As the scale goes down, real life friends walk
Konigboy
Posts: 86 Member
Have any of you experienced loosing real life friends as you loose weight? Overall, I have lost 150+ lbs the last 3 years. Still have more to go, about 60 lbs. Yes, I was awful. But when I was big, never had a problem making friends or dating. Went out, had a good time etc. Once people started to notice the weight loss, they started to not call, avoided you in stores and even saw a friend post in a group text, I don't want to be seen in public with her, she's too fat. Yet they had no issues prior to loosing weight.
I try to not let it bother me anymore, but it makes me sad that everyone seems to just walk out of my life. The rumors in my small town are crazy about me. I go to the local brew house and have way too many beers and make an *kitten* out of myself. Yet, I have never been there and I don't drink beer. Sigh... not only is it starting to take its toll on me, but my business also. Anymore, I do my business, take care of my ailing parents and go home. I talk with no one. It's starting to get to me. Tried to date, but the guys always bring up my weight or looks. Got to love when they say, loose a bit more weight and give me a call. Uh, no, accept me for me.
Since I know there are some that had a lot of weight to loose on here, would be curious if you experienced this, or if it is just my hick town. I want to sell everything and move, but can't until my parents are gone.
I try to not let it bother me anymore, but it makes me sad that everyone seems to just walk out of my life. The rumors in my small town are crazy about me. I go to the local brew house and have way too many beers and make an *kitten* out of myself. Yet, I have never been there and I don't drink beer. Sigh... not only is it starting to take its toll on me, but my business also. Anymore, I do my business, take care of my ailing parents and go home. I talk with no one. It's starting to get to me. Tried to date, but the guys always bring up my weight or looks. Got to love when they say, loose a bit more weight and give me a call. Uh, no, accept me for me.
Since I know there are some that had a lot of weight to loose on here, would be curious if you experienced this, or if it is just my hick town. I want to sell everything and move, but can't until my parents are gone.
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Replies
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What a f'ed up place. Recently I've made "fitness friends", they are both fit and encouraging of my efforts.2
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They're probably jealous of the success you've had. People can be jerks when they feel inadequate.3
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Sheesh, that sounds terrible. I do think it's your town. I've heard/read of a few people here or there doing/saying stuff about people who lose weight but it sounds like you have it all around you. That really sucks and I am sorry about it. I can't imagine how frustrating it would be, especially after all the great progress you've made. Are there any towns nearby where you can get out and meet people?1
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Can you move?
Seriously where you live sound hellish. I've never lost friends over weight lost and really they can't be all that good of friends if the basis of your friendship is the way you look. That is just messed up...1 -
Honestly, they are really not friends. You have to ask yourself why would you want to be friends with people who treat you anyway other than you'd like to be treated. You have to be happy with you! You will attract what you put out. Ignore them, you have to much life to live to spend "wasted calories" on messy folks! Let them walk and make room for the positive, real friends that are waiting to occupy that space. Warm regards.2
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The larger areas are 30 miles, not too far, just not sure how to go about meeting people there. Not really a bar type person. More comfortable in the woods or fishing. Lol. With having to take care of my parents, it makes it a little difficult at times. I just am at a loss anymore. At times I want to give up the weight loss, but yet it fuels me to want to reach my goal in hopes this area will accept me.Sheesh, that sounds terrible. I do think it's your town. I've heard/read of a few people here or there doing/saying stuff about people who lose weight but it sounds like you have it all around you. That really sucks and I am sorry about it. I can't imagine how frustrating it would be, especially after all the great progress you've made. Are there any towns nearby where you can get out and meet people?
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I was experiencing something similar. I joined a local gym and then a boot camp class and these ladies are so supportive. Been doing it for 14 months and the friendship and support has made all the difference.1
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The larger areas are 30 miles, not too far, just not sure how to go about meeting people there. Not really a bar type person. More comfortable in the woods or fishing. Lol. With having to take care of my parents, it makes it a little difficult at times. I just am at a loss anymore. At times I want to give up the weight loss, but yet it fuels me to want to reach my goal in hopes this area will accept me.Sheesh, that sounds terrible. I do think it's your town. I've heard/read of a few people here or there doing/saying stuff about people who lose weight but it sounds like you have it all around you. That really sucks and I am sorry about it. I can't imagine how frustrating it would be, especially after all the great progress you've made. Are there any towns nearby where you can get out and meet people?
I'm sorry you're dealing with such negativity and mistreatment but I have to say a great big NO to the bold sentence above. Never give up! These people were obviously never true friends if they are acting this way, so disregard them. Their loss.
Also, you do NOT need their or anyone else's acceptance. No, it's not great to live in an area where it seems everyone has turned on you but don't expect their "approval" ever. You don't need or want it.
Hopefully you can find a new circle of friends. What options do you have in your area as far as gyms, group activities and such?1 -
If your not a bar type person, I'm sure there are events, book stores, fitness facilities and other places where people that aren't galactic sized a-holes gather.0
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Yes and sadly I have no girlfriends. Not sure if it was the weight loss (funny because it started happening around that time everyone started to notice) or something else, but I think I'm pretty fun to be around. I have even tried encouraging them and telling them if they ever needed help or wanted me to support them I am here, but none the less they are not there. At least I have my husband and he's supportive of my efforts. I think I'll keep him
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Not too many options in my immediate area. There are some gyms, but I opted to work out at home. I did go to one that mainly older people went to for a trial, but they are opened limited hours and that didn't work with my schedule. There is a couple other little ones in town, one tired in to religion and the other is a change. Both of those I regularly see people posting pics of people working out and seeing the comments that follow on social media and to be honest, that scared me. My self esteem is shot with how I am treated and the things I hear, the last thing I need is my fat butt posted on social media being laughed at.The larger areas are 30 miles, not too far, just not sure how to go about meeting people there. Not really a bar type person. More comfortable in the woods or fishing. Lol. With having to take care of my parents, it makes it a little difficult at times. I just am at a loss anymore. At times I want to give up the weight loss, but yet it fuels me to want to reach my goal in hopes this area will accept me.Sheesh, that sounds terrible. I do think it's your town. I've heard/read of a few people here or there doing/saying stuff about people who lose weight but it sounds like you have it all around you. That really sucks and I am sorry about it. I can't imagine how frustrating it would be, especially after all the great progress you've made. Are there any towns nearby where you can get out and meet people?
I'm sorry you're dealing with such negativity and mistreatment but I have to say a great big NO to the bold sentence above. Never give up! These people were obviously never true friends if they are acting this way, so disregard them. Their loss.
Also, you do NOT need their or anyone else's acceptance. No, it's not great to live in an area where it seems everyone has turned on you but don't expect their "approval" ever. You don't need or want it.
Hopefully you can find a new circle of friends. What options do you have in your area as far as gyms, group activities and such?
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Yes and sadly I have no girlfriends. Not sure if it was the weight loss (funny because it started happening around that time everyone started to notice) or something else, but I think I'm pretty fun to be around. I have even tried encouraging them and telling them if they ever needed help or wanted me to support them I am here, but none the less they are not there. At least I have my husband and he's supportive of my efforts. I think I'll keep him
Your lucky to have a husband. My best friend is a male, but he is married, so we can't go out and do things. Of course now with weight loss, his wife throws a fit when he talks to me.
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Geez. That is horrible. Don't give up. Those people were not your friends. A friend who makes such an amazing change in thier lifestyle that would improve not only how they see and value their self but also how much healthier you would be should be encouraged and congratulated, not shamed. Seems they enjoyed the unhealthy you, which is an extremely unhealthy mindset for them to have. They may see you as competition, where they really didn't before, especially if you live in a small town. Spreading rumors is juvenile and shows that they have issues, not you. Don't give up on yourself. Don't do this for a man or your friends. Do this for yourself and your future!
Find REAL friends. Those that are there for you through the good and bad. The ones who aren't afraid to tell you you're messing up but encourage you to be your best self.1 -
Those people are insanely jealous of your success. Even if some of these people have always been thin, or in shape, they are threatened by your spirit and your strength. I've even had people who were a lot bigger than me tell me I was fat - its all about their insecurity, not yours. Keep your head up - do this for YOU and don't let their actions define you. I take it to mean, that they were false friends to begin with. A true friend would be elated and so thrilled that you are getting healthier and feeling better about yourself.2
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Sounds like one of them small towns you see in movies.
Easier said than done, but find new friends.
These guys sound like they weren't real friends to begin with.
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MalcolmX1983 wrote: »Sounds like one of them small towns you see in movies.
Easier said than done, but find new friends.
These guys sound like they weren't real friends to begin with.
Yes. Having not grown up here, I'm an outsider on top of it. Lol0 -
Wow.. Move as soon as you can!0
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Oh yes, you find out who your real friends are. Envy brings out the worst in people. It especially hurts when it's family or "church people". It's a reality of the situation. You find new friends and learn to pick them a little more wisely next time, let them be vetted out under a test of fire, as the fire naturally will happen in life. It's also difficult when it's back stabbing at work, always gotta watch your back. Sad but true. So you focus on the good people and positive energy to balance that out.1
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californiagirl2012 wrote: »Oh yes, you find out who your real friends are. Envy brings out the worst in people. It especially hurts when it's family or "church people". It's a reality of the situation. You find new friends and learn to pick them a little more wisely next time, let them be vetted out under a test of fire, as the fire naturally will happen in life. It's also difficult when it's back stabbing at work, always gotta watch your back. Sad but true. So you focus on the good people and positive energy to balance that out.
I hate to say it, but the church ones are the worst. Lol. I live in a very religious area. A church on every corner, as they fight amongst themselves and start a new one. Lol. I think if I wasn't self employed, it would be easier to meet people. At least I don't have the employee back stabbing problem. Lol
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I have dealt with that... Now that I'm at goal, former acquaintances will avoid me or avoid having eye contact with me. I've had neighbors say that they would do anything to look like me, yet when I tell them what it takes they don't want to commit. And yep, my closest group of friends have walked away because 1) They say I get the attention (I'm the only married one in the group); and 2) I don't party/eat/drink like I used to.
I have found new friends that care about who I am, not WHAT I am.1
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