Affairs, Has your partner had an affair, and how did you fin

Bloodhound2
Bloodhound2 Posts: 10
edited September 29 in Chit-Chat
I'm not sure if my partner of 19 years is having an affair. Does anyone know the signs I should look for? I don't want to make unjust accusations.

Replies

  • Jennjenn1974
    Jennjenn1974 Posts: 350 Member
    What makes you think he/she is having one in the first place?
  • dls06
    dls06 Posts: 6,774 Member
    You already know the answer if you are asking the question. No matter how you ask they always deny, deny, deny. Oh and your going to be called crazy. Good Luck.
  • Aviendha_RJ
    Aviendha_RJ Posts: 600 Member
    I've been cheated on. I had no idea. They're crafty. Till the day they call you & tell you that one of the three girls they've been cheating on you with gave them HIV. Lucky we hadn't had sex in a while. After 18 months of anti-HIV drugs, I'm healthy. Him? Not so much. Kharma's a heartless b&$@h. If he's cheating, it'll get him.

    But I'd look for secretive behaviour. Cell phone calls he takes in the other room, if *he's* the one doing his laundry suddenly, that kind of thing. Weird behaviour.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    I get that this is the chit chat forum - but your first post on a weight loss site is a vague question about infidelity?
  • ChantalD75
    ChantalD75 Posts: 680 Member
    I agree with dls06 if you are asking the question you already know the answer. My husband of 12+ years had an affair and I was asking the questions. Now looking back I was right on all the clues... his cell ringing at 2am and him going to the bathroom to listen to the message. Then guarding his cell so I don't touch it. Going out on 'business' diners till 2am. and making every excuse not to come home during the week....
  • katschi
    katschi Posts: 689 Member
    I get that this is the chit chat forum - but your first post on a weight loss site is a vague question about infidelity?

    She beat me to it.
    Weird.
  • fat2fab4life
    fat2fab4life Posts: 253 Member
    I don't think u will be called crazy, that is very rude. It's a great question to ask. Many people in relationships ask that question, and many people will give you answers that will be wrong. All kinds of people say there are signs but unless you catch them in the act or have actual proof they are, i would not jump to conclusions and ruin somthing over a bad feeling. I really hope your partner is not cheating on you and hopefully you can find out the truth.

    for the record coming home a bit late, taking showers when immediately getting home, not wanting to engage in intimate activity all of the time does not mean they are cheating and I feel those are some answers u will get.

    now lipstick on a collar, phone numbers, text messages and finding condoms or things like that, I'd be concerned. best wishes to you
  • fat2fab4life
    fat2fab4life Posts: 253 Member
    I get that this is the chit chat forum - but your first post on a weight loss site is a vague question about infidelity?


    that is why it is a chit chat forum, you can discuss almost anything u want outside of religion, race, and insulting people's character.
  • Jennjenn1974
    Jennjenn1974 Posts: 350 Member
    I agree with alot of the "signs" that people have already posted. The cell phone thing is the best one. Do they keep a death grip on thier phone? All of a sudden disappear into the bathroom for 20 mins at a time within minutes of recieving a text? Check the cell phone bill as well for increased usage in text msging and call minutes used. Have they either increased or decreased the amount of affection? What I mean by that if there is an increase in affection they could be feeling guilty. Telling you they are going to be at one place and they are at a different one. There are all sorts of indicators and signs. Whether or not you are ready to see them is another story.

    Your gut is a woman's best indicator that something has changed.
  • elliecolorado
    elliecolorado Posts: 1,040
    I busted my ex (who I pretty much knew he was cheating anyway) because he left his Facebook account logged on and the message page open so I read the conversation that had been going on between him and the other girl. Then a few months after we broke up I heard from a former co-worker that he had been fooling around with her sister too.

    In my experience if you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, it probably is.
  • jtsmou
    jtsmou Posts: 503 Member
    Don't forget that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar
  • anrev42
    anrev42 Posts: 331
    there are lot of signs....sudden changes of behavior towards you. For example, he is becoming less interested in intimacy. Another sign is seeing what you're lack of...becoming judgemental towards you (this means he's got someone to compare to you) OR just simply being way too nice to you because of guilt. Changes on himself...physically such as buying new clothes, starting to work out....or workin too late....these are based on a couple of my girlfriends experiences with their husbands.
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
    I don't think u will be called crazy, that is very rude.

    I think she meant that your cheating SOB partner will call you crazy when confronted. That is definitely true.

    I don't think anyone here would call the OP crazy. :)
  • littlemissanguissette
    littlemissanguissette Posts: 248 Member
    You can always check phone bills if you really suspect something. I logged onto Verizon's website, pulled up his text and call log and just the same number repeated thousands of time. Called the number...yep. Confirmed.
  • BeeHummingbird
    BeeHummingbird Posts: 41
    None of us would have the answer your looking for, why dont you just ask your partner and hopefully they will be honest, and you can sort our what's going on in your life. Otherwise it will just mess with your head and you need to put yourself first with your health, body, mind and soul......
  • Bloodhound2
    Bloodhound2 Posts: 10
    I get that this is the chit chat forum - but your first post on a weight loss site is a vague question about infidelity?

    Firstly, this is NOT only a weightloss site, it can be used for maintaining weight, or even gaining weight, which is what I'm trying to do. I have a disease that makes me lose weight very easily, so counting the calories for me is very important.
    Secondly, I have no justification in acusing him of anything yet. He has the kind of job that takes him away from home a lot, and I just wondered what the signs might be.
  • Lyadeia
    Lyadeia Posts: 4,603 Member
    I get that this is the chit chat forum - but your first post on a weight loss site is a vague question about infidelity?

    She beat me to it.
    Weird.

    Or perhaps an alter ego for someone that has been using the site for a while and yet really uncomfortable with letting you know that they are feeling this one and so they created another sign on...

    IDK, just a thought.
  • Lyadeia
    Lyadeia Posts: 4,603 Member
    I busted my ex after I thought he was cheating on me. He denied it for like 5 years after we broke up...but that's another story.

    I was suspicious, so I got nosy enough to check messages and phone numbers in his cell. I also was able to crack his voice mail code, so I checked it for him... I also snooped in his house and found a letter. I later called the numbers I didn't know from his phone.

    I don't even know how to begin describing what made me suspicious in the first place. But once I did get suspicious, I started picking up on behaviors that weren't "normal" for him (we had been going out for 4 years, so I pretty much knew how he was) including body language and subtle differences in the way he would talk with him, what we would do when we went out, how late he wanted to stay out, etc. And whenever I would question those little things, not accusing him of anything just basically asking why he was acting different (like, why are we going to eat on our anniversary, and then you are dropping me off at 9:00 at night instead of doing something else after dinner with me?) he got all defensive. He got defensive when I asked him why when he kissed me goodnight one time, it was just a peck on the cheek and nothing else (which was not normal for us). It's like he was feeling guilty without me accusing him at all, cause during those initial confrontations I never accused him of anything.

    But yeah, as mentioned before, if you are feeling something is wrong, then THAT is your clue. And I wouldn't wait to have all this mounting proof, cause that will just hurt you in the end. When you have the suspicion, then you have already lost trust...can you stay with that person and really trust them at all now? Cause if you never find out, then it will consume you. Just a thought...
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