Lost some but not all/relationship issues

thevolp · May 2016

hey so I started trying to lose weight seriously about a year ago. I had gained about 30 pounds in college (135-165) after recovering from ED. Trying to be healthy I slowly lost the first 15 within the first 4 or so months, and since then I have completely plateaued at 150. I am still overweight and I exercise 4-5 times per week and try to eat healthy as much as possible (don't binge anymore) but I am around a family who is obese and eats junk all the time and always makes/buys extra for me and I'm so tired from work and the gym I tend to give in. I eat about 1,800-2,100 calories a day and cannot consistently eat less as hard as I try. On top of this I was having sexual problems w my boyfriend and found out my weight gain turned him off to me physically but he stayed bc he loved me and tried to work through it. My weight loss has helped but I finally got him to admit the last bit does still put him off. I'm 5'2" so 10 or 15 pounds is a lot for my frame. He wants to stay w me and help me lose weight but what if I never do, or I blow up again if we have kids? I've been looking into therapists to help me get more control of my diet but I've tried before and my results were temporary. Bottom line is that I naturally can overeat and may be obese if I didn't care about my weight/health. Can I ever get real control and break bad habits? Should I break up with my boyfriend, who may not be sexually attracted to me if I can never lose the weight or gain more in the future? Any tips on how to break bad habits for good?

Fit4LifeAR · May 2016

While I believe that a man can honestly want his significant other to lose weight to be healthy, the fact that he is that stuck on only 10-15 pounds is a huge red flag, in my opinion. I can't imagine what it would be like for you, when you had babies or even just got older.

MissusMoon · May 2016

This reads like a disaster waiting to happen. This is not the kind of man you want in your life forever, or for another week. Especially while recovering from an ED. Disaster, honey. I would move on, and lose weight for yourself on your own terms (or not!!!), and focus on ED recovery on your own terms.

shanna_wainwright · May 2016

First- your guy sounds like a jerk. If he's worried now about 10-15 lbs, then he's entirely too superficial to be healthy for you.

Second- with your family- be firm. Saying no, and meaning it, sticking to it and being unapologetic is liberating. No, thank you, I do not want those chips/cookies/cake/random crap. If you can't stop at just a bite or two, or the occasional indulgence, then don't do it. It's like not drinking when you can't have just one and end up dancing topless on the bar all the time. Maybe limit your visits to one day a week until you feel like you can resist, or they're less pushy. Bring your own healthy snacks, or offer to cook a health meal for them. Or, try sitting them down and telling them you're trying to focus on eating healthy, and that while you don't expect them to be on board, you would like it if they didn't expect you to partake.

GingerRebelle · May 2016

Worrying about a specific amount of pounds sounds very immature on his part. I wouldn't go so far to say he's a complete jerk because it sounds like you pushed him to be honest and he felt like he could share with you that it bothered him. The fact that it bothers him defines jerkish tendencies though. If he stayed with you to help that's great. If you fear for your relationship because your weight may fluctuate then honestly that's not a relationship to be in. You should never fear having babies or growing older, atleast not because of weight. To answer whether you can truly get a handle on this... Yes. I too have suffered with an ED most my life. From one extreme to the next. I was highly highly addicted to food. I could eat an unimaginable amount of food daily. Then I went through a couple years where I was opposite and would eat nothing. Now I've found balance. I can even be around snack foods without feeling like I NEED them. I cook for my family and then I prepare my own. I buy fast food for my boyfriend and don't even sneak fries on my way home with it!!! It's not easy but it can be done. You CAN do this. It's changes that have to be made in your mind. Therapy may help but ultimately you have to make the decision to change.

thevolp · May 2016

Thanks for the support everyone! I pushed my boyfriend to talk about it again and he said he was really sorry and he thinks my body looks great and what he meant was that it bothers him that I always complain about my weight and say I'm gonna lose the last 10-15 pounds and then don't change anything. I'm not sure if I believe that but I can see how that would be annoying. What triggered me getting upset and bringing it up in the first place is that I have a friend who had gained the same out of weight as me and never worked out or dieted and for years I always thought (as bad as this sounds) she would be as out of shape or worse than me. I saw her for the first time in months and she went from 145-125 and looked shockingly thin. The worst part was when I asked her about it she said she wasn't even trying to lose weight and she never works out but she has a job that requires a lot of walking and she said since she went off an anyidepressant her appetite has naturally diminished. It was just so devastating to me because I have been working hard at the gym and trying everything to cut down on eating and my friend just basically woke up one day and stopped craving food and dropped 20 pounds in a few months. It was just so disheartening for me. I feel like with me, my weight will always be a huge struggle and even for someone I thought was in the same boat as me, all it took was weening off a prescription to be thin naturally.

NID2410 · May 2016

Please do not give up. You sound way too disheartened.
Ups and downs are part of life. Try to eat low calories food.. that will allow you to eat more and keep you fuller for long. Day long mobility is bound to lead to weight loss, as has happened in your friend's case.
My weight loss is also very slow, I suffered too many losses mid way and lost track. But that's life. We can always come back on track. Be firm this time, do not give in to temptations and external pressures, you will see the results.

Need2Exerc1se · May 2016

I think it commendable that your boyfriend loves you enough to stay and to be honest about how your weight affects him. But you are correct to worry. If weight loss is this hard for you and it's something that lessens his desire for you, that could be a showstopper. Also, the fact that you are on a public website asking if you should break up with him suggests that you aren't truly committed to the relationship yourself.

Lost some but not all/relationship issues

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