Self-sabotage or lazy?

shayfey · May 2016

Hi all,

I started my lifestyle change last October. Literally changed everything I was eating and started going to a kickboxing gym 3-4 times a week. I've lost around 30 pounds and was feeling great. I was on the cusp of hitting my next weight goal when I had a bad weekend a couple weeks ago--and then worked out that whole next week to take off the extra pounds.

Now I'm stuck this week. I have absolutely no desire to work out, I don't care what I'm eating and I'm seeing the numbers go up. I even lied to my husband, telling him I went to the gym and I really didn't (he's been very encouraging and supportive during my journey). Every day this week I've told myself- 'You're going to the gym, you'll feel so much better' but I'll make a new excuse. I don't feel good, and even though I've lost 30, I feel as fat as ever. I have about 40 more pounds to go, and maybe I'm sabotaging myself or maybe I'm just being lazy. I got dressed to go to the gym yesterday and I felt so disgusting that I just drove straight home instead.

Does anyone else have off weeks like this? Why am I sitting on the sidelines as my weight goes back up? Even though I look better, I feel giant when I go to the gym. I'm embarrassed and don't want to look in the mirrors. I feel like mentally I'm just giving up. I was so close to hitting a new goal, and now I'm waving goodbye to it. Is there some sort of psychological and physical plateau you can hit during weight loss? I feel like that's where I'm at. Thanks!

seska422 · May 2016

Hang in there.

Everyone has off days or weeks. The key is to work through them and get back to a good place.

I would suggest that, for now, you might set your calories at maintenance and shift your exercise to non-gym things that you enjoy. A break (without regaining to your starting weight) may be just what you need.

Another thing is that you may be reacting to being too restrictive if you "Literally changed everything I was eating" rather than making small sustainable changes. I've had a lot of luck sticking as close to my normal way of eating as possible but with smaller portions and some satisfying substitutions.

Good luck! You can do it!

MissusMoon · May 2016

Look at it this way: we go to work when we don't want to. We take care of all kinds of things even if we're not in the mood. We tell our kids (if we have them) to do things like brush their teeth or do their homework even if they don't feel like it.

I go to the gym when I don't want to, and keep my calories in check even if I don't really care at that moment. I'm doing this because it's what's best for me. Doing anything but that will just make me feel worse.

This is a mental battle and you have to decide you're going to win.

Quest4HotGranny · May 2016

Wow this came at the right time...had an awful day today! The key is that this is a lifestyle and you can have bad days or bad weeks but don't let the disappointment cause it to go into a bad month or bad year just step back on program!!!! (Saying this after having a horrid day myself!)

Moxie42 · May 2016

I've gone through that same cycle so many times I've lost count. I haven't been able (yet) to pinpoint why exactly I sabotage myself but I do know that it tends to happen 1) after having a day of bad choices, 2) anytime I gain, and 3) when I hit that 10-20 lb loss.

This is the first time I've ever managed to have bad days, even full-on binges, and gains...without letting it turn into a downward spiral. Here are things that helped me and can hopefully help you

* I don't give myself a choice anymore. If I make it a choice, my brain WILL convince me out of going. So I treat it the way I treat going to work- it sucks but it has to happen. A friend once told me "motivation and willpower inevitably fade in and out. Discipline is the real key." I have found this to be very true!!!
* I try to be reasonable with what I commit myself to. In the past I've always gone full-force and burnt out quickly. Right now I'm only committing myself to going to the gym 3 times a week, 30 minutes each time. If I feel like doing more, awesome. But by keeping it reasonable, it's then also reasonable for me to follow through with that first piece of advice- to refuse to listen to my own excuses, because I'm not asking THAT much of myself. I can say "I have to work out today but I get a break tomorrow." If I committed myself to TOO much I would hate this entire process and it probably wouldn't stick. So for you, if you're having trouble bringing yourself to go to the gym 3-4 times a week, maybe for now, commit to going twice, or going for walks with your husband instead, or doing a fun workout video at home.
* As far as food goes, I'm trying to follow the same kind of thought process- finding a happy medium between what I want NOW (junk food) and what I want long-term (to be healthy and lose weight). So I eat mostly healthy- lots of fruit, veggies, lean meat, fish...but I also allow treats. Lately, I've been allowing myself one 100-cal mini ice cream cone every night, and I make sure my meals and snacks throughout the day allow this. Sometimes I want more but I tell myself "nope, your sweet tooth got it's treat. Now it's just being greedy!"
* I also decided this time around to accept that I WILL have bad days, I WILL gain sometimes, I WILL binge sometimes, and sometimes I WILL want to give up. Accepting these things instead of fighting them has held off a LOT of frustration. When I get that "I hate this. I want to give up. What's the point?" feeling, I tell myself- "you knew this would happen and you know this is normal. It's okay. Move on."
* Last but not least, be fair to yourself. I realized recently that most people will say something like "This week was horrible. I gained 1lb." but then they will also say "I only lost 1 lb this week. I suck." Why do simultaneously beat ourselves up and sell ourselves short over the same one pound? I often have to pit logic and emotions against each other and "go through the motions" even if I'm not feeling it. It's not fun but it helps push through those rough times.

Sorry this is so long but I hope it can help

12Sarah2015 · May 2016

Join a challenge here on mfp, that helps me anyway

Zimgirl76 · May 2016

There must be a psychological wall people hit from time to time, you are not alone. Your story is my story exactly. I have lost 30 pounds in 4 months and I literally had 1.3 pounds to go and after a bad weekend I've thrown it all away this week. Aaargh why did I do that? I could have been weighing in tomorrow and actually achieving something amazing. I just physically couldn't do it this week (control my eating) and instead I feel stupid. I wonder if I have sabotaged myself as I know I will have to turn around and set a new goal of losing another 15 pounds once I reach my first goal and it seems too hard starting all over again. Thank you for sharing your post, I feel less severe on myself tonight having read it and have managed an hour on the exercise bike. That's a good sign, I am digging deep and not giving up. Good luck

walking2running · May 2016

That is most of the struggle. We're human, after all. It isn't as simple as doing a few calculations, and voila! For some of us, it's a constant battle. Weight loss is such a mind game.

zoeysasha37 · May 2016

MissusMoon wrote: »

Look at it this way: we go to work when we don't want to. We take care of all kinds of things even if we're not in the mood. We tell our kids (if we have them) to do things like brush their teeth or do their homework even if they don't feel like it.

I go to the gym when I don't want to, and keep my calories in check even if I don't really care at that moment. I'm doing this because it's what's best for me. Doing anything but that will just make me feel worse.

This is a mental battle and you have to decide you're going to win.

This

Cheesy567 · May 2016

Maybe try a "Maintenance break" for a few weeks... Sounds like you experience either gaining or losing weight... Take an intentional timeframe to just simply maintain. Less pressure than having to lose, and you'll build the skills to successfully maintain your weightloss for a lifetime.

_treehugger74 · May 2016

Wow ... sounds like you have described my life, however, I had lost 103 lbs and was close to my goal and it all went downhill after that. I didn't gain it all back, but close. I need to make sure it doesn't happen this time. I need to find the triggers to stop it starting with one day at a time.

Cheesy567 · May 2016

Also, take a listen to the podcast named "HalfSize Me." She gives a great perspective on long-term maintenance and helps me re-frame the all-or-nothing attitude that sabotages me. After all, you've lost 28.5 pounds... That's not failure...

JButlerEagle · May 2016

What's the weather like in your part of the world? Maybe it would be motivating to do some workouts outside. Weather has been lovely here so I've enjoyed a brisk walk. I have to admit I like the solitude of it as well.

shayfey · May 2016

Sherry0984 wrote: »

There must be a psychological wall people hit from time to time, you are not alone. Your story is my story exactly. I have lost 30 pounds in 4 months and I literally had 1.3 pounds to go and after a bad weekend I've thrown it all away this week. Aaargh why did I do that? I could have been weighing in tomorrow and actually achieving something amazing. I just physically couldn't do it this week (control my eating) and instead I feel stupid. I wonder if I have sabotaged myself as I know I will have to turn around and set a new goal of losing another 15 pounds once I reach my first goal and it seems too hard starting all over again. Thank you for sharing your post, I feel less severe on myself tonight having read it and have managed an hour on the exercise bike. That's a good sign, I am digging deep and not giving up. Good luck

Thank you for replying Sherry, it's good to know that I'm not alone. It sounds like we're on the exact same track right now. I was about 4 ounces away of seeing a brand new number, and then ruined it. But it's motivating to hear other people say that have the same kinds of days and weeks, but you just have to put it in the past and move forward. We're going to feel so much better when we do hit that next goal because we'll remember how hard we worked for it. I hope you are able to get out of your slump, I know we can do it!

shayfey · May 2016

JButlerEagle wrote: »

What's the weather like in your part of the world? Maybe it would be motivating to do some workouts outside. Weather has been lovely here so I've enjoyed a brisk walk. I have to admit I like the solitude of it as well.

I'm in Orange County-- so there's absolutely no excuse to not be outside walking or doing something! So maybe it's just a week away from the gym for me, but I can still stay active being outside.

Self-sabotage or lazy?

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