NSV, and I feel sort of strange about it

Thriceshy · July 2011

My poor little niece is quite heavy for her height and age, and is getting heavier every day. Finding nice clothes for her in local stores is tough, unless we want to stick to men's t-shirts and the like. I ordered two shirts for her online, sight unseen, in the hopes they would fit. They were both 24 Ws, which, according to the manufacturer, is something between a 1 and 2 XL. I haven't been in a MEN'S 2XL in years--I wear a 3XL. My few women's shirts are 4 and 5 XLs. But my husband kept saying, "Those would fit you, you know."

He was right. I tried one on, and it fits. A tiny bit snugger than I like on my batwings (I like to say I have dolman arms), but the shirt fit. A 24 W instead of a 30 or 34 W.

And my ubiquitous sweats? Larges and XLs instead of 2 and 3 XLs.

Why do I feel weird, other than I might wind up stealing these shirts? Because I'm still so big. 308 lbs, I mean, come on. I don't know how to feel right now. I'm still so far from where I want to be (and I don't want to be in dreamland, size-wise--my dream is to fit into a pair of 16 or 14 jeans). I don't know how I feel.

But the shirt looked better than my big, baggy t-shirts, at any rate.

Kris

Higglyjiggly64 · July 2011

Can you afford to buy yourself some of those shirts? Obviously, you have been working hard. Getting yourself some of these shirts would serve three purposes. 1) Rewarding yourself for what you have accomplished so far and 2) Giving you a self-esteem boost so that you can feel better about yourself b/c you KNOW you look better in the shirts and 3) Providing motivation to be even better in the long run. TREAT yourself!!!!!! Congrats on fitting into smaller clothes!! No matter the size, they are smaller!

RainyDayKelli · July 2011

Oh, totally treat yourself. And GET RID of those old clothes. Those are not you anymore!!! WTG on your hard work! That is truly awesome.

Heather75 · July 2011

Well done! I'm proud of you.

kriswigg · July 2011

Give yourself a break. You've worked hard, you deserve some credit. If you like the shirts, keep them. Maybe by your positive attitude and efforts, your niece will follow your example. I agree, get rid of the too-big stuff and enjoy the new you!

LauraLLee · July 2011

That is a great thing, and you should wear or buy the new clothes as you need them. I am coming from the same space you are and I have gotten rid of the clothing I don't fit anymore. I am not going back and I deserve to look good while I am getting to were I am going. So do you! Kudos to a job well done!

itsirk1978 · July 2011

CONGRATS!!! That is such a great thing, to realize that you have lost more than you think you did! I agree with the other posts - treat yourself to a couple new things, but if you are planning to keep going don't get too much - you will be out of these before too long! The few new things really will motivate you even more to keep going!

Way To Go!!!

brayaddie · July 2011

That's a huge accomplishment!! Congrats on lower sizes, It feels so good!! I had to tell myself to get rid of the stuff that was to big on me, because I didnt want ANY excuse to go back there!!

Cait_Sidhe · July 2011

Don't feel weird about it! You've accomplished so much! I've only known you a short time, and I'm proud of you. You've already lost a huge amount of weight. If I'm reading correctly, 10 sizes? That's a huge deal! Give the shirts to your neice, and buy yuorself some too.

stepha1013 · July 2011

Congrats! That is a great accomplishment. You definitely deserve a few new shirts!

mandygal13 · July 2011

Does it feel weird that you are ale to wear that size, or feel weird that you want to steal your niece's shirts? I was just reading someone else's blog where they were not able to look at themselves and realize how big they had gotten. Are you not able to look at yourself and realize how far you've come with your weight loss? Look at your stats - see how far you've come, and accept the fact that your hard work is paying off. You've put in the work and you're getting the reward. THAT'S AWESOME!!!! Keep it up!

CharlieBarleyMom · July 2011

You've done a great job! I started where you are at right now and I have the 24W shirts.... I wear 20 or 22 pants depending on the manufacturer. I find most of my clothes at Kohl's... my biggest problem is with pants because I am 5'10.5" tall so the length becomes a problem sometimes... but recently it seems either I've shrunk or the pants are an inch longer. I always wear heels so even if they're a pinch shorter it's okay because heels make them seem longer (weird, I know).

OK - so here's the thing - do you see your neice on a regular basis? Has she seen your progress? Other people see it, probably more than you do. You say she's young - how young is that? Old enough to make her own decisions? Instead of feeling weird, try to lead her by example... invite her over for dinner some night and show her how you cook for yourself. Do some good with this shared size.

Thriceshy · July 2011

Thanks, everyone.

It feels werid because I'm of two minds. I see myself in the mirror in that shirt and I think, "Hey, there's a curve or a slimming that wasn't there a month ago," and yet when I look at myself, overall, I just see big. I did the anorexic dance in high school, and I never did see thin, even when I was under 100 lbs. That's part of why I'm not even shooting for "thin," but rather for less back pain, fitting in plane seats, buying clothes in the "regular" section, well-maintained blood sugar, etc. There's nothing subjective about those sorts of things, nothing my skewed perceptions can influence. Plus, I've always had a "better to give than receive" thing going on, so it's hard for me to buy myself a couple of shirts and not feel odd about it. I've been down on me for a long time, and it's weird for me to pat myself on the back and give myself a reward. But I am determined to do exactly that.

If we could take my niece and help her to figure out what to do and how to eat, we would. But the family isn't very concerned, it seems. She has no control over what foods are brought into the house, and she eats what she's told to eat. She's 13, about 5'1", and weighs around 185 right now, and she's getting bigger all the time. She's a smart, wonderful girl, and I love her so. But emotionally, she shuts down at any mention of appearance or diet. She goes to the gym with my husband and son when she's here, which is only once a month or so, but she does it because they are, not because she has any burning desire. That is the only exercise she gets--no sports or even walking around. She's exceedingly sendentary, with terribly screwed up sleep patterns. She's got health issues that are truly terrifying for her--she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer almost a year ago, and it's been a scary ride. Her weight was already high before the diagnosis, and it's higher now. It's not that she's got crappy parents, it's that they really don't have the tools or the knowledge to effectively help her, and they're not the "take advice" types.

I think that I'm going to let her try on the shirts. If they fit her (she's over a hundred pounds lighter than I am, but she's in a DD, whereas I'm a B/C), they're hers. If not, I'll keep them and take her out somewhere she can try on everything until we find a good fit. She's such a terrific kid, and I want her to be happy and comfortable in what we get her. Right now she's in that "clothing to hide under" phase (somewhere I've been for over a decade), and I want to get her something that she'll feel good in.

Kris

NSV, and I feel sort of strange about it

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