em' a break!
As for the topic of this thread, my husband is very supportive. Like some others have said, he does not comment either way about my weight. He also is working out with me and has lost almost 20 pounds. It helps tremendously to have someone to talk to about healthy eating and a healthier lifestyle. We are in it for the long-run and are both committed to being healthier versions of ourselves.
Can you point out the negativity, because I haven't seen any at all.
OP, my husband is always supportive of me. That doesn't necessarily mean that he changes his habits to match mine, but he absolutely supports my efforts.1 -
In my case, I'm not sure what would be "support". I do the grocery shopping, the cooking, the working, the dishes and the laundry. (And everything else except the napping)1
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Yes I do, however we have different goals. I am trying to loose weight and eat low calorie meals, he is trying to gain muscle and strength for his journey in being a firefighter. So we eat what we need to and don't temp each other to eat things we shouldn't. We will go to places where there are things we both like and should eat. It is hard when he gets a cookie at lunch and I don't need one. But I am gaining the willpower!0
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It is very important to success to have support from your partner. Having that support in eating healthy means you do not have as much temptation to eat less healthy, and your partner can provide additional accountability, praise, and encouragement. It's nice to have support from your partner in exercise, as well. Once again, I'm am a very lucky woman. My spouse is super supportive of my weight loss efforts and is even running with me now. Our next 5K is tomorrow, in fact.0
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My husband is very helpful. I've had the flu this week and he made me homemade chicken noodle soup with zucchini noodles made with the spiralizer. I've never had anyone do that! He also supports me in not ordering desserts and breads when I am around unless I make the first move to "splurge" which I do sometimes. He also has promised a big trip when I get to goal. I couldn't ask for a better partner!!2
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Yep. My partner is super supportive. He's on here too. I love him like crazy and one of my biggest motivators.0
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Shawshankcan wrote: »I don't get why people have to be negative. Quoting people and pointing out what's wrong with what they say is NOT supportive. Give em' a break!
As for the topic of this thread, my husband is very supportive. Like some others have said, he does not comment either way about my weight. He also is working out with me and has lost almost 20 pounds. It helps tremendously to have someone to talk to about healthy eating and a healthier lifestyle. We are in it for the long-run and are both committed to being healthier versions of ourselves.
I assume you are referring to me.
What I said was not negative, but people need to realize that the world won't change for them. Once people realize that, the life can be a lot easier and less resentful.
I have to agree with this. The world is not going to stop for you or hold your hand. It's your responsibility to learn how to deal with the obstacles you are going to encounter.
Personally, my SO has been MOSTLY supportive over the years. He went from being "supportive" at first (because I think he didn't think I was that serious), to being supportive (when the weight started to come off), to being at times somewhat UNsupportive (when I dropped things like going out for drinks just because or having take out whenever we felt like it).
I told him this is MY thing. He does not have to participate. He is allowed to go out for drinks with friends, he can bring whatever in the house that he wants, etc., I'm not going to stop him. He's not the one with the goal; I am. And these little challenges are things you're going to face EVERY DAY, whether it's at home, at work, on vacation, etc.
Tough love. You have to learn to deal with it.2 -
OP you have not indicated that your husband is unsupportive of your goal to get fit/loose weight but you have indicated that working out is not the bonding experience you hoped it would be. Both my husband and i are quite fitness oriented but in the gym he lifts heavy and does some quick high intensity cardio, where as i am a distance runner and enjoy kettlebell, TRX and plyometric strength workouts. We both support each other in our endeavours although we do not do the same workouts or go to the gym together. I do all the shopping and cooking and attempt to make food that meets both our needs, but right now he is trying to shed a few pounds while i am trying to keep my weight from dropping, which means that i still buy baked goods and treats and he practices self control. Although we don't workout together we do take daily walks after supper together and that is a really nice fitness oriented bonding time for the two of us. If you are looking for a bonding activity maybe working out is not it, but that doesn't mean you still can't be supportive of each others goals.1
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My boyfriend is about 40lbs down in his own weight loss journey, and is only 5lbs away from his weight when we met.. so yeah.. we're pretty supportive of each other! My weight loss is going slower than his, but I have him to glare at me when I reach for an unhealthy snack, or to do Couch to 5k with a few times a week!0
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I don't expect my partner to make the same choices I make, but I appreciate his encouraging words, and the fact that he stopped buying me the treats that I am really fond of. It would really bum me out if he was actively trying to undermine my health. Even though I believe I can accomplish my goals in spite of someone attempting to keep me unhealthy, it certainly is a lot easier to make healthy choices when you don't have to fight against yourself and another person (or people).0
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My husband is tall and slender, and eats horribly. He is, however, everything I could hope for in the support department, and I count myself fortunate in this regard. For date nights I choose the restaurant so I can check the menu online and plan. He never asks me "should you be eating that" because he knows I'm on track. He's made it clear he found me perfectly beautiful and sexy at my highest weight and is thrilled I'm doing this because I will be more healthy-and beautiful and sexy at every lower weight. There are a few foods that tempt me, and he knows just to put them in "his" cupboard so I'm not looking at it all the time.
OP-the feeling left out thing. I agree with posts that say you're going to have to do this for yourself. But I still empathize. It sounds like you and your husband may need to communicate about this in a productive way and you should find another activity that allows you to bond as a couple. Remember it's a good thing he and your son are bonding in a healthy way. You may need to try a lot of things to find what works. Heck, if you're feeling this sad about it, and it's truly the only thing you have in common, you might need a marriage counselor. It's hard to tell from short posts, only you really know.
In the end I will say that becoming lighter, healthier and strong will serve you well in the long run. Do this for yourself, and work on the marriage stuff for your marriage.0 -
My husband is also tall and slender amd eats horrible lol. He always compliments me no matter what I way. He never says are you sure you should eat that!! When I came home and said I had IR and had to cut out stuff he said let's focus on what you should eat and don't worry about the scale. If you loose it's a bonus for you but the real focus is on getting sugar flour out as per doctor.
I make a meal and I plan to have mine bread free and he has been eating his bread free ...I told him he doesn't have to but he just has been. He bbq's me up chicken breasts so I have them for the week. It has made such a difference. My young son asks me if I made my step goal if I have not he says let's go play soccer ( that might be because he always wants to play soccer)
It has made such a difference to feel supported!!1 -
Yes and no my family knows how hard I'm trying to loose weight but they keep buying and stocking unhealthy foods and it is an awful temptation
I know exactly what you mean. I have a bag of Chito's that's been staring at me for almost a week. I have two stepsons one is 21 and the other is 24 at home .The older one goes to the gym with my husband but they still eat unhealthy and bring things to share that are unhealthy like pizza, chips and especially Mountain Dew . I appreciate there kindness to share but it almost feels like sabotage to.....lol..... Fighting these temptations almost feels the same way it did when I quit smoking . the less your around it the less you want it.
So well I'm being tempted ,I am trying to keep my mind on other things and do stuff keep busy . While the aroma of pepperoni is in the air. I've been asking them to take their snacks to their room and that helps a lot to. Not everyone has the same willpower and challenges . Support does help a lot. I wish you luck on your goals0
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