The mental game

olive1968 · July 2016

I thought I had the mental part of weight loss down. I didn't think I had any food issues. As time goes by however, and I lose and gain the same few pounds over and over, I realize my head is really the problem. CICO works just fine. When I follow the plan, it works perfectly. I lose about a pound a week. I feel better. I look better. I am happy.

And then. Crash. I get busy. Or travel for work. Or get invited out. Or go to friends. Or go to the cabin for the weekend. Or I hurt my back. Or there are too many bros at the gym. Or. Or. Or. Or. Reasons. Always with the reasons.

I've been forcing myself to dig deeper into why I do what I do. Here are some thoughts.

1. I'm 47 and I work hard and I have one kid left at home who is 17 and pretty self sufficient and I make good money and damn if I want to buy and drink a nice bottle of wine with my spouse, I will. *I deserve it*

2. I enjoy my down time. I'm older and when I'm not working 12 hour days I want to relax. Not having little kids to chase after feels like a vacation. I feel like I've gotten so much of my life back. *why can't I enjoy it?*

3. Deep down, accepting a true LIFE change is hard. I'm going to have to eat like this and exercise like this forever. No backsies. *it will always be a battle and that sounds awful*

4. I'm not really *that fat*

5. I want to blame other people. I have to eat out a lot for work. My spouse doesn't help in the type of meals he prepares. I have too many social obligations. *external forces conspire against me, failure isn't within my control*

These are just a few of the messages running in the background of my mind which I wasn't even really aware of. Now I see where the self sabotage comes from. Now that I think I have identified some of this, I can work to reprogram my thoughts. I've logged in for over 160 days now. Not always accurately and not always fully. But I'm here. I'm still in the game. I have to get those voices to shut up and replaced with positives. Everything in the asterisks above need to go bye bye!

How have you battled the mind game? What worked for you?

Hemlon · July 2016

I hear ya, sista. No advice, just know you aren't alone in this struggle.

WBB55 · July 2016

1. You deserve to feel good and happy and share joy, does it always require a bottle of wine? Are there other ways to relish in your success?

2. Can you relax without being sedentary? Can more of your hobbies involve activity?

3. Pick lifestyle changes you CAN live with

4. What does your doctor say? Are you doing it for vanity?

5. What parts of your environment do you in fact control? Can you control them more?

I love your attitude. I hope my counters to your *asterix* thoughts are just a springboard for you to find your own ways to counteract the messages.

RobD520 · July 2016

olive1968 wrote: »

I thought I had the mental part of weight loss down. I didn't think I had any food issues. As time goes by however, and I lose and gain the same few pounds over and over, I realize my head is really the problem. CICO works just fine. When I follow the plan, it works perfectly. I lose about a pound a week. I feel better. I look better. I am happy.

And then. Crash. I get busy. Or travel for work. Or get invited out. Or go to friends. Or go to the cabin for the weekend. Or I hurt my back. Or there are too many bros at the gym. Or. Or. Or. Or. Reasons. Always with the reasons.

I've been forcing myself to dig deeper into why I do what I do. Here are some thoughts.

1. I'm 47 and I work hard and I have one kid left at home who is 17 and pretty self sufficient and I make good money and damn if I want to buy and drink a nice bottle of wine with my spouse, I will. *I deserve it*

2. I enjoy my down time. I'm older and when I'm not working 12 hour days I want to relax. Not having little kids to chase after feels like a vacation. I feel like I've gotten so much of my life back. *why can't I enjoy it?*

3. Deep down, accepting a true LIFE change is hard. I'm going to have to eat like this and exercise like this forever. No backsies. *it will always be a battle and that sounds awful*

4. I'm not really *that fat*

5. I want to blame other people. I have to eat out a lot for work. My spouse doesn't help in the type of meals he prepares. I have too many social obligations. *external forces conspire against me, failure isn't within my control*

These are just a few of the messages running in the background of my mind which I wasn't even really aware of. Now I see where the self sabotage comes from. Now that I think I have identified some of this, I can work to reprogram my thoughts. I've logged in for over 160 days now. Not always accurately and not always fully. But I'm here. I'm still in the game. I have to get those voices to shut up and replaced with positives. Everything in the asterisks above need to go bye bye!

How have you battled the mind game? What worked for you?

Getting past #2 was key for me. I enjoy great food within my program, just less of it. Indeed, eating less means buying smarter portions. This, in turn, means I can even upgrade the quality of my proteins within my budget.

Enjoying less does not have to mean the end of enjoyment!

With regard to #1, I make room for wine. But I am VERY active so I am lucky to have a fair bit of room to maneuver.

With regard to #3, I developed a program I could stick with. No special heroics either in exercise or food that is unsustainable.

Neither 4 or 5 were concerns for me. Though I am sure I had other less than productive thoughts in the past.

glossysweetums · July 2016

1. So buy a bottle of wine, but have a small glass of it. Wine is not "that expensive in calories" just make sure you leave room for it and only have a bit (this is where weighing the amount really helps), that way you get to indulge a bit but don't really pay for it.

2. Then you need to find an activity you enjoy. Maybe going for a nice bike ride around your neighborhood, or taking a stroll or job around a pretty area, or taking a dance class or kickboxing class..whatever it is, it has to be something you enjoy or it will at this point in time feel like a chore and you will be less likely to enjoy it and keep doing it.

3. Is this due to a medical issue? Moving in any form is good so just find something you enjoy doing. Eating healthy is also good but don't be afraid to sprinkle some "not so healthy food in there" but just a little bit here and there. I don't believe you have to go to the extreme and stay there. Ask people for good healthier to take place of some of your foods you love, or find healthier versions of them that taste good to you.

4. Do you accept yourself for your body? Do you have a positive or negative narrative when looking at your body in the mirror? Is there anyway to change this even just in the way you see yourself and think of yourself?

5. You can eat out for work or social engagements, just choose well. Most restaurants will work with you, just ask. For instance salads (dressing on the side or none at all, no candied nuts, very little cheese), steamed vegetables, protein with very little oil & fat (like chicken breast, turkey, fish). Make sure you have enough good foods on hand available to just grab - fruit, cut vegetables, nuts. I know from experience that keeping certain things out of my house is impossible as my family eats it, so the best you can do to avoid cravings is to make sure you eat before you start to have them, or even drink a big glass of water once you do, and then wait a couple of mins then get something to eat. Chew slowly. And with the husband thing, make sure you grocery shop, or give a good list, maybe ask him for more of what you want or cook more, and even meal prepping a little bit can go a long way.

olive1968 · July 2016

WBB55 wrote: »

1. You deserve to feel good and happy and share joy, does it always require a bottle of wine? Are there other ways to relish in your success?

2. Can you relax without being sedentary? Can more of your hobbies involve activity?

3. Pick lifestyle changes you CAN live with

4. What does your doctor say? Are you doing it for vanity?

5. What parts of your environment do you in fact control? Can you control them more?

I love your attitude. I hope my counters to your *asterix* thoughts are just a springboard for you to find your own ways to counteract the messages.

Your comments are all the keys to retraining the quiet, background thoughts. #4 is interesting. Of course I am doing it for vanity. I'm terribly vain. I can't figure out why I can't make that work for me in this scenario. Someone asked me about how I feel about my body. I hate my body. I always have. I was thin the bulk of my life, teeny tiny through High School, was teased constantly for it. I certainly "out grew" that, lol, but now I hate it because it weighs too much. I have never liked my shape. I have to assume there is something in there for me to work on.

I really appreciate your comments on #1, "are there other ways to relish your success." Certainly there must be! I know it intellectually. But that background comment, again, is what has to be overpowered as I work on that!

tamaraworrall · July 2016

I know exactly how you feel, whilst I was loosing weight I was so strict and honestly didn't miss the old me or the old stuff I ate and drank .
Then when I was trying to maintain my mindset changed and I was like well I still do lots of exercise that I love and i have worked so hard to lose the weight plus I know how to lose it now then why can't I have a few treats when I want to.
That is the key it's when I want to not when others tell me to ,who knows maybe in the future my mindset will change again.
But when people say just have treats at the weekend I don't want that,I want to be able to enjoy something within my calories whenever I want

Need2Exerc1se · July 2016

I had some of those same excuses. So I decided what was really important and what wasn't. I didn't give up wine or downtime. I still enjoy ending the day with a glass of wine on the porch with my husband. It is the best part of my day and quite important.

I found ways to get exercise through activities I enjoy. I still eat foods I love. With just a little extra activity and a little less food I lost the weight. Very very slowly but I was able to do it without giving up all the things I love.

grenachegirl · July 2016

I SO get this!!!

endlessfall16 · July 2016

Honestly, this kind of thinking feels like a hamster running a wheel. You'll be in an infinite loop with all sorts of rationalization until you're exhausted!

Most of the asterisks aren't wrong. Nice bottle of wine is meant to be enjoyed, eating can be used to wind down, perceiving you're fat (or something negative) is a great motivation for changes. Some of the other points are a bit delusional. I'd get that too if I've been running in an infinite looping wheel.

Weight control is no longer hard or a mental (confusing) game when you balance your eating and your not eating!!! When you eat, do so in a way that's satisfying, and when you need to not eat, you tune out completely as not to aggravate your appetite and feel miserable. Good luck.

amyn73 · July 2016

I hear ya. I went on vacation and had a total meltdown. Couldn't work out, my calories were out of whack (at a cabin in a remote area and I didn't shop well for healthy eating). I felt totally out of control and I know it was mental more than anything else. Still processing how that happened and how I should feel about it. Got home and got right back on it and lost back everything I gained, but the thing is, life happens. I think what you're thinking is perfectly normal for someone who works hard and probably has your whole life. You deserve to enjoy your life, but like others have said (and you have expressed), it doesn't have to be a kind of enjoyment that sidetracks your health. Quite a lot to think about and get a handle on. I feel like life is also about percentages. If you are responsible most of the time, you can have a heck of a lot of wine and enjoy yourself. It all works out to a mostly healthy life, which is what I aspire to achieve. Can't be perfect all the time.

Rocknut53 · July 2016

@olive1968 I could have written what you did. I'm 62 and have been playing the mind game consistently since my early 40's, off and on before that with pregnancies and other life happenings. I finally got it together, have reached my goal weight (slightly lower and not sure if I'm ready to accept where I'm at). I started on January 5th with a new determination not to fail. Sometimes it's easy to stay on track, other times not. Like you said, CICO works and that's what stays in the back of my head now. The most encouraging thing for me is that I like how I look now and never want to go back to where I've been for over 20 years.

ronjsteele1 · July 2016

This sounds so much like what I just finished reading in the Beck Solution. Very good book on changing the thoughts to lose weight and keep it off. Someone here recommended it and I highly recommend it as well. I have found it very helpful with the mental game I was playing (which is near identical to what you wrote).

Letsplayoutside · July 2016

Are you following the Beck Diet Solution - because I am and would like a "friend"

JeffreyBurkhalter · July 2016

I like wine too. Try to plan ahead. Have a small lunch, smaller dinner, and if you can squeeze in an extra hour of running, biking, walking ahead of time do it.

The mental game

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