How can I stay focus with weight loss when I have been dealing with the death of love ones?

I lost a niece to breast cancer 2 years ago. I lost my favorite sister last year she was diagnosed with kidney cancer and it spread all over her body. I was also diagnosed with kidney cancer and had my kidney surgically removed, fortunately it was confined only to my right kidney. I lost another sister 2 weeks ago, she had a bad heart and cancer spot on her lungs. She had radiation treatments but to no avail. One of my brothers has cancer and it is in the 4th stage and he has 6 months to a year to live. It has been very hard to keep up with my food intake and journal it and exercise. How can I stay focus and record in Myfitness Pal, loose weight, and exercise?

Replies

  • solska
    solska Posts: 348 Member
    I'm so sorry for your losses... if you see your efforts here as taking care of yourself and being healthy rather than weight loss, it might help. And treat yourself to nice things when you achieve stuff like logging for two weeks etc.

  • Look upon this time as something positive, for you. Something stable and predictable amidst the chaos.

    My dad was unexpectedly diagnosed with very advanced cancer in February and died suddenly in March. My goal was to keep logging everything and not stress as much over what I ate or what the calories were. I continued to wear my Fitbit every day as well. The routine, even though I didn't think of it this way at the time, helped beyond just continuing to manage my weight.

    I initially had no appetite, so there was no issue. Once the desire to devour everything kicked in, I gave myself permission to have a few days of eating recklessly and then set my calorie target to a smaller deficit. I also used all my Fitbit calories when previously I did not. Now I'm working on habit-building again and getting more produce and activity back in. I have continued to lose weight through these last three months (some stalled weeks and a couple of gains along the way), and that has given me a lot of hope when it comes to permanently managing my weight.

    Basically, log. Eat at maintenance if you need to. Give yourself permission to loosen up a bit, but keep up the basics. For me, that was logging and simply continuing to wear the Fitbit with no pressure on the numbers at first.

  • dec32015
    dec32015 Posts: 7 Member
    Thank you all for your condolences. The advice and support given to me was very helpful. I am feeling a little better and I have started to log in my food and exercise but still not everyday. I have this sugar craving or addiction that I am still dealing with do you have any thoughts on that too. I am seeking counseling for my grief, depression, loneliness and sugar addiction. Thanks again
  • katiestenton
    katiestenton Posts: 28 Member
    I'm so sorry :( i always find that when i eat healthy my mood liftens, so maybe that would help you feel a bit more positive (difficult i know!) ive read lots on the Whole30 diet, it is basically 30 days of healthy eating, but you dont weigh yourself or count calories for the 30 days, maybe that would be good for you as you wouldnt have to log everything? All the information about it is online and free. I haven't done the full 30 days yet but have done a few days at a time and felt great! Lots of love to you x
  • pebble4321
    pebble4321 Posts: 1,132 Member
    I'm so sorry to hear that you are dealing with so many losses in such a short space of time.
    I think that all you can do is just do your best each day, but don't feel bad if you can't keep logging accurately every single day. Maybe pre-planning your meals for the day ahead might make the day a little easier because you don't need to spend time or energy on thinking about what to eat when you are caught up in everything that is happening.
    And from my own experience when my mum was in hospice for three months before she passed away - try to make time for some exercise as often as you can. I took up running while she was sick and I think it really did keep me sane for a while there. Not that you have to run.. but any exercise that you enjoy can only be a good thing.

    Good luck
  • trjjoy
    trjjoy Posts: 666 Member
    My heart goes out to you, OP <3

    I have recently (2 weeks ago as of today) lost my dad to cancer. One of my sister in laws was recently diagnosed with cancer. One of my friends (she is 33!) recently went for her first round of chemo.

    You just gotta keep on keeping on. I'd like to suggest you read some Stoic writers. Take up a hobby. Stay focused and busy. Surround yourself with love and positivity. Go for a run.

    You CAN do this. We are here for support and love and understanding. And we are also here for some tough love <3
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    I'm so sorry for everything you've had to go through. My best advice is just to keep things as simple and flexible as possible. And also realize you can be strong, but there may be times when you really need rest and/or a treat, rather than perfectly sticking to your plan. Above all, do the best you can to take care of yourself.
  • bellabonbons
    bellabonbons Posts: 705 Member
    Easy. Don't use food as a comfort. Take responsibility for your health. A choice that we all are faced with.
  • lbride
    lbride Posts: 248 Member
    I would just focus on eating healthy and not counting; now is not the time to focus on the minutia of calories.
  • dec32015
    dec32015 Posts: 7 Member
    Thanks again for the additional comments. Unfortunately, my brother passed away June 1 and we had his funeral on his birthday June 11. I am going to start back logging everyday and exercising at least 6 days a week. Sorry to say I feel a little relieved. My brother is not complaining and not in any pain anymore. It was very stressful for me the hospitals, nursing home, hospice, planning the funeral and repast. I feel a little comfort that he is at peace and with God. I have gained weight during this ordeal and I will weigh myself officially when I go to Curves tomorrow. I also have an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow and a therapist Wednesday. Loosing a niece 2 years ago. Loosing two sisters and a brother in 1 year has taken its toll on me. Hopefully, I can start over, I actually weighed 217 pounds at my highest point. I lost 50 pounds in last 4 years. People don't recognize me when they see me at first glance. I don't want to go back. When I checked my home scale it looks like I have gain 7 pounds since I last weighed myself for Myfitnesspal. I still need support and encouragment during this grieving process.
  • Losewtforlife4him
    Losewtforlife4him Posts: 423 Member
    I am so very sorry for all of your losses...so close together too. Praying right now for God to be so close to you and bring you peace as only He can do. I know how grief can do this when my dad died. I think food is used for comfort many times and then it can get to the point of taking a toll on how we feel if eating too much sugar. When I eat too much sugar, I find that I get even more emotional and cry than I would had I not eaten it or so much of it. It's like a little toddler who has eaten too much candy and then cries and cries, lol. I am like that toddler when I've had excess sugar. :smile: as some others have already said, it is important to take care of yourself during this time. But allow yourself time to grieve too. Don't be hard on yourself during an already very difficult time. If I've learned anything with weight loss...we go through lots of seasons! Some are bright and some very dark. We just pick up when we are ready and do the best we can do with God's strength that he gives us for each new day. I pray that you feel the strength and arms of Jesus holding you close during this difficult time.
  • EmilyHughes801
    EmilyHughes801 Posts: 63 Member
    I went through the same thing a couple months ago. Both grandparents in my mother's side passed away within 11 days of each other (their love story is way better than all the Hollywood movies) anyways I got stressed and their was endless amount of comfort food. Cookies, cake, bread, pastas, soup, fries, etc. if it was around I ate it. I gained about 5 pounds writhing those few weeks and am still trying to lose that weight plus the holiday weight. So try for control, which I wish I had. But now I know...control is key. Eat a little comfort food because of this ordeal but eat mostly healthy and try to squeeze in some yoga or some relaxing exercise.
  • dlkfox
    dlkfox Posts: 463 Member
    What heavy grief to bear! I am so sorry for all your losses.

    It sounds like you are on the right track for taking care of yourself with professionals and taking control of your weight. You can do this. Just take it one day at a time. You'll get through.

    Mentally sending you a big hug.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    @dec32015, I am so sorry for your losses.
  • BlueberryWatermelon
    BlueberryWatermelon Posts: 73 Member
    I'm so sorry, OP. That sounds like a very difficult situation. Don't be too hard on yourself for not logging perfectly. Just do the best you can and give yourself the space to work through your emotions. Perhaps exercise can help take your mind off things for a few hours a week? Sending lots of hugs.
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,626 Member
    my husband killed himself a month ago tomorrow. While i havent been logging, i have been still watching what i eat and havent gained anything.

    previous to that, i lost both my grandparents who i provided hospice care for and lived with for most of last year. i didnt lose my streak until last month. All while running a business, having 2 kids, 2 dogs, a slew of cats and normal regular life issues.

    life happens. death happens. *kitten* happens. we are still here and have to care for ourselves.
  • redrdghood40
    redrdghood40 Posts: 13 Member
    It's hard. I lost my mother to a very aggressive cancer 5 yrs ago. It was only 2 months from diagnosis to death. We were all in shock. I had lost 70 lbs up to then. Being an emotional eater, I started eating more carbs, sweets and eating too frequently. In 3 yrs, I had gained 45 lbs. 2 yrs ago I started working on it very diligently and as of today, I have lost the 45. When I said I had lost that weight, an emotional tug made me feel like I had lost my mother all over again. I had to remind myself that that weight was not my mother and holding onto it would not bring her back. My mom would want me to lose this weight and be healthy.

    I'm sorry to hear your story. I am a cancer survivor. Remember that they want you to be healthy and strong.

    Be well.
    Gwen
  • akamran1
    akamran1 Posts: 78 Member
    My condolences, to OP and others -- I also know what it's like to lose multiple people in a short time span. I agree with the advice to log and exercise. Logging keeps you in touch with yourself, even when you feel like things are spiraling out of control. And exercise keeps you sane; HIIT cardio for depression is what I found most helpful. (I found yoga and other contemplative things impossible at that time -- too much time in my head, which was a bad place to be then.)
  • 9999anna
    9999anna Posts: 5 Member
    I can't even imagine what you're through, but I've just lost my mother after a devastating long illness. Her conditions begun to deteriorate 10 months ago and my immediate reaction was: one hour exercise a day (indoor cycling and calisthenics at home, early morning or late evening!!) and regaining my healthy weight. I was compelled to do it, I needed to be strong for my family and for myself. Pure survival istinct. It gives you a tiny tiny reason to be happy everyday and how much you need it!!! My best wishes for everything