Grief Eating

bjhallen
bjhallen Posts: 4 Member
edited December 2024 in Motivation and Support
I lost 25 pounds last year (176 to 151) and felt great. Now my 86 year old mother, whom I'm very close with, has cancer. We are all spiritually accepting the beauty of her life and the eventual end coming very soon. Unfortunately I'm gaining weight slowly. I'm now up 10 pounds. I need my grief to manifest itself in other ways. Any suggestions?

Replies

  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    edited May 2016
    bjhallen wrote: »
    I lost 25 pounds last year (176 to 151) and felt great. Now my 86 year old mother, whom I'm very close with, has cancer. We are all spiritually accepting the beauty of her life and the eventual end coming very soon. Unfortunately I'm gaining weight slowly. I'm now up 10 pounds. I need my grief to manifest itself in other ways. Any suggestions?

    Having just been through this (I lost my 93 year old mom, who was in my full time care for 9 years) last month, I can relate to what you're going through. Towards the end, as her needs superceded mine, my diet and exercise routine suffered. All in, I gained 20 lbs, which I am now in the process of losing..

    First and foremost? Don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes life (and sadly, death) gets in the way of what we want for ourselves. And that's okay. When the time was again right for me to re-focus on myself, I did, and I trust the extra weight will come off in good time. But I cannot replace the memories I have of my mom because I focussed on her in her time of greatest need. That is worth every temporary ounce. <3
  • lauracups
    lauracups Posts: 533 Member
    I'm sorry you are grieving. When it comes to the caring for others putting ourselves on the back burner seems almost our duty, right? But here's the thing (it's going to sound harsh, but I've dealt with this since November, and it's helped. ..)ask yourself is letting yourself slip in health going to bring back a loved one? No. Could you be depriving others around you of your best self by not being healthy, yes. A good long walk does wonders, a good cup of tea instead of a snack is therapeutic. Care for yourself.
  • Bonnieelizabeth
    Bonnieelizabeth Posts: 68 Member
    sorry about your mother! That is hard to deal with! my best suggestions is to go for a walk before you eat something that is not healthy and it is tough but look at it this way you haven't gained it all back which is a major victory! Keep healthy food available and if need be put them in a sandwich bag for separate servings to make you more aware of how much you are eating. I went through this when my dad died and gained all of mine back plus more and now am on metformin 2 times a day, you have to take care of yourself to be there for your mother at the end of her journey! Maybe another family member could go on a walk together and share some good memories about your mother and it might help them too! If I was close I would try to help you!! Best wishes
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    edited May 2016
    lauracups wrote: »
    I'm sorry you are grieving. When it comes to the caring for others putting ourselves on the back burner seems almost our duty, right? But here's the thing (it's going to sound harsh, but I've dealt with this since November, and it's helped. ..)ask yourself is letting yourself slip in health going to bring back a loved one? No. Could you be depriving others around you of your best self by not being healthy, yes. A good long walk does wonders, a good cup of tea instead of a snack is therapeutic. Care for yourself.

    I agree - to a degree, laura. ;)

    I simply did not have the time I normally do to prepare food, for example, and relied a bit too heavily on take-out or delivery. I also didn't have the time to do what was my normal 8 mile daily walks. Again, I simply did not have the time. As a result, I gained weight.

    I was not going to beat myself up over it. I'd take walks when I could and eat well when I could but my focus had to be on her and not on myself. The other adults in my family (husband and daughter) were a great help and were certainly mature and involved enough not to feel deprived of either my attention, my health or my love. It was a *temporary* weight gain exacerbated by a *temporary* but essential shift in focus and family dynamic.

    And if, in my sadness and tiredness I occasionally reached for some ice cream instead of a celery stick, well, I'm not gonna beat myself up over that, either. ;)
  • southbaysonia
    southbaysonia Posts: 39 Member
    You have a daughter? How does this sound? When you want to eat to cope with the grief, how about picking up a pen (handwriting is better than keyboarding for this exercise), and write about your feelings. Your feelings when you're sad, as well as capturing good memories about your mom. Someday, this collection of memories, feelings and events, may be a real strong source of joy for your daughter, and yourself.
  • middlehaitch
    middlehaitch Posts: 8,486 Member
    edited May 2016
    To grow on @southbaysonia's excellent suggestion, write your mother's memories too.
    I regret not doing that with my dad as his only surviving sister died in the same year. We have half a family history missing.
    For yourself, when you can, be aware of your calories, and walk, or anything else that will get you burning a few extra calories.
    If you have a good eye, do portion control rather than logging, and forgive yourself on the days that only food can comfort you.

    On a personal note, I am very close to my mum, who is turning 90 soon, and dread the transatlantic call asking me to come home - now.

    Take the time to enjoy the time you have.
    You can lose 25lbs again, you will never get back the time with your mum. This is just how I know I would think.

    Cheers, h.
    You have me almost in tears, take care of your your family and yourself <3
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