Just too hard today...
ElizabethOakes2
Posts: 1,038 Member
A family member is dying tonight of a swiftly metastasizing cancer.
I've done okay, mostly, even with the hectic 16 hour drive to get here, eating the junk in the hospital cafeteria, irregular schedules, lack of sleep, etc. I even managed my 5 mile powerwalk yesterday, but right now, I'm just so tired. And I'm hungry and sad. And I can handle hungry, or sad, or tired, but not all together.
I'm usually the first one to give myself a break, say it's okay to eat at maintenance a couple days, but I'm surrounded by family that hasn't seen me in months, or even years, and they're all exclaiming about how much weight I've lost and how good I look, and what an inspiration I am to them. And the whole time, I'm just thinking, MAAAN! I want to eat every stupid Oreo in that stupid vending machine! I want to curl up in a ball and not move for hours, no matter what my stupid Vivofit tells me! This is too hard!
Okay, I'm done now. I just needed to get that out away from the family bubble. Thanks for listening!
I've done okay, mostly, even with the hectic 16 hour drive to get here, eating the junk in the hospital cafeteria, irregular schedules, lack of sleep, etc. I even managed my 5 mile powerwalk yesterday, but right now, I'm just so tired. And I'm hungry and sad. And I can handle hungry, or sad, or tired, but not all together.
I'm usually the first one to give myself a break, say it's okay to eat at maintenance a couple days, but I'm surrounded by family that hasn't seen me in months, or even years, and they're all exclaiming about how much weight I've lost and how good I look, and what an inspiration I am to them. And the whole time, I'm just thinking, MAAAN! I want to eat every stupid Oreo in that stupid vending machine! I want to curl up in a ball and not move for hours, no matter what my stupid Vivofit tells me! This is too hard!
Okay, I'm done now. I just needed to get that out away from the family bubble. Thanks for listening!
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Replies
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Good for you! Family is hard; family around death is super hard. You're doing GREAT! Deep breaths and peace, my dear.1
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We gotcha, girl. Do what you can with where you are and what you have. I'm sorry for your struggle. Peace to you and your family.1
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Thanks, gang. *hugs*0
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That's a lot to deal with, but you've got it! I know what you mean, seeing family can be outrageously stressful; also a death. But we're here for you and you can do it!!!0
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