Lost my self love and respect

I've regressed and lost the ability to love and respect myself. This has manifested into hate, wanting love/respect from others through destructive behaviour, and bad eating habits.

However I remembered a time when I was positive, Kind and strong. It fuelled my passion for exercise and for a better me.

I don't remember how I got there but I know did.

How did you learn to love yourself? Was it a pivotal moment of remorse or was it something else.

I'm hoping someone can point me in that direction or jog a memory.


  • stacysjourney
    stacysjourney Posts: 52 Member
    A few years ago I was emotionally distraught, and I hated myself. At that point I couldn't tell you one nice thing about myself. I didn't eat or do much of anything but cry. I got up one day and looked in the mirror and noticed I had lost weight. Started walking and looking at myself in the mirror everyday and had to tell myself two good things about myself to myself. Going through that made me stronger and I slowly learned to love myself. Honestly it came down to me forgiving myself and giving myself permission to love and be loved again. My husband had emotionally cheated at me and it crushed my very being! I had to reinvent myself again. I started volunteering again which I love! At one point I was in such pain I dropped to my knees and prayed for strength and patience. I made it through it and I have to take good care of this gift of life because I'm worth it. So are you!
  • Maria_Fatima
    Maria_Fatima Posts: 238 Member
    I looked back at my old journals and diaries and old pictures and made a list of things i liked to do at the time when i loved myself. I didn't want to do those things then, because I didn't have the motivation but I convinced myself to go for the easiest of them. When i tried, i did enjoy and the associated memories brought back very positive feelings. I started getting in touch with my old friends too and thought about why my mentality was wrong.
    Took time but I got back there.
  • besaro
    besaro Posts: 1,858 Member
    i pretty much hate myself too and find it nearly impossible to be kind to myself. Destructive behavior is my go-to and since its no longer food, its other things. to combat some of my hate-speech i try and find ways to be grateful for things around me. its a coping mechanism but i do find comfort in it. hopefully one day ill be able to turn gratitude inward with enough practice. good luck, you are worthy.
  • Psychgrrl
    Psychgrrl Posts: 3,177 Member
    OK folks, making me cry in the gym is not cool! :heartbreak: "No one cries alone in my presence." - "Steel Magnolias" MFP discussions are how I make sure I take my rest time between sets when lifting.

    I don't know what's happened to bring you to this point. What trauma and harm you have experienced to generate these feelings of self-loathing and self-destructiveness. For what it's worst, I'm truly sorry for whatever has occurred in your lives to pull these terrible thoughts to the forefront of your minds.

    What I can tell you is that you're not alone in feeling this way. Most people have, more than once, myself included. There is no shame in feeling you've lost your way.

    The important thing is recognizing where you are and finding ways to shift your thoughts from the negative self talk when it occurs. A gratitude journal is one way I do this, too. Talking to a licensed mental health professional is a great way to develop coping mechanisms.

    I listen to music. Making dated playlists which contain specific songs in a certain order to represent how I feel that day helps. Writing helps. Being outside helps. Work helps. I'm fortunate to be in a position to help others through my job. No victory is too small to count. #IMadeADifferenceToThatOne Even if it's just seeing strangers light up when I compliment their dress/shoes/outfit/whatever.

    We had a vigil this week for the victims of the violence in Orlando. One of the speakers asked us to take out our phones and take selfie and to look at it each night and tell ourselves we are loved and we make a difference. And to do the same thing each morning. And then to go out and make that difference. Everything matters. Everything is important. And so are you.
  • Myztikal_
    Myztikal_ Posts: 32 Member
    Thank you for the kind replies.

    Realising what is become is the best step. The fact I found it before is comforting and motivating to push through to a better place.
  • RosemaryBronte
    RosemaryBronte Posts: 103 Member
    Every time you think one mean thing about yourself, I want you to give yourself 3 compliments, given in the sincere friendly way you would give them to other people. Treat yourself as an honoured guest in your own life. Be courteous and encouraging to yourself. Think of some treats for yourself and know that the people on MFP are glad that you are being good to yourself. Right now, please go and make yourself a nice cup of tea, sit in a comfy chair and enjoy the interesting flavour of tea. Also keep an eye out for small blessings that life might provide unexpectedly once you start treating yourself better.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
    “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.”
  • SmokerOfDoobies
    SmokerOfDoobies Posts: 10 Member
    Charlie Chaplin – as I began to love myself

    As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

    As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

    As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.

    As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

    As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

    As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

    As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

    As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

    As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

    We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!