Negative Influences

the_dani_girl
the_dani_girl Posts: 9 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
What negative influences keep you from wanting to lose the weight? I've struggled with weight loss, not because it's hard for me, but because of my immediate family members.
Two have been anorexic to the point of multiple hospitalizations, and it scares me that when I lose weight, it triggers them to "compete" against me and try to lose more than me. For years I've let this hold me back from being my ideal weight, but I've decided that since I really have no control over what they do, I need to focus on my own health and let them deal with their own choices.
What about you?

Replies

  • CattOfTheGarage
    CattOfTheGarage Posts: 2,745 Member
    My own negative self talk is the worst influence - "I can't do this", "I'll always be fat" etc.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    I make choices. If I'm not willing to do the things I need to do to lose weight then I won't.
    However, I did choose to lose weight and did lose 25 lbs and my quality of life is so much better that if I don't reach my ultimate goal I am still happy. So maybe feeling good where I am doesn't help push me to lose more weight so much as when I felt horrible. I don't know if I'd say that is a negative influence.
  • mordensurrey
    mordensurrey Posts: 2 Member
    My husband. When I start a diet he says " eat something. You will be sick" and cooks and buys my favourite foods
  • xmarye
    xmarye Posts: 385 Member
    I would say to do what you gotta do, but keep in my mind that maybe you should keep it to yourself. Don't share your plan or calculate your calories in front of them. Don't be a trigger for their compulsive and destructive behaviors. Show them that you can have a healthy relationship with food and that you can be healthy and gain strength while doing it, and especially without obsessing about it.

    I have found, for having a friend with a really bad case of anorexia (she was hospitalized a couple times as well) that it doesn't matter to them what YOU look like. They just have this distorted image of themselves and a need for control, which they fulfill with deciding what they eat.

    I don't think that you being a healthy weight would trigger anything. It really is a long road to recovery and only them can learn to love themselves. Just be the good friend you've been until now and do your thing, you don't need to feel bad or be scared.

    Good luck! oxox
  • nightangel790
    nightangel790 Posts: 2 Member
    For me, definitely a lack of patience. I want and expect to see results immediately and I get frustrated and give up too soon because of it.
    I'd also have to say a support system that is also trying to sabotage you. Just this morning I had a friend who is trying to be supportive ask me out for donuts. When I declined, they then tried to make plans for a BBQ! I give in to temptation fairly easily so I try to not put myself in situations where they'll occur. Instead the situation comes to me....Ugh.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    Pleasure is my biggest obstacle. "It's a party, a little more wine and food won't hurt. You can eat lighter tomorrow." And then something else comes up tomorrow. I do love to eat and drink with friends or family.
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    edited July 2016
    Being scared to loose weight because of two anorexics in your family will try to compete with you? Why do you feel your are responsible for them? Unless they are your children, you have no responsibility to their actions or reactions to your own set of goals and to your own happiness. And for years you have been letting this hold you back?

    For starters, start living your own life. Not trying to be snarky, but you allowed this negativity to enter your life, to enter your thought processes, be a factor in your reactions and actions to your own life.

    And for me, negativity from family and those I let in, stopped when I started caring about my self, because in reality, no one cares more about your life than your self.
  • mommamia30189
    mommamia30189 Posts: 82 Member
    I am a single mom of three and I always put their dinner needs above what i want. It is so hard to not eat what they want to eat, but it usually isnt the healthiest. I eat the least at nighttime because i eat a big lunch. I just want to go to the gym and eat a light dinner, but with hungry kids, you have to put them first.
  • the_dani_girl
    the_dani_girl Posts: 9 Member
    RoxieDawn wrote: »
    Being scared to loose weight because of two anorexics in your family will try to compete with you? Why do you feel your are responsible for them? Unless they are your children, you have no responsibility to their actions or reactions to your own set of goals and to your own happiness. And for years you have been letting this hold you back?

    For starters, start living your own life. Not trying to be snarky, but you allowed this negativity to enter your life, to enter your thought processes, be a factor in your reactions and actions to your own life.

    And for me, negativity from family and those I let in, stopped when I started caring about my self, because in reality, no one cares more about your life than your self.

    You're 1000% right. The reason I made this post was because when I started to actually lose weight I hit a wall of fear and had to emotionally work through WHY I was afraid to lose weight. And when I realized it was totally irrational, I could finally give myself the green light to do what's good for ME.

    As to the reason I felt responsible, I have been confronted by my sister for being the "cause" of her ED.... And while I knew mentally that it wasn't my fault, apparently I internalized guilt anyway.

    I just know that when I emotionally dealt with that fear.....suddenly it was no big deal. I could lose some weight. I didn't need to lose a lot, just a few pounds to fit my fave jeans the way I wanted to. And I could allow myself to be happy with my weight.

    Guilt does strange things to the mind.

  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    mommamia30189 wrote: »
    I am a single mom of three and I always put their dinner needs above what i want. It is so hard to not eat what they want to eat, but it usually isnt the healthiest. I eat the least at nighttime because i eat a big lunch. I just want to go to the gym and eat a light dinner, but with hungry kids, you have to put them first.

    i always find it a bit odd that people feed their kids things that they wont eat 'because its not very healthy'?

    why not everyone eat the same thing, which is a nutritionally balanced meal (even pizza can fall into that category) and then just amend your portion size based on how many calories you have?
  • dizzieblondeuk
    dizzieblondeuk Posts: 286 Member
    edited July 2016
    If you're living in a house with ED sufferers, I would highly recommend that you say absolutely nothing about your weight loss. I'd even say to flat out lie if someone asks you if you've lost weight. For entirely different reasons, I spent a lot of last year fudging around the fact I'd lost weight. If someone asked me, I'd make non-committal noises and say 'um, I don't think so, haven't weighed myself'. Weirdly, it was easy enough then just to mention that I'd been doing pilates - and talk about my back issues being resolved with pilates. For some reason, people have a complete acceptance that pilates doesn't make you lose weight, but changes your body shape. It's a horribly sneaky thing to do, but I desperately wanted to avoid a situation where my family members got free reign to comment on my body, and any changes to it. By denying the progress, it stopped them from being able to ask unwanted questions, because I'd just refused to acknowledge to them that there was any change at all.

    For you, I'm guessing that avoiding the problems of family members who have actual, medical triggers to someone else losing weight is an important thing, but it's not more important that your own health. It's not particularly socially healthy to lie to our families, but I think it's a necessary evil in your circumstance. Given you say it's only a few pounds, I suspect that staying entirely silent, and just quietly having a calorie deficit and/or increased exercise plan will drop the extra weight you want to lose. Keeping our mouths tightly shut at times is the best policy! You've clearly got to the stage where the fear of weight loss isn't holding you back any more, now you just need ways of dealing with the weight loss as it happens.
  • brigg9
    brigg9 Posts: 104 Member
    I've had to tune people out, and realize that others are responsible for their own actions. The negative things that they may say or do are usually out of their own insecure points of view, and inability to control themselves, thus leading to negative reactions to what should be a positive situation - a friend/loved one trying to do something good for themselves.

    Ignore what you see and hear from others unless it's positive or productive to your journey, and focus only on yourself. That's what this journey is about right now. We can only be accountable for ourselves.

    TLDR - Read above. A bit of story below.

    For a personal example - My brother has fought with ED's as well - binge eating, emotional eating and alcoholism. He would constantly tell me that he *needs* me to help him workout and keep on him about his eating habits, and he was also a very competitive person as well. His struggles were very different from my own, as I used to only have a minor problem with emotional eating (but not any more). He would constantly make negative comments when I was the one making food choices to fit my daily goals. He would constantly tell me that I should or should not be restrictive, or to be more restrictive, or to follow this gimmick diet, or that what I was doing was wrong. He'd be mad when I wouldn't allow his girlfriend to bake chocolate cakes in my house when they came to visit during the time that he knew I was fighting emotional eating. He would then get FURIOUS at my progress, become angry and try to argue with me. I would always laugh at his comments, and tell him I'm sticking to my guns, following my diet and I don't care what he has to say. As brothers we always give one another crap, so when he gave it to me I'd give it back to him. When he finally became angry with me, I put him in his place. We're each on our own journey, and we can only be accountable for ourselves.

    In the end he's gaining weight and still struggling with his ED's. We're still best friends, I try to support him in his struggles, but he has finally realized he's accountable for himself. I'm 45 pounds down now, 15 away from goal. He's gained weight and pushing 300 pounds, and that's not my fault. It's his.

    Focus on yourself. Tune them out. Let them be accountable for themselves.
  • Xo_healthylc
    Xo_healthylc Posts: 77 Member
    My mind is my biggest obstacle. Oh one taste won't hurt. You don't need to track that bite. It just a few samples. The whole damn box of cookies will be worth it (I would be fine with one cookie and not end up with a sick stomach but my mind doesn't tell me that)
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    mommamia30189 wrote: »
    I am a single mom of three and I always put their dinner needs above what i want. It is so hard to not eat what they want to eat, but it usually isnt the healthiest. I eat the least at nighttime because i eat a big lunch. I just want to go to the gym and eat a light dinner, but with hungry kids, you have to put them first.

    How is feeding your kids unhealthy food putting them first? Seems like you'd want healthy children.
  • dizzieblondeuk
    dizzieblondeuk Posts: 286 Member
    Need2Exerc1se wrote: »
    mommamia30189 wrote: »
    I am a single mom of three and I always put their dinner needs above what i want. It is so hard to not eat what they want to eat, but it usually isnt the healthiest. I eat the least at nighttime because i eat a big lunch. I just want to go to the gym and eat a light dinner, but with hungry kids, you have to put them first.

    How is feeding your kids unhealthy food putting them first? Seems like you'd want healthy children.
    She says 'not the healthiest' not 'unhealthy' food. For example, I know my kids will scarf down fish pie, spaghetti bolognese and casseroles - all homemade, nutritious and good for them. They'll also eat broccoli, carrots and all kinds of veg, even before eating any other part of their meal. However, for me, I'm sticking to a calorie limit and, like the mum poster above, sometimes I've eaten a big lunch and don't quite have the calories left for a meal like spag bol. It's damn hard to resist, when it smells delicious though - I do try and leave most of the pasta out, cut out the cheese, and just have mostly meat sauce but it's not the same, is it?! Much easier if the kids would just eat a salad, but I'm not going to get them doing that any time soon! They're not fussy eaters, they're just small children who really aren't interested in eating lots of salad (occasional small portion is OK, it seems). I'm just happy that they love their fruit and veg, eat very limited amounts of cake, sweets and chocolate, and are happy drinking water all day long. I absolutely put their needs first, and then try and fit my calorie goals around the family meals I plan.
  • RachelElser
    RachelElser Posts: 427 Member
    My own stupid self for buying crap I shouldn't have in the house!

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