Help! Self Sabotage

reinventingjessica11 · June 2016

Anybody ever successfully deal with self sabotaging behavior? A little back story...I've been dealing with binge eating for quite some time now, as in probably the past 10 years. I sought out professional help after realizing I was getting nowhere on my own, and haven't binged in almost 2 years. My therapist doesn't think I should be dieting, but I'm ready to get to a healthy weight, and I can't do it without dieting as I'm hypothyroid and insulin resistant.

I started back on mfp on the 25th, and lost 4 pounds my first week. I set my calorie goal at 1800 so I wouldn't feel like I'm dieting and that's working out great. BUT...it's almost like there's a part of me that is afraid to lose if that makes any sense. I've been overweight for so long, and have so many negative emotions attached to being thinner I just can't seem to move past. I know I just need to keep at it, but sheesh I'm tired of it already. I'm only 32 and I feel like I put my whole life on hold because of unhappiness... why can't I just get it together and stick to it. So far I've maintained my 30 pound loss for a year, and I have 90ish to go. It just seems like a never ending cycle.

Sorry for the venting, I realize that there's no real question in this post. I guess I just needed to let it out and see if anyone else here struggles with this.

mommazach · June 2016

As long as you are doing it the healthy way, it's okay to be thinner. 1800 calories is a lot for weight loss though for a woman. Depends on your height too though. I'm at 1200 cals a day, and exercise daily. I eat back about half of my exercise calories and I am gradually losing at a slower pace.

reinventingjessica11 · June 2016

Thanks @mommazach I'm 5'5 and weigh 238. I exercise daily and according to my hrm I burn about 600 calories on average which I don't eat back and have not plugged into my initial set up. I set my calories that high because lower targets tend to send me into binge mode and I don't typically eat all of my calories anyway. It's more of a mental tactic so to speak.

walking2running · June 2016

Self-sabotage is a common theme among those of us who are struggle with weight issues. I can relate. I am close to your age (30) and I was overweight or obese for all of my adult life, up until April 2016. Even now, while technically in the normal weight range, the struggle isn't any easier. I struggle with overeating on a daily basis. I fully recognize that it is a mind game. I don't fully understand the reasons why I overeat. It must be a combination of being so used to using food as a coping mechanism and a whole lot of self-doubt.

It boils down to the fact that I think eventually I will screw up and regain the weight. When I have those feelings of being an imposter in my skinnier body, it drives me to eat. It is the definition of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I have committed to logging/tracking all of my food intake. But, I self-sabotage by taking bites of food here and there and by sneaking in food throughout the day, making it difficult to accomplish my goal.

I treat each day as a new day and as an opportunity to do better. I am hoping it will get easier but I recognize that it may not, and I will have to commit each day to do a little better.

reinventingjessica11 · June 2016

@walking2running Thank you so much! That's exactly how I'm feeling...it is definitely like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I realize this is something I will struggle with for the rest of my life, I just wish I knew how to turn off the negative thoughts telling me I can't keep this up. I'm definitely making sure I log everything I put into my mouth and trying not to give in and stop tracking period. You're so right, each day is an opportunity to do better, and I will remember to do just what you said..commit to do a little better.

amanda000002014 · June 2016

Mindfulness is a good way to get through self- fulfilling prophecy. Being aware of your thoughts there quite a few ways to practice this some sit and practice this put I try to do it through out my day. While I am washing dishes, going for walks ect. Anyways, become aware of your breathing, let the thoughts come but don't judge them; just recognize them as thoughts. When emotions rise let them be; just recognize them as emotions. I have put it in my daily practice as much as I can. It takes a lot of practice. I have found that there is nothing wrong with feeling bad just what I do with it. There is a lot of you tube videos that give good information about this practice.

mwalle09 · June 2016

I know what you mean, I often self sabotage myself and binge eating is all too real to me. I think the toughest thing is realizing what you are doing in the moment and trying to deal with stress in different, more healthy ways.

Vicxie86 · June 2016

I wouldn't say i have the same problem you do (or maybe i'm just in denial lol) but i've found myself eating 4 snicker bars at once just because it's there, this was when i first started mfp and once i went/go over my kcal for the day, well, there is/was no stopping me. I used to/still do i have to say, eat out of boredom or just cos my mouth isn't busy, i'd get up and get some biscuit or ice cream or whatever junk i have in the house. Now, i try to keep them out (out of sight isn't always out of mind) but i sometimes lose control on moderation when it comes to junk food, therefore it is best for me not to keep it in the house.

Watching what you eat can seem like a chore sometimes but since YOU decided to start on this journey, there must be a reason for it. Try to remind yourself of that every time you feel like sabotaging yourself.

Indygirl_81 · June 2016

I have found myself to be a binge eater at times, also. I have recently restarted and am working on this along with other issues. I am currently set at 1200 cals and walk or run at least a mile daily. I have found that I feel less of an urge to binge/eat poorly if I eat less carbs/starch/sugar. I allow myself some carbs earlier in the day, but try to get additional carbs through fruits/veggies from lunch/dinner/snacks. I also don't keep stuff in my house that would help sabotage because it would be gone. Another thing I have found is that I am more likely to go to a fast food place if I don't eat before I leave work, so I make sure to eat something or drink a small protein shake. Good luck and feel free to add me for support.

JeromeBarry1 · June 2016

For a long time I also may have been 'afraid to lose'. I certainly was willing to remain large. I know that I was ignorant of "how" to healthily lose weight. I did have a good enough reason to search for and find mfp in January, and within a few weeks I had confidence in understanding the "how" of eating for good health. Even then it took longer to better understand the "how" of properly weighing and logging food to get the best health results, and I'm still tweaking my understanding of this best understanding of "how" to do this. I do know that I'm getting better, learning about food, nutrition, health, exercise, wellness, and yes even some woo. There's no more trace of ignorance-based fear.

Help! Self Sabotage

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