Same old tired excuse...

Hi Y'all - I'm new to this site....been online only a couple of weeks and have "kind of" tracked my food. I've been feeling overwhelmed and emotional about my weight lately and needed to get it out. I wasn't sure where to post the message below so I'm sharing here with my introduction, mostly because it's my backstory of what I've been through in regards to my weight the last eight years or so. Anyway...Hi.
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I know this excuse has been used by hundreds and hundreds of women, but it is now my “excuse” too: I need to lose my baby weight! During my pregnancy I gained maybe 25 pounds; I lost most of it after she was born and during breastfeeding. Once I stopped breastfeeding, it all came back on. I am approaching my highest pregnancy weight. Eek! Problem is…my baby was born almost two years ago.

I notice more and more these days that it’s harder for me to walk up stairs or long distances; not only am I out of breath but my lower back and knees hurt too. I’m tired more often, I don’t concentrate as well. Overall, I feel blah.

Weight for me has always been a struggle. Ever since I learned some really bad food habits in college, they've stuck with me ever since. I remember my group of friends would go to aerobics class (yes, I went to college when aerobics was popular) and then we’d go to Pizza Hut for our own Personal Pan pizza. Every. Time.

A few years back, my weight got up to 250+. I was very unhappy, dealing with depression and anxiety and the “bleh” feeling and a lot of the other aches and pains I am starting to feel again. I ended up going to talk to a bariatric surgeon and he referred me for gastric bypass. In 2009 I had surgery and lost 100 pounds in a year. I felt awesome! So proud of myself! I kept it off for several years. In 2011 I moved to Texas where there is a LOT of delicious Mexican food and after a couple years I put about 10-15 pounds back on, but I still felt I had everything in check.

Then I got pregnant. Pregnancy was good. I gained normal weight, nothing too crazy. I ate healthy and within reasonable quantity. I had our precious baby girl and my excuse became “I don’t have time to cook, let’s order something.” Problem generally with “ordering something” means pizza, Chinese, or going to pick up something fast food. This all needs to change.

I don’t want to be the mom who is still saying that she needs to lose her baby weight after her kid is graduating school. I don’t want to be the mom who holds her child back from doing fun things like going to the pool because I don’t want to be seen in a swimsuit. I don’t want to show my baby girl a mom who’s not happy with herself; how can I teach her to love herself and be happy with her own image if I'm not happy with mine.

I am getting married to my baby’s father in a couple months and I don’t want to disappoint him either. I generally don’t feel as attractive as I could. He tells me he loves me and that I’m beautiful, but I don’t feel it within myself. I need to do better for me so I can be better for him.

I know I deserve better than what I’ve allowed myself to settle for in terms of my weight. I’ve been at both ends of the spectrum. I was "very obese" and then I’ve lost 100+ pounds and was within "normal" BMI. I know I can do this…I want to do this for my baby, my fiancé and myself. I need to be a better me so I can be the best for them.

I need to stop the excuses to cover it up. I got this!