What's the WORST thing about being fat?

Hollycat
Hollycat Posts: 372
edited September 29 in Health and Weight Loss
WARNING: I'm in negative mode today [it's only temporary], so if you're not into feeling sorry for yourself with me today, click the Back button.

I'm sitting here today pondering the reasons I want to lose weight. While I'd like to focus on the usual positive things and the "100 reasons to lose weight" type reasons, I find today I'm struck by a number of memories that haunt me. I'm going to share one here today. I'd be interested in knowing if you can top this.

For me, one of the main reasons NOT to be fat is to avoid the cruelty and judgment of others. I've had enough of it. I've definitely had my share. Mostly from young males between the ages of 17 and 25, but that's another rant [my apologies to all men in that age group, or who've ever been in that age group, whose testosterone levels don't completely block their empathy centres, the blocking of which seems to induce cruel and unusual behaviour toward fatties, particularly when in the company of other males in that age group].

The incident I'm thinking of is one that occurred in my 20's. I was about 30 pounds overweight by that time and babysitting a colleague's children and this was also during my binge phase [I have gone years without gaining any weight]. I ate more out of their fridge than I should have. I believe it amounted to a peanut butter sandwich, a glass of milk and several helpings of a leftover dessert. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I ought to have apologized. But being only 20-something, I hadn't quite learned that skill.

A month or two later, at the staff Christmas party, an event held off-site in a nice hotel banquet room, we conducted a blind gift exchange. Sam, the fellow whose children I'd babysat had wrapped a very pretty little gift and pointed it out specially to me. He and another colleague egged me on to choose it. Being the sucker that I am, I did. Inside was a plastic pig nose. Charming. I was mortified. I was encouraged to model it by Sam and his 'friend'. In front of all my colleagues. In order not to let on that I was deeply hurt and embarrassed, I did. I should have stuffed it up his...but that's who I've become, not who I was.

Anyway, this is the first time I've ever mentioned the incident. It brought so much shame and humiliation and while I acknowledge a part of me 'deserved' it, it never ceases to amaze me how cruel people can be in order to 'teach' someone a lesson. Instead of teaching me something, I am quite certain I probably went home and ate a layer cake. I was absolutely devastated.

Never has negative enforcement EVER kept me from eating. It has only encouraged me to drown my sorrows.

That, for me, is the worst part about being fat. The cruelty, judgment and dismissive behaviour displayed by those who've never walked in our shoes. :brokenheart:

Hollycat
:flowerforyou:

Replies

  • beccau_20
    beccau_20 Posts: 191 Member
    I really don't understand the cruelty of people in what they find to be humor. I guess as a general thing, we laugh at things all the time that maybe we shoudln't. But to belittle an individual? Ugh, that is why I believe in Karma.

    The worst thing about being fat, is the detriment to my self-esteem, self-worth. Some of my fat manifests in my breasts, like a lot of women. In middle school, I was slightly overweight and this is where it was noticed, expecially by boys, who were inconsiderate and made comments about my breasts. I was mortified at the age of 12. To this day, I can't stand it if my husband says something about my breasts being large, even though I know in my head he doesn't mean to be cruel. I associate my large breasts with low self esteem and a negative self image, and honestly, I can't wait to lose this weight so that my breasts will get smaller.
  • LosingTheWeight2014
    LosingTheWeight2014 Posts: 173
    OMG...I am so sorry that you were put through something like that.

    I actually legally changed my name because when I was a teenager and overweight the kids used my name as "Cow Sounds" Here comes MOOOOnisha.

    It was horrible to be picked on by what seemed like the whole school.

    People are very cruel and they don't realize what their actions to do others.

    Again I'm really sorry!
  • emmaNEEDSskinny
    emmaNEEDSskinny Posts: 317
    people can be so cruel they are the worst people ever!
    you did not deserve that not one bit!

    the worst thing about being what is not looking like a model
    in my mind if your skinnt = you fit in
    xxx
  • pftjill
    pftjill Posts: 488
    OH MY GOSH. What an A-HOLE!!!!! Unbelievable, give me this guys info and I will go teach him his own lesson-haha. I am so sorry that this world is full of jerks.
  • Heidi1987
    Heidi1987 Posts: 191 Member
    OMG, that is really horrible. i cannt believe how cruel and discusting some people can be.

    i would be so looking forward to proving them wrong!
  • Persipan
    Persipan Posts: 85 Member
    The thing I really, really hate has nothing to do with other people; it's the way my legs rub together. In hot weather I end up rubbing my skin raw unless I always wear trousers or leggings, and it's horrible. I could live quite happily without that!
  • kseier
    kseier Posts: 91 Member
    uhhhm the worst thing about being fat...THIGHS RUBBING TOGETHER. it tops everything. all yall know what im saying DONT HATE DONT LIE DONT DENYYYYY!!
  • sshap21712
    sshap21712 Posts: 139
    The WORST thing about being fat? Being fat!
  • elainemcg
    elainemcg Posts: 25
    words fail me, im so sorry you had to endure something like that but the best thing you can do is carry on doing what your doing, losing the weight. thanks for sharing that it must have been hard x
  • Bigmomma0u812
    Bigmomma0u812 Posts: 118
    I apologize to all of the guys in the world that aren't negative to fat chicks but the ones that are, you're just pricks! I'm sorry you had this experience and it made you feel bad about yourself. They should have to take a look at themselves and have a moment of low self esteem not the other way around.

    I started getting fat around 4th grade and while I'm quite certain everyone made fun of me behind my back I didn't get made fun of to my face very often in my life. I remember one time in high school I was walking down the hall and this short little troll and I came face to face and in trying to get around each other we both kept stepping in the same direction... granted I was a bit annoyed by the situation myself but as he passed he said "geez you're like a brick wall". He didn't say it right to my face he got passed me first and had to back talk but I never forgot it. Why was it my fault? Oh duh, because I'm the fat chick, I get it.

    The most memorable insult I ever had though was threw at me as a compliment and it bugged me so much it still bugs me to this day. I had two hot best friends and boys that were interested in them called me all the time to figure out how to get the hot girls. Now I didn't like these guys and I sure didn't ask them to call me but I was always nice to them. One time in talking and having what I thought was a great conversation one guy said, "man I wish (insert hot girl name here) had your personality.".... Prick, what he meant was he wished I had her body. Haven't forgotten that one either.

    These are the bad things about being fat when you're young. A whole world of other things plague me now that I'm getting older.
  • bobisagirl
    bobisagirl Posts: 12 Member
    If i could add boys from the age of 14 to 17 to that, I would totally agree. And girls. Nasty experiences abound, from being compared to miss piggy (how original!) to having my *kitten* whacked/prodded with pool cues. My mum has been trying to make me lose weight since i was 7 and recently offered gastric band surgery. All these things just made me want to dig my heels in more (I am obtuse by nature - screw everyone else!). It'll be nice to tell my mum to spend the money for surgery on a nice new 'skinny' wardrobe when I reach goal weight (mwahahaha).

    What made ME want to lose weight wasn't being fat, like i didn't think i was ugly, but an odd assortment of reasons. Things like wanting a mohawk. The only things i HATED (and still hate) about being fat are:

    Thigh chafing. They rub until they bleed, especially in summer.
    Not being able to wear light, thin clothes in summer. This adds to the whole 'sweaty fat girl' image. Why am I so hot and sweaty? Well apart from lugging around a pile of lard round my waist, I also have to cover it with fabric so it doesn't offend your eyes, hypothetical person, and it's uncomfy!!!
    That clothes at Allsaints don't come anywhere near my size.
    That people are all 'oh, it's ok, you're curvy!' Eff. Off. I know I'm fat, the scale, my BMI and my body fat percentile show me I am. It's not a subjective opinion, it's the truth. And you know what? I can be fat if I want, it doesn't have to be 'ok' by your standards. It's unhealthy, and it is what it is, but it's not some horrible affliction you have to be delicate or snide about in b****y moments, it's just some chub. And I'm getting rid of it.
  • OnionCookie
    OnionCookie Posts: 272 Member
    :mad: I can't stand people that think they are superior just because they aren't fat. They don't have any idea of the struggle it is because they've never had to deal with it.

    I agree that the judgement is the worst thing about being fat, but I also agree with fancynewbecca that its detrimental to self-esteem. I've become more confident in my appearance and that has carried over to my outlook on my achievements.


    My worst experience was in high school.

    There was this game in PE where people in pairs stand facing each other. There's a person "it" and another person as the runner. The runner would have to make a lap around the group and the runner would move to pick a pair and face the person, who would then be "it" and try to catch the other.

    I was the slowest and most overweight in the class so all the classmates, save three that I grew up with, would always choose me because I couldn't catch them and they wanted to "watch the pig" sweat, as stated behind my back in the locker room.

    Also during a job I asked why I hadn't learned to use the register yet instead of being put in the back and stocking. I was told, "the company has a certain appearance." Aka, You're too fat to use the register. I would say it was just that I was ugly but all the girls in front were skinny and tall with big boobs while the girls in back were fat (but very beautiful girls).
  • silveryflutterby
    silveryflutterby Posts: 335
    I'm so sorry...this about broke my heart. Maybe it wasn't quite polite to eat their food (assuming they hadn't given you prior permission?), but in NO way did you deserve what he did to you. I mean, you watched his kids! What he did was cruel and heartless and completely uncalled for! I have been fat for a while, but I guess I am lucky because no one has ever been so cruel to my face, although I'm sure things have probably been said behind my back...I don't understand how people can be so cruel either...I really don't.

    For me, the worst thing about being fat is the way I feel about myself. I am my own worst critic unfortunately and I hate the way I look and feel. I want to like what I see in the mirror and look good in clothes and pictures. It takes some seriously hard work, and unfortunately for most of us the work is more mental than physical...but we'll get there!!
  • glypta
    glypta Posts: 440 Member
    I was bullied for being fat too. Kids at school. My stepdad. Even well-meaning family hurt me by saying I ought not to have something to eat as I'd gain weight. And have had the name-calling in the street. I've slimmed down a lot over the years, but my weight yo yo's, hence being back! My friend's kids being kids, not mean kids, telling me I was fat.

    It leads to paranoia about eating (anything) in public. Fear that when people are laughing, it's at me. 'Knowing' that fat is all people see. A boyfriend's friend (who I know didn't mean to be mean) telling me my boyfriend had always 'fancied fat chicks'. You'd think after all that I'd have done something about it before my mid-20s!

    What you went through was horrible, and I think, certainly not to excuse them, they pick on you/us to detract attention from themselves, to make themselves feel better. I know it's mean, but when I see people on Facebook now that I was at school with, I have a certain amount of shameful satisfaction that the years have been kinder to me than to them.

    We just have to be the bigger people (metaphorically, not literally, or at least not literally permanently), we're probably nicer and better people for it (apart from my glee at their puny existence now), we're healthier and on our way to becomeing healthier still. The psychological stuff? I know I've still got a lot of work to do there, and maybe so do we all, but we're in this together, doing what we can.

    xxx
  • glypta
    glypta Posts: 440 Member
    The thing I really, really hate has nothing to do with other people; it's the way my legs rub together. In hot weather I end up rubbing my skin raw unless I always wear trousers or leggings, and it's horrible. I could live quite happily without that!

    Definitely, definitely. And how shorts, unless they're lycra, ride up so they're lower on the outer thigh and at the crotch in the middle.
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
    I just wanted to say what those people did to you was horrible and wrong, and you did NOT 'deserve' it. Not one little bit. There is NOTHING about being fat or being an emotional eater that makes you deserve to be ridiculed or hurt or respected less. This is one thing I absolutely despise about society...people need to respect everyone regardless of their body size, shape, skin color,religion, etc. Being fat doesn't make you any less of a person than being skinny. Lose weight for your health, so exercise will be easier... don't lose it just because people are going to be mean to you if you don't.
  • Daisy_May
    Daisy_May Posts: 505 Member
    Worst thing about being fat? Looking in the mirror and wondering who the heck is looking back at me, I don't feel I can be me when I look like this.
  • StrawberrySprinkles
    StrawberrySprinkles Posts: 90

    A month or two later, at the staff Christmas party, an event held off-site in a nice hotel banquet room, we conducted a blind gift exchange. Sam, the fellow whose children I'd babysat had wrapped a very pretty little gift and pointed it out specially to me. He and another colleague egged me on to choose it. Being the sucker that I am, I did. Inside was a plastic pig nose. Charming. I was mortified. I was encouraged to model it by Sam and his 'friend'. In front of all my colleagues. In order not to let on that I was deeply hurt and embarrassed, I did. I should have stuffed it up his...but that's who I've become, not who I was.


    I dunno if I could beat that really....most of my embarrassment and unhappiness with food and myself was caused by individuals closer to home, ie, mother who didn't want a fat daughter so refused to buy jeans that actually fit me (though at the time, I wasn't *that* overweight. 5 foot 8, 150 lbs and 13) until my father forced her. (The later years produced some other pretty awful memories too such as being called a sumo, a pig, and reminding my father of his late aunt who was pretty much house bound from her weight all because I was sitting at the table reading a book and eating lunch. That seemed to be her favorite activity, so that caused him some mild annoyance. It's odd how parents think that by bullying it causes motivation, which all it seemed to cause me was severe depression and taught me that unconditional love is very much conditional in the wrong hands. Oh yeah and not to wear my hair in a bun type style else other people may think I look like a sumo too. Thanks Ma! :ohwell: )

    Though that same year around summer time-ish my brother and I went to a movie...he was going through that phase that most @$$hole-ish boys do...hating on anything and everything that had two legs, so he picked the biggest thing that I was most sensitive about no thanks to my mom and dad. We're walking through the mall and he tells me quite loudly to 'get away fat girl.' I shan't go into what high school was like. He's only a year and some change older than me and managed to ruin every crush I ever had and claiming that none of the guys wanted a fat girl (again most of my weight issues didn't creep up that seriously until later years). :D
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    The worst thing about being fat is that I've never been kissed or had a boyfriend. For the first time last night when I went out dancing, I danced with a guy. That was a big step for me, and encourages me to keep losing weight!
  • cartern1
    cartern1 Posts: 270 Member
    premature death - i've heard that's a *****
  • bobisagirl
    bobisagirl Posts: 12 Member
    premature death - i've heard that's a *****

    I friking lol'd. Good point. When I went for my induction at the gym, I was calculated to be at a higher risk of a heart attack than the 45+ year old lady who was also being inducted (I'm 20). Smoker, drinker, fatty. The holy trinity of DEATH. Yeah that was embarrassing.
  • Hollycat
    Hollycat Posts: 372
    premature death - i've heard that's a *****

    *lmho* Thanks for the pep talk! :wink:

    Hollycat
    :flowerforyou:
  • Dtrmnd86
    Dtrmnd86 Posts: 406 Member
    I have a few.....

    thighs rubbing together.. OMG it makes me so uncomfortable.

    That terrible back/bra fat that I can hide in certain shirts, but when it comes to a bathing suit, it makes it worse.

    Or, having a really good day, think I'm looking amazing despite being a little chunky, and then someone snaps a picture, and you see it later on and realize you didn't look nearly as good as you thought..... that takes a big toll on ones self esteem.
  • wildon883r
    wildon883r Posts: 429 Member
    Looking like all the fat people around me and being one of them. It's nice being in the minority once again. I love thinking to myself, I'm not one of them anymore.
  • Hollycat
    Hollycat Posts: 372
    Looking like all the fat people around me and being one of them. It's nice being in the minority once again. I love thinking to myself, I'm not one of them anymore.

    I totally get that. I'm looking forward to NOT being in the fat club anymore.

    Hollycat
    :flowerforyou:
  • sister_bear
    sister_bear Posts: 529 Member
    What a horrible story. You didn't deserve any of that. :angry:

    The worst thing about being fat, for me, is looking at myself in the mirror and knowing that this is what everyone else sees when they look at me. :frown:

    I went to the doctor earlier this year and was diagnosed with pneumonia, in my follow up, high cholesterol, and I got hit with family history issues. I learned I may have a gene that would increase my risk of cancer to... well, screwed. So, I have to second the whole I hear dying sucks. (Good news, I was tested and am in the clear, but still have a higher risk because of genetic history...)

    As for chaffing, I haven't worn shorts in 12 years. When my pants are done and in need of replacing it's because the fabric in the inner thighs has disintegrated from rubbing.

    TMI, I'm sure, but the boys never hurt my feelings as much as the girls. I expected the boys to reject me. I was either not good enough or somehow too good. Wtf. I fell for a friend who was and still is morbidly obese. He told me I was out of his league. I was crushed. I'm not over it. lol As for the girls, add the double whammy of a taboo attraction to being a chunkette. Horror. Not only was I a fatty, but I was a weirdo fatty creep. *sigh*

    And as someone else said earlier, there is some satisfaction with seeing some of these folks on facebook now. So many are happily married to their high school sweetheart with beautiful children. It makes me feel like a rockstar with my self-indulgent childless lifestyle. :laugh:
  • Nailrep
    Nailrep Posts: 966 Member
    The way I feel about myself when I'm overweight is beyond horrible.. I have struggled with a terrible self image all my life. When I gain weight, it is hard for me to even leave the house. I don't care what I wear or how I look in general when I'm overweight. My attitude in general is sullen and withdrawn.

    Even though I've lost some weight, I still refuse to go to the pool because I'm so disgusted with how I think I look.

    I just want to be thin again so I can give myself a break. I'm so tired of hating the way I look. And I feel self conscience when I run, so when I think out a bit more, I will begin running again. Isn't that weird? Anyhow, some of my horrible self image came from my mom, who always called me fat, even though at most, I was plump. The rest comes from being involved with a personal trainer for five years - and all of the self absorbed people in that industry. (hopefully I didn't offend anybody by saying that, but there are a lot of superficial people in the fitness, body building industry. I always just to fit in. So it warped my perception of myself. One would think at 44, I would finally be okay with myself. Maybe one day!!
  • andrea464
    andrea464 Posts: 238 Member
    Being the fat mom. I had one of my daughters friends from class ask me why I was so fat (she was 4- no filter at that age). I told her it was because I ate too much candy and didn't eat my vegetables like my Mom told me. LOL
    Being the fat mom. I want to run and play with my daughter.
    Back fat/back boobs- I want to wear cute bras without extra folds.
    Thigh rubbing- Yech.
    Work- I work in the heart cath lab. We see people in for shortness of breath and we're checking them out for lung problems. We see very large people in there- nothing is wrong with their lungs, they're just too big to breath laying down. I see people coming in having heart attacks- I'm supposed to help counsel them on healthy lifestyles. What does that mean coming from a morbidly obese chick? Not a darn thing! I have to run around during emergencies. I want to be able to run without getting short of breath.
    ETA- My husband- I want to be hot for my husband. He thinks I look good as it is, but I want him to drool over me!
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