Anyone else fear the physical changes?

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bunnerfly
bunnerfly Posts: 197 Member
edited May 2016 in Motivation and Support
I know I need to lose weight, I have all these plans and outfits in mind for when I do. I've already made some progress...

But I keep getting this anxiety about what I will look like. My ultimate goal weight is to be 120-130lbs. I haven't been that weight since high school. I've been overweight pretty much since graduation (a good 16 years, 2 kids, and a divorce ago.)

Basically, I see the results, and it kinda freaks me out. When I get freaked out about it, I slack off and stall out and stop losing. It's like my mind is fighting a battle with itself. It's like if I lose weight, I'll suddenly become this vulnerable waif or I'll have loose dangling skin (irrational fear there, because I already do. Thanks, kids) or my fiancé won't find me attractive, or worse yet... *I* won't find me attractive. Or, and this could be a major part of it... Others may find me attractive. I've been sexually harassed numerous times in the past. Then, several years ago, just when I started to lose weight and feel good, I was the victim of a very public sexual assault. I remember the cop telling me it was very serious, but not *that* serious because I wasn't wearing a skirt. He told me it would have been a felony assault case had I been wearing a skirt. But since I wasn't... *sigh* My (now ex) husband blamed me.

Is this just something I have to trudge through? I have my goals that I want to achieve so, so much. I just need to know if that fear is something that will continue to trip me up. :/

Replies

  • jerrirose56
    jerrirose56 Posts: 3 Member
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    I am older than you and have the same issues. In the past I would lose weight, feel better about myself and then the doubts come into play.
    I worry that I will still be insecure and invisible (I have never figured out how a fat woman can be invisible, but I am), that the baby apron will droop more and make me look worse, etc.
    I am working hard to not allow this to trip me up this time. Fear and anxiety and apprehension will always be there, but we can be stronger. Believe!
  • Dove0804
    Dove0804 Posts: 213 Member
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    I absolutely have fears, too. I know they're irrational, but it's hard not to think about.

    If I reach my goal weight range (which is the same as yours), I will have loose skin. I know I will. I am coming from 260 lbs, which is about a 130-140 lb weight loss. Loose skin is inevitable. I know that health is so important and that I'm going to feel great regardless, but I am in my late 20's, and I'm childless and single. I'm terrified that even with so much hard work and dedication, I will never be able to look the way I want to without surgery, and I'm worried how that will affect my dating life. I know it's irrational for me to think about right now, but it makes me very frustrated. I just try to tell myself that it is future me's problem. Current me needs to work on the weight first and foremost, and then I'll be able to attempt damage control. Baby steps.

    But I also understand your fear of being more attractive. I totally get that. On one hand, I want to blow everyone away, but on the other hand I remember I used to have a lot of run-ins with creepy guys (I automatically tend to smile at everyone I pass and that used to land me in some pretty sketchy situations before I gained a lot of weight). I wonder if I'll be able to trust any man who lends me attention knowing how I was perceived when I was larger. Again, really silly to think about but I do worry about it. I am so sorry about the horrible experiences you had.

    I try very much to remind myself that I need to cross those bridges when I come to them. A good friend once told me this: when it comes to worrying about possible future situations, you may find that even if really negative things happen, you'll likely surprise yourself with your ability to deal with them when/if that time comes. I like to keep that in the back of my mind and focus on what can be done NOW.
  • its_laura_btw
    its_laura_btw Posts: 48 Member
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    I feel you. I'm in my early twenties and I'm not really thrilled about the idea of loose skin, but it might happen. I already have a billion stretch marks, they're everywhere, and they may get worse losing the weight and all. It really upsets me thinking about these things so I try and convince myself that this is for the best and whatever happens happens.

    I have never been 'skinny' I've always had a gut and had body image problems since I can remember! So this would be a game changer for sure, losing all this weight. I have no idea what I will look like, I don't know what shape I really am, it's super scary!

    But do not worry! This is what is best for you and your health, being fit and stuff, it's going to be the bomb however it turns out! :)
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
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    I recommend speaking to a professional about these issues.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 24,860 Member
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    bunnerfly wrote: »
    I know I need to lose weight, I have all these plans and outfits in mind for when I do. I've already made some progress...

    But I keep getting this anxiety about what I will look like. My ultimate goal weight is to be 120-130lbs. I haven't been that weight since high school. I've been overweight pretty much since graduation (a good 16 years, 2 kids, and a divorce ago.)

    You won't reach 130 lbs for a little while yet ... right? Take it 5 lbs at a time. Lose 5, get used to it. Lose 5 more ... etc. One step at a time.


    And yes, it does sound like you need to seek professional help as well.

  • bellabonbons
    bellabonbons Posts: 705 Member
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    Females especially; they often use weight gain as a shield. Perhaps something in your past? I would definitely seek a professional therapist.
  • Losewtforlife4him
    Losewtforlife4him Posts: 422 Member
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    Machka9 wrote: »
    bunnerfly wrote: »
    I know I need to lose weight, I have all these plans and outfits in mind for when I do. I've already made some progress...

    But I keep getting this anxiety about what I will look like. My ultimate goal weight is to be 120-130lbs. I haven't been that weight since high school. I've been overweight pretty much since graduation (a good 16 years, 2 kids, and a divorce ago.)

    You won't reach 130 lbs for a little while yet ... right? Take it 5 lbs at a time. Lose 5, get used to it. Lose 5 more ... etc. One step at a time.


    And yes, it does sound like you need to seek professional help as well.

    Yes. This exactly. Take 5 lbs at a time. The weight doesn't fall off right away (sad but true). You can do this and do it for YOU and your health and the healthy body God wants all of us to have to live life to our fullest God given potential. I like to consider my hips and knees and how over time not only can our heart and lungs be affected by excess weight but so can our hips and knees carrying the extra around. It's a lot to ask of our little joints. I know how even when I've been 10 lbs overweight plus much more, it affects them. I understand how you feel as far as extra attention from men. I don't like that, as flattering as it can be to see that younger guys (I'm 44!) and men look at me (I can tell without making hardly any eye contact) since I've lost weight and down to 143, it makes me uncomfortable as well. I'm married and don't want to ever flirt with some other man or anything like that. I'm also a mom and what kids want their mom to be looked at by other men and sometimes even boys my son's age (18!)...very weird and makes me feel creeped out. I do get that totally. I didn't lose weight for others. I lost weight for me and just try hard to think of something else when I'm walking past a group of guys or men and try to take a different path if possible too. As far as saggy skin, I have loose skin under my neck which makes me a little self conscious but I just don't worry about it much because my body is healthier now. Best wishes to you on this journey and look to God for all of this. He really does care even about our weight issues.

  • sarahfadell87
    sarahfadell87 Posts: 182 Member
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    I think that the assault traumatized you, & because at that time you lost weight, subconciously you think it leaves you vulnerable for it to happen again.

    If you think it's something you want to do, perhaps some therapy may be of some help.

    Goodluck, chick. Best wishes

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