Healing Mind, Soul & now Body; 150 pounds to lose

After developing disordered eating eating habits as early as 9 years old, being bullied, gaining weight, losing weight, being told I'd never marry or have kids, developing eating disorders - losing 80 pounds only to gain 180+ pounds, on and off dieting - crash, yo yo, weight watchers, atkins, extreme calorie restriction, you-name-it-I-tried-it and being absolutely unhappy and unhealthy, I decided something needed to be done. And that something needs to be done the healthy way.

I got treatment for my mental health and through that was diagnosed with anxiety, a condition I have probably had since birth. That lead me to develop a real negative image of myself and get over-involved in weight loss, being dangerously unhealthy and unrealistic with my expectations and ultimately bringing about my own failure; and taking that failure very hard.

Some say in order to heal the body one must also heal the mind and soul, and this I agree with. How could I adopt a healthy life if my attitude, mental health and thoughts were not that? So I focused on healing my mind and soul first. With professional help, I started on an anti-anxiety medication that has changed my life. I also worked really hard on my thoughts, perceptions and changing my attitudes about things including letting go of my past and perceived failures; and moved on. During this I tried to tackle my weight but was sent to a bariatric surgeon, a weight loss clinic that dealt primarily with consuming shakes as meals, and a dietitian who gave me the Canada Food Guide to follow. I felt like I was constantly hitting my head against a wall on the fitness end so let it go and kept focusing on my mind and soul. There were bumps and ups and downs in that journey, so it was good that I started with those and not all; not setting myself up for failure.

It's been almost a year... I realised I was also unhappy in my life because of my situation, so sold everything and moved abroad. Now into a new home, new job and new life I am ready to tackle the weight that is holding me back in life. No diets. No pills. No surgery. I want a healthy and maintainable lifestyle change that involves proper nutrition, along with realistic weight training and cardio exercise. So I joined a gym and found a trainer that would fit me. Unlike the many times previously hiring a trainer where I would tell them my goals, they would make me a complicated plan and I wouldn't follow because it was either unrealistic for my current fitness or intimidating, I asked for something that I would like and actually do. I love weight training, hate cardio, don't run but am willing to work hard. I told my trainer my goal is half my current weight, but I want to do it slow, steady and realistically.

He made me the perfect plan. Of course on it are things that I don't "love" to do - I mean not many love prowlers, but they are moves I am comfortable doing, don't have to set up or remember complicated equipment information, and can do in a reasonable amount of time. I've had programs that had me at the gym almost 2 hours. I needed something that could realistically fit into a lifestyle, especially starting from scratch again. James put together an excellent 4 or 5 day program that can be done within 1 hour each day. Perfect. He then helped with nutrition, increasing my protein intake, lowering carbohydrates and increasing fats. I wasn't eating enough of those. And each food group is important. I have learned your body is like a furnace or car. It needs fuels to do its thing. So if I am going to be working out, I need fuel. Proper fuel. Otherwise I will be running on fumes and am more likely not to go or to get injured.

I don't want a quick fix or a fad. Those have always gotten me into trouble and never worked. I don't want to have to become gym obsessed or food obsessed. I want a lifestyle change; something achievable and maintainable; and I have learned through reading many of your successes that time + realistic expectations + hard work + healthy habits = success. I want to be healthy, to be able to run after my nieces and nephews, hike off the beaten path to pursue my love for landscape photography, fit into any chair and get into sports again. I am so excited to begin this journey.

I have 150 pounds to lose and not too many friends on here so if you are wanting to expand your circle feel free to add me! Love reading your stories!