What's the WORST thing about being fat?
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Hollycat
Posts: 372
WARNING: I'm in negative mode today [it's only temporary], so if you're not into feeling sorry for yourself with me today, click the Back button.
I'm sitting here today pondering the reasons I want to lose weight. While I'd like to focus on the usual positive things and the "100 reasons to lose weight" type reasons, I find today I'm struck by a number of memories that haunt me. I'm going to share one here today. I'd be interested in knowing if you can top this.
For me, one of the main reasons NOT to be fat is to avoid the cruelty and judgment of others. I've had enough of it. I've definitely had my share. Mostly from young males between the ages of 17 and 25, but that's another rant [my apologies to all men in that age group, or who've ever been in that age group, whose testosterone levels don't completely block their empathy centres, the blocking of which seems to induce cruel and unusual behaviour toward fatties, particularly when in the company of other males in that age group].
The incident I'm thinking of is one that occurred in my 20's. I was about 30 pounds overweight by that time and babysitting a colleague's children and this was also during my binge phase [I have gone years without gaining any weight]. I ate more out of their fridge than I should have. I believe it amounted to a peanut butter sandwich, a glass of milk and several helpings of a leftover dessert. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I ought to have apologized. But being only 20-something, I hadn't quite learned that skill.
A month or two later, at the staff Christmas party, an event held off-site in a nice hotel banquet room, we conducted a blind gift exchange. Sam, the fellow whose children I'd babysat had wrapped a very pretty little gift and pointed it out specially to me. He and another colleague egged me on to choose it. Being the sucker that I am, I did. Inside was a plastic pig nose. Charming. I was mortified. I was encouraged to model it by Sam and his 'friend'. In front of all my colleagues. In order not to let on that I was deeply hurt and embarrassed, I did. I should have stuffed it up his...but that's who I've become, not who I was.
Anyway, this is the first time I've ever mentioned the incident. It brought so much shame and humiliation and while I acknowledge a part of me 'deserved' it, it never ceases to amaze me how cruel people can be in order to 'teach' someone a lesson. Instead of teaching me something, I am quite certain I probably went home and ate a layer cake. I was absolutely devastated.
Never has negative enforcement EVER kept me from eating. It has only encouraged me to drown my sorrows.
That, for me, is the worst part about being fat. The cruelty, judgment and dismissive behaviour displayed by those who've never walked in our shoes. :brokenheart:
Hollycat
:flowerforyou:
I'm sitting here today pondering the reasons I want to lose weight. While I'd like to focus on the usual positive things and the "100 reasons to lose weight" type reasons, I find today I'm struck by a number of memories that haunt me. I'm going to share one here today. I'd be interested in knowing if you can top this.
For me, one of the main reasons NOT to be fat is to avoid the cruelty and judgment of others. I've had enough of it. I've definitely had my share. Mostly from young males between the ages of 17 and 25, but that's another rant [my apologies to all men in that age group, or who've ever been in that age group, whose testosterone levels don't completely block their empathy centres, the blocking of which seems to induce cruel and unusual behaviour toward fatties, particularly when in the company of other males in that age group].
The incident I'm thinking of is one that occurred in my 20's. I was about 30 pounds overweight by that time and babysitting a colleague's children and this was also during my binge phase [I have gone years without gaining any weight]. I ate more out of their fridge than I should have. I believe it amounted to a peanut butter sandwich, a glass of milk and several helpings of a leftover dessert. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I ought to have apologized. But being only 20-something, I hadn't quite learned that skill.
A month or two later, at the staff Christmas party, an event held off-site in a nice hotel banquet room, we conducted a blind gift exchange. Sam, the fellow whose children I'd babysat had wrapped a very pretty little gift and pointed it out specially to me. He and another colleague egged me on to choose it. Being the sucker that I am, I did. Inside was a plastic pig nose. Charming. I was mortified. I was encouraged to model it by Sam and his 'friend'. In front of all my colleagues. In order not to let on that I was deeply hurt and embarrassed, I did. I should have stuffed it up his...but that's who I've become, not who I was.
Anyway, this is the first time I've ever mentioned the incident. It brought so much shame and humiliation and while I acknowledge a part of me 'deserved' it, it never ceases to amaze me how cruel people can be in order to 'teach' someone a lesson. Instead of teaching me something, I am quite certain I probably went home and ate a layer cake. I was absolutely devastated.
Never has negative enforcement EVER kept me from eating. It has only encouraged me to drown my sorrows.
That, for me, is the worst part about being fat. The cruelty, judgment and dismissive behaviour displayed by those who've never walked in our shoes. :brokenheart:
Hollycat
:flowerforyou:
0
Replies
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I really don't understand the cruelty of people in what they find to be humor. I guess as a general thing, we laugh at things all the time that maybe we shoudln't. But to belittle an individual? Ugh, that is why I believe in Karma.
The worst thing about being fat, is the detriment to my self-esteem, self-worth. Some of my fat manifests in my breasts, like a lot of women. In middle school, I was slightly overweight and this is where it was noticed, expecially by boys, who were inconsiderate and made comments about my breasts. I was mortified at the age of 12. To this day, I can't stand it if my husband says something about my breasts being large, even though I know in my head he doesn't mean to be cruel. I associate my large breasts with low self esteem and a negative self image, and honestly, I can't wait to lose this weight so that my breasts will get smaller.0 -
OMG...I am so sorry that you were put through something like that.
I actually legally changed my name because when I was a teenager and overweight the kids used my name as "Cow Sounds" Here comes MOOOOnisha.
It was horrible to be picked on by what seemed like the whole school.
People are very cruel and they don't realize what their actions to do others.
Again I'm really sorry!0 -
people can be so cruel they are the worst people ever!
you did not deserve that not one bit!
the worst thing about being what is not looking like a model
in my mind if your skinnt = you fit in
xxx0 -
OH MY GOSH. What an A-HOLE!!!!! Unbelievable, give me this guys info and I will go teach him his own lesson-haha. I am so sorry that this world is full of jerks.0
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OMG, that is really horrible. i cannt believe how cruel and discusting some people can be.
i would be so looking forward to proving them wrong!0 -
The thing I really, really hate has nothing to do with other people; it's the way my legs rub together. In hot weather I end up rubbing my skin raw unless I always wear trousers or leggings, and it's horrible. I could live quite happily without that!0
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uhhhm the worst thing about being fat...THIGHS RUBBING TOGETHER. it tops everything. all yall know what im saying DONT HATE DONT LIE DONT DENYYYYY!!0
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The WORST thing about being fat? Being fat!0
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words fail me, im so sorry you had to endure something like that but the best thing you can do is carry on doing what your doing, losing the weight. thanks for sharing that it must have been hard x0
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I apologize to all of the guys in the world that aren't negative to fat chicks but the ones that are, you're just pricks! I'm sorry you had this experience and it made you feel bad about yourself. They should have to take a look at themselves and have a moment of low self esteem not the other way around.
I started getting fat around 4th grade and while I'm quite certain everyone made fun of me behind my back I didn't get made fun of to my face very often in my life. I remember one time in high school I was walking down the hall and this short little troll and I came face to face and in trying to get around each other we both kept stepping in the same direction... granted I was a bit annoyed by the situation myself but as he passed he said "geez you're like a brick wall". He didn't say it right to my face he got passed me first and had to back talk but I never forgot it. Why was it my fault? Oh duh, because I'm the fat chick, I get it.
The most memorable insult I ever had though was threw at me as a compliment and it bugged me so much it still bugs me to this day. I had two hot best friends and boys that were interested in them called me all the time to figure out how to get the hot girls. Now I didn't like these guys and I sure didn't ask them to call me but I was always nice to them. One time in talking and having what I thought was a great conversation one guy said, "man I wish (insert hot girl name here) had your personality.".... Prick, what he meant was he wished I had her body. Haven't forgotten that one either.
These are the bad things about being fat when you're young. A whole world of other things plague me now that I'm getting older.0 -
If i could add boys from the age of 14 to 17 to that, I would totally agree. And girls. Nasty experiences abound, from being compared to miss piggy (how original!) to having my *kitten* whacked/prodded with pool cues. My mum has been trying to make me lose weight since i was 7 and recently offered gastric band surgery. All these things just made me want to dig my heels in more (I am obtuse by nature - screw everyone else!). It'll be nice to tell my mum to spend the money for surgery on a nice new 'skinny' wardrobe when I reach goal weight (mwahahaha).
What made ME want to lose weight wasn't being fat, like i didn't think i was ugly, but an odd assortment of reasons. Things like wanting a mohawk. The only things i HATED (and still hate) about being fat are:
Thigh chafing. They rub until they bleed, especially in summer.
Not being able to wear light, thin clothes in summer. This adds to the whole 'sweaty fat girl' image. Why am I so hot and sweaty? Well apart from lugging around a pile of lard round my waist, I also have to cover it with fabric so it doesn't offend your eyes, hypothetical person, and it's uncomfy!!!
That clothes at Allsaints don't come anywhere near my size.
That people are all 'oh, it's ok, you're curvy!' Eff. Off. I know I'm fat, the scale, my BMI and my body fat percentile show me I am. It's not a subjective opinion, it's the truth. And you know what? I can be fat if I want, it doesn't have to be 'ok' by your standards. It's unhealthy, and it is what it is, but it's not some horrible affliction you have to be delicate or snide about in b****y moments, it's just some chub. And I'm getting rid of it.0 -
:mad: I can't stand people that think they are superior just because they aren't fat. They don't have any idea of the struggle it is because they've never had to deal with it.
I agree that the judgement is the worst thing about being fat, but I also agree with fancynewbecca that its detrimental to self-esteem. I've become more confident in my appearance and that has carried over to my outlook on my achievements.
My worst experience was in high school.
There was this game in PE where people in pairs stand facing each other. There's a person "it" and another person as the runner. The runner would have to make a lap around the group and the runner would move to pick a pair and face the person, who would then be "it" and try to catch the other.
I was the slowest and most overweight in the class so all the classmates, save three that I grew up with, would always choose me because I couldn't catch them and they wanted to "watch the pig" sweat, as stated behind my back in the locker room.
Also during a job I asked why I hadn't learned to use the register yet instead of being put in the back and stocking. I was told, "the company has a certain appearance." Aka, You're too fat to use the register. I would say it was just that I was ugly but all the girls in front were skinny and tall with big boobs while the girls in back were fat (but very beautiful girls).0 -
I'm so sorry...this about broke my heart. Maybe it wasn't quite polite to eat their food (assuming they hadn't given you prior permission?), but in NO way did you deserve what he did to you. I mean, you watched his kids! What he did was cruel and heartless and completely uncalled for! I have been fat for a while, but I guess I am lucky because no one has ever been so cruel to my face, although I'm sure things have probably been said behind my back...I don't understand how people can be so cruel either...I really don't.
For me, the worst thing about being fat is the way I feel about myself. I am my own worst critic unfortunately and I hate the way I look and feel. I want to like what I see in the mirror and look good in clothes and pictures. It takes some seriously hard work, and unfortunately for most of us the work is more mental than physical...but we'll get there!!0 -
I was bullied for being fat too. Kids at school. My stepdad. Even well-meaning family hurt me by saying I ought not to have something to eat as I'd gain weight. And have had the name-calling in the street. I've slimmed down a lot over the years, but my weight yo yo's, hence being back! My friend's kids being kids, not mean kids, telling me I was fat.
It leads to paranoia about eating (anything) in public. Fear that when people are laughing, it's at me. 'Knowing' that fat is all people see. A boyfriend's friend (who I know didn't mean to be mean) telling me my boyfriend had always 'fancied fat chicks'. You'd think after all that I'd have done something about it before my mid-20s!
What you went through was horrible, and I think, certainly not to excuse them, they pick on you/us to detract attention from themselves, to make themselves feel better. I know it's mean, but when I see people on Facebook now that I was at school with, I have a certain amount of shameful satisfaction that the years have been kinder to me than to them.
We just have to be the bigger people (metaphorically, not literally, or at least not literally permanently), we're probably nicer and better people for it (apart from my glee at their puny existence now), we're healthier and on our way to becomeing healthier still. The psychological stuff? I know I've still got a lot of work to do there, and maybe so do we all, but we're in this together, doing what we can.
xxx0 -
The thing I really, really hate has nothing to do with other people; it's the way my legs rub together. In hot weather I end up rubbing my skin raw unless I always wear trousers or leggings, and it's horrible. I could live quite happily without that!
Definitely, definitely. And how shorts, unless they're lycra, ride up so they're lower on the outer thigh and at the crotch in the middle.0 -
I just wanted to say what those people did to you was horrible and wrong, and you did NOT 'deserve' it. Not one little bit. There is NOTHING about being fat or being an emotional eater that makes you deserve to be ridiculed or hurt or respected less. This is one thing I absolutely despise about society...people need to respect everyone regardless of their body size, shape, skin color,religion, etc. Being fat doesn't make you any less of a person than being skinny. Lose weight for your health, so exercise will be easier... don't lose it just because people are going to be mean to you if you don't.0
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Worst thing about being fat? Looking in the mirror and wondering who the heck is looking back at me, I don't feel I can be me when I look like this.0
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A month or two later, at the staff Christmas party, an event held off-site in a nice hotel banquet room, we conducted a blind gift exchange. Sam, the fellow whose children I'd babysat had wrapped a very pretty little gift and pointed it out specially to me. He and another colleague egged me on to choose it. Being the sucker that I am, I did. Inside was a plastic pig nose. Charming. I was mortified. I was encouraged to model it by Sam and his 'friend'. In front of all my colleagues. In order not to let on that I was deeply hurt and embarrassed, I did. I should have stuffed it up his...but that's who I've become, not who I was.
I dunno if I could beat that really....most of my embarrassment and unhappiness with food and myself was caused by individuals closer to home, ie, mother who didn't want a fat daughter so refused to buy jeans that actually fit me (though at the time, I wasn't *that* overweight. 5 foot 8, 150 lbs and 13) until my father forced her. (The later years produced some other pretty awful memories too such as being called a sumo, a pig, and reminding my father of his late aunt who was pretty much house bound from her weight all because I was sitting at the table reading a book and eating lunch. That seemed to be her favorite activity, so that caused him some mild annoyance. It's odd how parents think that by bullying it causes motivation, which all it seemed to cause me was severe depression and taught me that unconditional love is very much conditional in the wrong hands. Oh yeah and not to wear my hair in a bun type style else other people may think I look like a sumo too. Thanks Ma! :ohwell: )
Though that same year around summer time-ish my brother and I went to a movie...he was going through that phase that most @$$hole-ish boys do...hating on anything and everything that had two legs, so he picked the biggest thing that I was most sensitive about no thanks to my mom and dad. We're walking through the mall and he tells me quite loudly to 'get away fat girl.' I shan't go into what high school was like. He's only a year and some change older than me and managed to ruin every crush I ever had and claiming that none of the guys wanted a fat girl (again most of my weight issues didn't creep up that seriously until later years).
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The worst thing about being fat is that I've never been kissed or had a boyfriend. For the first time last night when I went out dancing, I danced with a guy. That was a big step for me, and encourages me to keep losing weight!0
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premature death - i've heard that's a *****0
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