My real life friends are unsupportive and don't understand this journey

purplemoonpie
purplemoonpie Posts: 25 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Hey everyone. This is my THIRD time losing weight. I have lost and gained 30 lbs twice now over the past 10 years. After yet another depressing breakup, I'm changing my life and LOSING weight this time instead of gaining. I am 15 lbs down and have 15 lbs to go. I have experienced the backlash from a majority of my friends now every time. Again I am experiencing it, and we are 30 years old. I love all my friends - I've had them since college and we still live in the city we went to college in. it's true, I used to be the fun party girl that everyone would go to for a fun time. My life revolved around social outings and booze (also equaling, hangovers and late night fast food binges) This is still true for a good majority of my friends - and they don't understand why I'm no longer interested in that lifestyle anymore. I am now into outdoor activities, running, yoga, cycling, and classes at the gym. I often turn down weeknight dinners out and Friday nights out on the town to avoid crap food and booze. Instead of them being supportive, I hear stuff like, "LAME", "BUT YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE".."ARE YOU ANOREXIC?" "YOU'RE NO FUN ANYMORE!" "ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT SOME DELICIOUS PIZZA AND ICE CREAM?" . Lately I've stopped being invited places.....it's like they can only have fun when drunk. On Saturdays I usually give myself a cheat day and will go out and have a couple beers or some wine.....but I absolutely refuse to let people peer pressure me into social drinking every single night. I have started making some new friends at my gym whose interests are more similar to mine. But I do wish my old friend would understand this isn't about me trying to ignore everyone - just want to be healthy and fit! Thanks for letting me rant, let me know if you have experienced the same thing!

Replies

  • YoungMum24
    YoungMum24 Posts: 5 Member
    I have this. People constantly tell me to chill out with my diet and fitness because ive already lost over 5 stone. Wish they could see it makes me happy and i still have a lot to achieve. I have cheat days and still eat naughty things but i have focus and determination which they just think is lame :(
  • ScorpioFit78
    ScorpioFit78 Posts: 3 Member
    I feel for you, it's incredibly difficult and the people around you make all the world of difference. I remember a few years ago I was in the best shape of my life and kept hearing people say " why don't you eat " " just relax and eat what you want " etc....the same stuff you heard. That point on I started packing on weight again and havent' stopped. You can do this!!!
  • MissDeeDee78
    MissDeeDee78 Posts: 415 Member
    I thought friends were supposed to understanding and supportive? Just keep doing what you're doing, you're social to a responsible level. Perhaps they're still maturing, who knows? Can't really keep that lifestyle forever. You're making more/new friends and that's a healthy thing. In life we sometimes outgrow friendships.
  • Soccermavrick
    Soccermavrick Posts: 405 Member
    Most of us grow up, but seldom do all of us grow up at the same time. As we get older we take on different responsibilities. And as we get older we take on new roles. Some friends will fall be the wayside as they cannot accept change. But life is about being who YOU want to be, not who they want you to be.
  • RockinTerri
    RockinTerri Posts: 499 Member
    I'm 42, and I have had those situations occur with those outside of my inner circle (both weight gains and losses). What I find works best for me is to connect with someone on a similar path as what I'm taking (IRL and/or online), and to focus on yourself. You can't control what others think, but you can control how you look at yourself. You will do best without focusing on the negativity.
  • Derek_McC
    Derek_McC Posts: 63 Member
    MissDeeDee78 wrote: »
    . . . You're making more/new friends and that's a healthy thing. In life we sometimes outgrow friendships.

    This.
  • 44to44
    44to44 Posts: 896 Member
    Most of us grow out of the partying phase at one point or another - it seems like you just grew out of it before your friends. Hopefully they will come around, but in the meantime, have you explained to them the reason you're refusing their invitations and how it makes you feel when they make those comments? Perhaps they don't realize they're being unsupportive and maybe you could all come to an understanding and you could still go out for dinners/night out with them occasionally without any pressure or commentary on what you're not eating/drinking. (Hey - designated driver for them! I'd think they'd be thrilled!)

    If that doesn't work, you might just need to stick with your new friends -sometimes we just grow out of relationships.
  • CincyNeid
    CincyNeid Posts: 1,249 Member
    I guess I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. When I started losing weight a bunch of friends jump on board. About 12 of us. WE started our Facebook Group and kept each other in line. And we've maintained our weight loss as a group for about a year now.

    I battle what you're going through with family. They don't think it's real. They don't see why I run, cycle, lift weights all the time. They don't understand why I order fish, or chicken all the time if they want to go out. I get my from family. Not friends.
  • CincyNeid
    CincyNeid Posts: 1,249 Member
    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    Here's a little news flash...the journey towards health and wellness and fitness is a more or less lonely one..

    Quote for Truth.
  • jahillegas_51
    jahillegas_51 Posts: 143 Member
    Yes my friends are pretty similar in that sense too. I live in one of those small towns were nobody ever leaves so the group I run around with we have gone to school together since kindergarten if not known each other before then. So getting crap from them is something that I sort of have just develop a thick skin towards. I really picked up if it fits your macros as it allowed me to go out with them and have a good time. How ever during those times when I can't drink for example if prepping for a powerlifting meet and trying to make weight I will often offered to be the DD.

    Over the course of time they have learned that I am a little bit different than them and that sometimes I just want to go out because you know I don't feel like it I want to sleep or something along those lines. Because they are true friends to me they have adopted the person that I am it's sort of is a running joke in our group that I squat a lot and I'm totally OK with that.

    I understand that peer pressure can be tough however that is part of the price we all pay for wanting to achieve our goals when the rest of the world just wants to sit around drink and complain about how they never achieve success or their dreams.

    Stay Strong:))
  • GreakGoddess
    GreakGoddess Posts: 13 Member
    Totally get it. I dare not tell my best friend if I want to loose weight. He will relentlessly try to sabotage it. bring a bucket of fried chicken over to my house (yuk). sneak a pint of ice cream in my freezer. order my favorite food and eat it in front of me.

    Some Journeys were just made to do alone....maybe this is one of them.

    This app is amazing and so is the community here...so I'll just be happy with the support on here and forget telling my friend.
  • Eppu007
    Eppu007 Posts: 9 Member
    Hey guys. Great to meet you. I'm 44, and I have just over 40kg (nearly 90lb) to lose. Lots of support and motivation needed, so why don't we do that together. Feel free to send me a friend request.

    I work as a psychotherapist, and since we all know that the main block for weight loss is the psychological aspect, I can give some advice and help.

    Weight loss is so much more difficult when those around us don't get it or don't want to get it. We need each other so thank goodness for these groups.
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,371 Member
    Have one on one catch up with your friends, do a walk in the park followed by a coffee type of thing. Don't discuss counting calories, how you can't eat this and drink that, but have a genuine catch up...ask about them, their goals, their plans for future etc.

    You can go out with your friends as a group, know where you are going before hand and plan your meals, don't discuss or get into discussions about our meal choice, designate yourself the driver (no alcohol). If friends want to discuss your meal choice, change the subject.
  • PetiteSilm
    PetiteSilm Posts: 10 Member
    Now, I dont know your religious background but have you ever thought that maybe God is telling you to not force on how to fit back in with your old friends. Sometime you have to walk alone. Keep pushing forward and you will see a differents in yourself. Basically they're not caring about you or your feelings. One thing you can try is to have a ait down and let them know what's on your mind. Don't watered it down nor backtracked. They friends of yours need to know how rude they are and that they need to respect you. After that meeting, give them a change to speak. If they still have that same attitude towards you, them I would cut them off and only have positive people around me. Don't waste your time or energy on people who don't show you any support. It's not fare for you or anyone to be that position! I bet that you also was the one in the group to talk too when someone needed help right? Im getting a vibe from your post.

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