Loss of a child

CarlaRG
CarlaRG Posts: 264
edited October 11 in Motivation and Support
Has anyone on here lost a child and while you are moving forward, you still face times of depression that can sabatoge your weight loss? I'd like us to get together and help support each other. I know how alone you can become when death is a part of your life.

Replies

  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    I can't even imagine. How you get up in the morning makes you way more stronger than I'll ever be.
  • Sharont213
    Sharont213 Posts: 323 Member
    My deepest sympathies to you and everyone who has gone through this..
  • RachelSRoach1
    RachelSRoach1 Posts: 435 Member
    I had a miscarriage which was devastating. I cannot fathom losing either of my boys now. What a strong person you must be.
  • jjclem07
    jjclem07 Posts: 127 Member
    I lost mine 13 years ago and have not been able to hold one to full term yet. I carried Holden to 30 weeks and his liver gave out 8 days after I had him. Weight is an issue in this because I have PCOS. Trying to take it off to give it one more shot, but I am scared to at the same time that I will give birth to another baby who will die.
  • MissAnjy
    MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
    I lost a child through miscarriage roughly 7 years ago.

    2.5 years ago, I gave birth to twins & they were soon thereafter diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis ( a terminal disease). I wakeup everyday wondering what the day has in store for us. I haven't lost them, they are still with me, but the fear of death is constantly there every single day of our lives.

    I wish you comfort and peace.
  • dgilner
    dgilner Posts: 120 Member
    Hi Carla -
    Unfortunately my husband and I have buried two boys since 2006. We lost Maguire at 8 months in 2006 and Titus was a stillborn in 2009 at 25 weeks. They are buried right next to one another. I'd love to team up with you - and support one another. Anyone else who joins this thread and is in the same boat - add me as well if you'd like!
    Thanks for posting the thread Carla.
    Hugs
    Dawn
  • koylefam
    koylefam Posts: 142 Member
    At my 5 month ultrasound we learned our baby had what is called Trisomy 18. She carried to term and this past March survived delivery giving our family a miraculous 20 minutes of life..... I feel strongly that you chooose how to ddeal with life. and while yes I crry sometimes... I am going to devote my life to being the type of mother she would need me to be if she is here.......
  • LucieBear
    LucieBear Posts: 117 Member
    So sorry for your loss.

    I do not have children, but my godson was the closest person to me... he was the son I should of had. A 4 months ago, he took his own life at the young age of 23. This has been the hardest thing I had to face in my life. Again this morning I cried all the way to work. When I got the news, I accompanied his parents (sister-in-law and brother-in-law) for a 15 hour drive to where he was. I still don't understand his action, but we have to accept it.

    As for my weight loss, I use to eat my emotions, since that day everytime I felt very down instead of eating I went for walks and cried. So I changed my eating emotions to walking my emotions..(first the first few months I walked alot). I had great support from friends and my husband was amazing.

    I would love to help and support you and others in same situation. As people say time heals, but we will never be the same as there is a big hole in our hearts.

    Take care Carla, lets keep in touch!

    Lucie
  • ShinigamiJohan
    ShinigamiJohan Posts: 7
    I haven't got any kids but I can't even imagine what is must be like to lose one. My best friend's little sister died of cancer a few years back and during that time I tried to be there for my bf as much as I could. I saw what it did to her parents. Her mum actually lost tons of weight, to the point of it being unhealthy (she must've weighed like 110 lbs, which is seriously low for a 5"8 woman.) I suppose it effects people differently.

    Stay strong, even during those hard times. You can do it!
  • kylielouttit
    kylielouttit Posts: 512 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart hurts seeing this.

    My husband and I had a miscarriage 6 or 7 years ago and that was heartbreaking enough.
  • soariels
    soariels Posts: 33 Member
    Yes. This is my little angel, Stevie, in the picture with me. He was 8 months old when he died in January of '09. I had finally taken off my baby weight and I would exercise alongside him as he bounced in his jumper or relaxed in his swing. It was devastating when my perfectly healthy son died for no apparent reason (SIDS). It's been a pendulum of weight gain and loss since then with a lot of emotions. I frequently just want to give up, but I know that if I eat what I want and don't exercise then I will still never be satisfied and I will just get bigger and bigger. To top it off I've been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant again for over 2 years now (both my husband and I have been checked out and are completely fertile).

    I am touched by the posts so far. I'm so sorry for your losses.

    @Dawn...I can't imagine...it's my worst fear that it will happen again. I am so, so sorry :-(
  • Siy26
    Siy26 Posts: 6 Member
    Oh God, my condolences to you and the family and everyone here that's been through this.

    My Uncle and Aunt did loss their only one Boy, 15yrs old. My family did a nice birthday party back then and one month after that he was gone. MDs said he had a stroke (so young right, but) He was my only cousin, boy, in my Mother's family as its very short our family and what can I say, it's going to be 11 years now in September that happened and it was like yesterday. I was probably 11-12 yrs old and still affect the loss of my only one cousin, he was like a brother to me and now that I'm a Mom of a 2 yr old, I can't see my self and their shoes. It's too much.

    But I always says, God knows his reasons why he takes away this young children and we need to be as strong as possible because we will be with them one day.

    God Bless you all and do not lose your faith.
  • scubacat
    scubacat Posts: 346 Member
    I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of these little ones. My condolences to everyone going through this.

    My first daughter was stillborn, ilosing her was the hardest thing I have ever gone through.

    If anyone needs some extra support, please feel free to add me. I am really touched by these stories.
  • BigBadVooDooBob
    BigBadVooDooBob Posts: 57
    18 years ago my wife and I lost our second born son, Sam, when he was 6 days old. He had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, which means the left side of his heart did not develop properly. I still feel the effects of it today, although time has allowed me to view our six days with him as a gift. I will pass along to you some of the things I have learned from this and I hope it helps or makes sense to you.

    People will tell you they know how you feel, but they really don't, at least not completely. It was your child and your memories. They aren't trying to be mean, they just don't know what else to say.

    It is important to seek help in dealing with this. I denied my need for help for a long time and finally blew up one day a few months later. There is absolutely no shame in seeking help. This help can consist of counseling, medication or both.

    It is different for the mother than the father. You had your child for nine months longer than the dad did. This is not to take anything away from his grief, but it is different.

    You will get through this.

    You will meet some amazingly considerate and thoughtful people.

    Eventually, the good days will outnumber the bad.

    It is okay to sob uncontrollably.

    I'll say this one again: It is okay to seek professional help to deal with this.
  • CarlaRG
    CarlaRG Posts: 264
    Wow, I am overwhelmed at all the responses. My heart breaks for each of you. I really don't know how to go about starting a group or anything like that on here but I want us to have a safe place to share those emotions that people who haven't lost a child simply don't understand. Some days are good. Some days are great. Some days are ok and some are horrible. That's normal and it's allowed. The question is, do we allow ourselves to remain in that down state? How do you climb out of it?

    A dear friend gave me a piece of advice that I still cling to. She said "cry when you have to, laugh when you can and don't feel guilty for either". That's not always easy, but we have to try.

    My situation is a bit different. My son, Aaron was 19 when he was killed in a house fire. Someone was drunk and fell asleep with a lit cigarette. Aaron was the only one who didn't make it out. That was Jan of 09. Aaron loved life and loved to laugh and smile and goof off. I know for a fact that he would laugh at me for crying over him. Actually he'd probably give me a raspberry on my cheek or pull his shirt over my head, then laugh at me. :-)

    Anyway, I know I don't have all the answers. I know I can't take away anyones pain. but I'm here to talk to, vent on, cry with or pray for you. We all have an unfortunate bond but lets use it to help others not feel so alone.

    Love to all
    Carla
  • Jennjenn1974
    Jennjenn1974 Posts: 350 Member
    Just wanted to tag this so I could find it later
  • dgilner
    dgilner Posts: 120 Member
    Just wanted to offer a few things to each of you.
    One idea I put into action was starting a 5K run (the Maguire Gilner Angel Day Run) in memory of my boys. It was an amazing event to honor not just my son but all the angel babies. If you want more information about that you can see our website: The Maguire Gilner Angel Day 5K Run (& Walk)
    http://MaguireGilnerAngelDayRun.webs.com/ Wouldnt it be cool if you all came to run with me next spring?? Or start a 5K in memory of your precious babies. We use the fund to help other local grieving parents purchase headstones for their children.

    Also - I am a counselor by trade and have articles about grief and supporting those who are grieving on my website. I wrote a book that was published earlier this year called "I Miss His Everything" about our loss. These free artcles as well as information about my book are on my website: http://www.dawngilner.com/Articles_Books.html

    We love releasing balloons for our babies on their birthdays and angel days. We handed out lily bulbs to our friends and family to plant in memory of our babies. Each spring I get pictures and notes from all over of Maguire's Lily - or Titus's Lily. It helps me hear of their tiny precious memories being kept alive.

    I wish that none of you belonged to this group - but would love to help support one another. Please feel free to add me if you feel the same way.
  • KayteeBear
    KayteeBear Posts: 1,040 Member
    I just want to put my condolences out to all of you. I haven't had any children yet so I have no idea what it must feel like. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you as you go through life every day.
  • Stoicus
    Stoicus Posts: 34 Member
    I lost my son when he was four months old, cot death (SIDS), in 2003. I can say now, looking back that it crippled me emotionally. I became a shut in, my weight ballooned and I eventually took antidepressants to try and function for my daughter, who was just three at the time. I swore I would never have another baby or entertain the thought. I was a zombie going from day to day, I'd say it was awful, but I didn't feel enough to know how awful it was, I'd shut down.

    I can't say when, but eventually I just wanted more. I started trying new things again and getting out of the house. I stopped thinking 'never again' and started thinking 'maybe'. I now have a bright two and half year old boy. But sometimes when I look at him, I feel the pain of the loss and it hurts like hell. I still want to 'eat the pain away' but I am trying to regain a sense of wellbeing and health, not just for myself, but for my family. It is hard, it has been hard, but I don't see it as recovery or getting over the grief, just learning to live with it.

    I would be more than happy to help and support anyone whose had such a loss, vis a group or friends, facebook or whatever medium.

    What an awful thing for us to have in common.
  • jjclem07
    jjclem07 Posts: 127 Member
    Seems many of us are or have been there. I still miss Holden to this day and I wish that maybe if I did one thing different, he would still be here today at age 13..driving his father and I nuts. Sorry to all who have experienced the same loss as I and many others have.
  • LucieBear
    LucieBear Posts: 117 Member
    During this hard time.. people would say life will get back to normal, time will heal... I do believe that for one exception.. eventhoug we do get back to our lives - the hole in our heart and in our life remains. My parents lost 3 children in a fire in 1964, (I was born in 1965), till this day my parents say there is always something missing, now with the lost of my godson-nephew, I completely understand what they mean..
  • aschirmer3692
    aschirmer3692 Posts: 11 Member
    koylefam wrote: »
    At my 5 month ultrasound we learned our baby had what is called Trisomy 18. She carried to term and this past March survived delivery giving our family a miraculous 20 minutes of life..... I feel strongly that you chooose how to ddeal with life. and while yes I crry sometimes... I am going to devote my life to being the type of mother she would need me to be if she is here.......


    I am sorry for your loss. My daughter also has trisomy 18. I am very very fortunate she will be 7 years old this year.She does have MAJOR medical issues however. I'm here if you need a friend. Thinking of you and your angel. hugs♡
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