Just too hard today...

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ElizabethOakes2
ElizabethOakes2 Posts: 1,038 Member
in Motivation and Support
A family member is dying tonight of a swiftly metastasizing cancer.
I've done okay, mostly, even with the hectic 16 hour drive to get here, eating the junk in the hospital cafeteria, irregular schedules, lack of sleep, etc. I even managed my 5 mile powerwalk yesterday, but right now, I'm just so tired. And I'm hungry and sad. And I can handle hungry, or sad, or tired, but not all together.
I'm usually the first one to give myself a break, say it's okay to eat at maintenance a couple days, but I'm surrounded by family that hasn't seen me in months, or even years, and they're all exclaiming about how much weight I've lost and how good I look, and what an inspiration I am to them. And the whole time, I'm just thinking, MAAAN! I want to eat every stupid Oreo in that stupid vending machine! I want to curl up in a ball and not move for hours, no matter what my stupid Vivofit tells me! This is too hard!

Okay, I'm done now. I just needed to get that out away from the family bubble. Thanks for listening!

Replies

  • rosebarnalice
    rosebarnalice Posts: 3,488 Member
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    Good for you! Family is hard; family around death is super hard. You're doing GREAT! Deep breaths and peace, my dear.
  • nevertoooldtodoit
    nevertoooldtodoit Posts: 45 Member
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    We gotcha, girl. Do what you can with where you are and what you have. I'm sorry for your struggle. Peace to you and your family.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    <3
  • ElizabethOakes2
    ElizabethOakes2 Posts: 1,038 Member
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    Thanks, gang. *hugs*
  • mrschwarten
    mrschwarten Posts: 194 Member
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    That's a lot to deal with, but you've got it! I know what you mean, seeing family can be outrageously stressful; also a death. But we're here for you and you can do it!!!

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