Staying on track during grievement.. Need support

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whitneyyd33
whitneyyd33 Posts: 14 Member
in Chit-Chat
So, I had a very tragic loss in my family last month and completely fell off track, my brother, 28, was grasped by angels before making it to the hospital on May 12 after getting into a motorcycle accident less then a mile down the street.. So everyday multiple times a day, I pass the scene.. Everyday I have memories pouring through my head and I can barely stay focused on everyday things. I started going back to the gym Monday. Still eating like complete *kitten*. It feels good that I'm back at the gym, but I cannot get my eating under control, idk if it's emotional eating or if it's because my brother loves food and didn't care about calories or exercise really and whenever I was with him it always involved food.
In general I'm looking for a bigger support system..
But I'm in need of a few supporters that have went through sibling loss, maybe even at a young age, since I'm 21.
Sibling loss is looked passed because obviously any parent who loses a child is going through way more pain then the sibling.
I'm not searching for sympathy really, just support in an extremely difficult situation.
I do have a support system at home but I just want some outsiders that can lift my spirits on *kitten* days.
Please feel free to add me.

Replies

  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,089 Member
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    I'm so sorry for you loss
  • whitneyyd33
    whitneyyd33 Posts: 14 Member
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    Thank you
  • WBB55
    WBB55 Posts: 4,131 Member
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    I'm so sorry. I found support by spending time with people who loved me. Even if we didn't talk. Most people understand grief and will let you just hang out and not make demands on you.
  • whitneyyd33
    whitneyyd33 Posts: 14 Member
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    Thank you guys.
    And honestly I wish I did have time to go to church, especially now because I need to get baptized(I'm baptist so we don't do it until we're 16 and I just never did) but I work 65 hour work weeks.
  • RainaProske
    RainaProske Posts: 636 Member
    edited June 2016
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    whitneyyd33 wrote: »
    Thank you guys.
    And honestly I wish I did have time to go to church, especially now because I need to get baptized(I'm baptist so we don't do it until we're 16 and I just never did) but I work 65 hour work weeks.
    If this is your belief, Honey, you need to take time out for yourself and just get baptized. I'll admit it: I am concerned about you working that many hours. Is this an internship or something, forcing you to work like that? Is there someone who can step in and help you with this matter?
    Regarding going through this grief, I have not yet lost a sibling to death, but I am the youngest of five at age 67. It could happen. But I did lost a husband, so I have some idea of loss.
    Since you are a believer, I will be praying for you -- okay?
  • whitneyyd33
    whitneyyd33 Posts: 14 Member
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    _A_Real_Mouthful wrote: »
    its hard when you lose someone unexpectedly. understandable you wouldn't feel up to counting calories at this point. i remember i set a date at one point that i wanted to start doing a certain thing by and then on from there. helped me out a bit.

    just gotta remember that they'd want you to live your life happily i'm sure. eating healthy, taking care of yourself, stands to reason it'd give you more life to live in the end.

    good luck.

    Thank you so much.
  • Keepcalmanddontblink
    Keepcalmanddontblink Posts: 718 Member
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    I just passed the 14th anniversary of my little brothers death involving a motorcycle accident. He was in a coma for a week before he died. It still hurts like hell.

    There are 5 stages of grief and they will happen in no particular order and there is no timeline in which you have to get through each step. I still go back and fourth between anger and denial. In my head he's alive out there somewhere and too busy with a family to keep in touch. I am still angry at my dad for not telling me that Eric was home the night he died and they spent two hours talking before he left and died. I don't even remember the last thing I said to him.

    I am glad you are making it to the gym. The endorphins will help and I snarfed down a lot of food after my brother died, and than even more when my parents split up. It may just be part of your grieving process.

    Maybe your place of work provides a therapist in the health benefits that could offer some grief counseling to help you through. Just do not let anyone tell you that you need to get over it already. There is no expiration date on dealing with the loss of a loved one.
  • whitneyyd33
    whitneyyd33 Posts: 14 Member
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    RainaProske wrote: »
    whitneyyd33 wrote: »
    Thank you guys.
    And honestly I wish I did have time to go to church, especially now because I need to get baptized(I'm baptist so we don't do it until we're 16 and I just never did) but I work 65 hour work weeks.
    If this is your belief, Honey, you need to take time out for yourself and just get baptized. I'll admit it: I am concerned about you working that many hours. Is this an internship or something, forcing you to work like that? Is there someone who can step in and help you with this matter?
    Regarding going through this grief, I have not yet lost a sibling to death, but I am the youngest of five at age 67. It could happen. But I did lost a husband, so I have some idea of loss.
    Since you are a believer, I will be praying for you -- okay?
    I try but I work Sunday's all day. I'm a hair stylist and I choose to work most of the hours. But I'm fully booked all the days I work. but I'm the main Sunday girl and it's hard to even get off for anything on Sunday's. But I have a lot of bills and have to pay them and then I'm saving for a house. I mean it's worth working the hours because it's rewarding with the money I end up with at the end. My work was really good when everything happened but I came back very close to the death because I couldn't sit at home anymore. It's just a wierd situation, bc I didn't care about getting baptized until this all happened. My brother wasn't baptized and my mom was freaking out with everything and him not getting baptized in order to make it to heaven. And now I just realize anything can happen to anyone at anytime and God forbid something happens to me, i want my mom at ease knowing I'll make it to heaven
  • whitneyyd33
    whitneyyd33 Posts: 14 Member
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    sunn_lighter wrote: »
    whitneyyd33 wrote: »
    So, I had a very tragic loss in my family last month and completely fell off track, my brother, 28, was grasped by angels before making it to the hospital on May 12 after getting into a motorcycle accident less then a mile down the street.. So everyday multiple times a day, I pass the scene.. Everyday I have memories pouring through my head and I can barely stay focused on everyday things. I started going back to the gym Monday. Still eating like complete *kitten*. It feels good that I'm back at the gym, but I cannot get my eating under control, idk if it's emotional eating or if it's because my brother loves food and didn't care about calories or exercise really and whenever I was with him it always involved food.
    In general I'm looking for a bigger support system..
    But I'm in need of a few supporters that have went through sibling loss, maybe even at a young age, since I'm 21.
    Sibling loss is looked passed because obviously any parent who loses a child is going through way more pain then the sibling.
    I'm not searching for sympathy really, just support in an extremely difficult situation.
    I do have a support system at home but I just want some outsiders that can lift my spirits on *kitten* days.
    Please feel free to add me.

    it helped me to talk to people going thru the same thing

    if you contact your local hospital they usually have a bereavement counselor on staff (or other name) and can tell you what kind of support groups are offered, hopefully they have one for younger people dealing with loss

    on bad days just put one foot in front of the other and make it through the best you can
    <3

    Thank you ❤️
  • nursecasg
    nursecasg Posts: 123 Member
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    I'm so so sorry that you are going through this. I lost my brother at 18, he was 24. That was many years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday. Yes, you are right that parents are going through a lot of emotions and tend to get the most support. But you need support too. Talk to others who went through it, whatever you do JUST TALK. Dont keep it inside, it is way too much. I kept it inside and it came out in many other ways. Please, Please be kind to yourself, you are going through a life changing event. My heart goes out to you. One day you will look back and have the many good memories, but it is a long walk before you get there.
  • whitneyyd33
    whitneyyd33 Posts: 14 Member
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    nursecasg wrote: »
    I'm so so sorry that you are going through this. I lost my brother at 18, he was 24. That was many years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday. Yes, you are right that parents are going through a lot of emotions and tend to get the most support. But you need support too. Talk to others who went through it, whatever you do JUST TALK. Dont keep it inside, it is way too much. I kept it inside and it came out in many other ways. Please, Please be kind to yourself, you are going through a life changing event. My heart goes out to you. One day you will look back and have the many good memories, but it is a long walk before you get there.

    Thank you so much. I found a small support system of people who have gone through it. Thank you. Xo
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
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    Ouch. Sorry to hear about your brother. When my dad was on his way out, I think the exercise helped me to focus and distracted me from what was going on so it was useful for more than just burning calories.
  • TravisJHunt
    TravisJHunt Posts: 533 Member
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    Sorry to hear, its tough losing the people we love. Don't keep it inside, find people you trust and spend time in their company. I agree with others saying that exercise can be a helpful distraction, especially if it makes you feel good about yourself.
  • RainaProske
    RainaProske Posts: 636 Member
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    whitneyyd33 wrote: »
    I try but I work Sunday's all day. I'm a hair stylist and I choose to work most of the hours. But I'm fully booked all the days I work. but I'm the main Sunday girl and it's hard to even get off for anything on Sunday's. But I have a lot of bills and have to pay them and then I'm saving for a house. I mean it's worth working the hours because it's rewarding with the money I end up with at the end. My work was really good when everything happened but I came back very close to the death because I couldn't sit at home anymore. It's just a wierd situation, bc I didn't care about getting baptized until this all happened. My brother wasn't baptized and my mom was freaking out with everything and him not getting baptized in order to make it to heaven. And now I just realize anything can happen to anyone at anytime and God forbid something happens to me, i want my mom at ease knowing I'll make it to heaven

    Okay. :smile: You are carrying a lot, aren't you? I'm sorry.

    I retired last June from working as a Nazarene pastor's assistant at a church for over 13 years, and this is what their pastor would do for you: Upon understanding your problem, he would make special arrangements for you to be baptized. It doesn't have to be on a Sunday; it could be on any day that the baptismal pool is filled. (As I understand it, all Baptists immerse?)

    Where I worked, they filled the pool on Friday night or Saturday through the day. We've all dived into cool/colder water, so you could consider doing this, whether or not the pool is warm.


    You don't need a whole church to be present; two or three witnesses are enough, even in strong Baptist beliefs. The pastor him/herself can be one of the witnesses.

    As I understand Baptists, the pastor would do anything to see you baptized, and it would not only cause you to obey the Scriptures; it would give you and your mother some real peace of mind. These things would make anything worth it.

    The Nazarene pastor would have even let me use their baptismal pool as a miqvah, once it was filled. I asked one time, he said yes, but I never did it.

    You can do this. :smile:

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